Intense and contradictory feelings

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penguin
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Posts: 599
Joined: Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:44 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by penguin »

Oh, no worries Crow. I am doing the same. I read everyone's posts, but I usually dont respond. I've been trying to respond more at least to a few people.

Thank you! I'm hoping that it all works out. But I know the sitter we have now loves him so much, she'd be glad to keep him again if it didn't work out for some reason. So I feel better about it since I have that back up ready.

Enjoy your day with your kiddos! It sounds like you will get some good bonding time in, regardless of the weather. Your kids are so lucky to have you. Some of my best memories are playing board games with my family. It just only happened once or twice.

Penguin
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow,
Hope you had a good day with the family despite the bad weather.

We stayed inside reading. Am currently into Robert K. Messie's NICHOLAS AND ALEXANDRA, finished his Peter The Great. Excellent author. England, France and Russia just entered the war looking ahead to 4 horrible years.

Back to our issues - l wish all of us that we accept and appreciate who we are and stop doubting ourselves all the time. Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
there
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Posts: 9795
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by there »

Crow,
Oo, your possible walk is intriguing!
Corvids...I never knew that term.
Maybe it doesn't seem it, but I think you've done the most responsible thing you could have in this situation with your job.
Curious to know if you visited the Woodlands or stayed in playing board games.😄
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
Crow
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Posts: 1434
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Crow »

Penguin, thank you for your understanding :)

Kokoschka, I'm not much of a reader... well, not since I was really little when I could get through a novel in a few days. I have to admit I'd not heard of that author or those books before :roll:

There, consider yourself educated (okay, slightly informed) on birds now! Yeah, it's hard telling people I love corvids these days... they think I'm nuts... :lol: it's not like I said Covid! :?

Anyway, we didn't make it out as it did rain a fair bit. And instead of board games the children just played together in their bedroom. I usually like to encourage family time and games, but sometimes I maybe overdo it wanting to spend time together to compensate for what I lacked as a child. They were content so that's what counts. We did head out for a walk around the roads in our neighbourhood for half an hour or so just to get some fresh air. It was cold though.

Hope everyone else has had and/or is having a good day.

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow,
Looked corvids up and got a picture of the entire family, lovely creatures! I'm not much into bird watching, being a cat person😆😉 but we do get to see various species around here. I LOVE owls, l think they're the most beautiful, lords of perfection.

As for books, l've been a book nut since l could read l guess. Books have been my best friends my entire life, comforting me through really awful times. The thicker a book the better. Tells me it's going to last. Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Crow
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Posts: 1434
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Crow »

Hi Kokoschka,

Sounds like books to you are like music to me - an escape to another world for a while :)

I do love owls too. We only have four native owls here (Barn Owl, Tawny Owl, Long Eared Owl & Short Eared Owl) and an introduced species (Little Owl), plus a handful of what is thought to be escapees or migrants that have set up home in various parts of the country (European Eagle Owl).

Hope you have a lovely day today.

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Crow
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Posts: 1434
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Crow »

So, revisiting this initial post of mine about feelings of anger and overwhelming feelings that I don't want...
I'm going back to my workplace tomorrow afternoon to hand back my laptop and keys and key fob. I'm meeting my manager there before 3pm as she needs to leave then. The only other person from my team working tomorrow is the member of staff I manage who had been ignoring me and everything that I've written about here already. She finishes at 3pm also. I am getting so worked up. I don't want to see her. I don't want to see her car in the car park. I don't know what will happen if I see her. If I'll be triggered. If she'll speak to me. If she does, what will she say? Why am I so worried about seeing a 69 year old woman who has treated me badly?!

It's a shared workplace with three other departments on site, but as I site managed also I want to say goodbye to a lot of people. It will be difficult talking about leaving because of my mental health, but I want to see some people. But I don't want to see that woman. My manager has said she can meet me in the car park to save me coming in. Maybe I'll just see if the car is in the car park first. I know I'll be driving there with my stomach churning, sweat running, heart pounding, and feeling like (I assume anyway) I'm about to enter a gladiatorial arena. What it is to be me... :roll: I'll be driving there with my heavy metal playing loud so I'll probably be geared up for a fight. But I want to leave showing that I'm the better person. Keep it professional. After all, I need a reference and I don't want to give anyone any excuse to think ill of me.

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Nelll
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Posts: 137
Joined: Mon Dec 07, 2020 3:03 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Nelll »

Hi Crow,

I'm falling into a sleep at the moment but I just wanted to come here beforehand and let you know you'll be in my thoughts tomorrow. I'll be cheering you on.

Even though it's scary, you've I personally think you've made the best decision here. For your family. For you.

I look forward to hearing an update if you do post one. (No pressure at all, obviously)

Good luck, you've got this.

Nelll
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Jan 29, 2021 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
Eagle
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Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2021 7:24 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Eagle »

Thoughts are with you Crow. Stand tall and feel proud of who you are. We are all with you.

Eagle
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Chessgirl »

Oh crow,
That sounds so stressful. With my anxiety, I would be such a mess in a situation like that! Think how relieved you will be once it’s over and proud of yourself for pushing through it. You are in my thoughts! Hope it goes smoothly!
Chessgirl
Chessgirl
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