Hello All,
Though l was lucky enough to never meet any abusive men, l could never end a relationship. Even when l knew it was time and the right thing to do, l just held on and on, swallowed my pride, ignored my self-esteem until l was again, the one being dumped. Anything felt better than being alone. I guess my mother did a good job of nurturing my dependency and abandonment fear and anxiety.
Have you ever ended a relationship first?
Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei
-
- Member
- Posts: 735
- Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am
Have you ever ended a relationship first?
Last edited by Serenity on Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT as no triggering detail included
Reason: Changed MT to NT as no triggering detail included
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
-
- Member
- Posts: 1434
- Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm
Re: Have you ever ended a relationship first?
Hi Kokoschka,
I haven't experienced this myself, although I know the feelings you are talking about. I was fortunate to meet my wife when we were 16 - nearly 21 years ago now, but for the first few years together I was so anxious that she would leave me. I literally got upset and feared hearing the words 'its over'. On reflection it is just as you say, our mothers did a good job of nurturing that dependency and fear of abandonment even in what was and is a great relationship.
(I read that article you mentioned in another post - very good and a clear indication of the damage EA as a result of any abuse does.)
Crow
I haven't experienced this myself, although I know the feelings you are talking about. I was fortunate to meet my wife when we were 16 - nearly 21 years ago now, but for the first few years together I was so anxious that she would leave me. I literally got upset and feared hearing the words 'its over'. On reflection it is just as you say, our mothers did a good job of nurturing that dependency and fear of abandonment even in what was and is a great relationship.
(I read that article you mentioned in another post - very good and a clear indication of the damage EA as a result of any abuse does.)
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
-
- Member
- Posts: 5839
- Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am
Re: Have you ever ended a relationship first?
I kind of have. But i completely understand that fear. I tend to allow extensive injury to go on before I will end it. And when I do end it, it doesnt work well. Usually it to protect someone else, not myself. Part of the trouble for years was I didnt find the right types of relationships, constant cycle.
Coconuts
Coconuts
Be the Light in someone's night.
Re: Have you ever ended a relationship first?
Hi coconuts (new here, sorry if this isn't the name you go by),
During my first abusive relationship, we were on and off a lot because I couldn't gather strength to leave when I said I would. But when we were "apart", I would see other men and they were just as abusive, if not more. I would stay with them until I had the excuse of my first boyfriend or until they stopped showing interest in me.
After 2.5 years of such cycles, I am able to cut someone off for showing serious red flags. I still tried to reason their behavior but I knew deep down, they were horrible for me and my recovery. It took a long time for me and I still stall whenever I am faced with this dilemma, but eventually I will be able to end relationships without second guessing myself.
During my first abusive relationship, we were on and off a lot because I couldn't gather strength to leave when I said I would. But when we were "apart", I would see other men and they were just as abusive, if not more. I would stay with them until I had the excuse of my first boyfriend or until they stopped showing interest in me.
After 2.5 years of such cycles, I am able to cut someone off for showing serious red flags. I still tried to reason their behavior but I knew deep down, they were horrible for me and my recovery. It took a long time for me and I still stall whenever I am faced with this dilemma, but eventually I will be able to end relationships without second guessing myself.
Last edited by ajei on Thu Dec 03, 2020 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: changed trigger from MT to NT
Reason: changed trigger from MT to NT