Letting go

[honeybera]

Still busy. But need a place to cry to...and unfortunately, you're it. I just went on Chewy to get some collars for the pups AND some "calming" chews, too, especially for Boots. She (and sometimes Mittens) daily bark incessantly at the back fence or under the tall planters (a rat's nest???) or just playing rough with each other = too noisy for my neighbors? Lord, I hope not! I want to be a good neighbor, but it ain't me barking solidly at the back fence for 15 min. intervals. It's THEM. So what to do when my neighbor revs up his lawn mower or cleans his pool? Or even decides to take a swim?

So over on Chewy I went. Got two Thundershirts for $20 each (SO CHEAP!) and the calming chews and more collars (may they PLEASE fit this time!!!)...and I happened to see that they have pets to adopt, so off I went. I should have known better! I should have...but I went anyway. Those beautiful, sad, frightened eyes are still haunting me. It was like a visit to the dog pound! I wanted to take each and every one home with me. I am struck with just how cruel and unfeeling this world can be. I understand that many people "got dogs" or cats to keep them company during the first stages of the pandemic and then just got bored or tired of them and whisked them off to the dog pounds all around the country and unceremoniously and without feeling dumped them there to a bleak and unknown future. Wow. That breaks my heart.

I brought my pups in tonight to the kitchen while I did the dishes and got my dinner. They really missed me today. I need to spend more time with them. I only have one old collar for Boots ATM, but more are on the way for Mittens and a better one for Boots. I'm only now really appreciating just how many things I do do around here. I manage the entire house (like getting my pickup fixed), pay all the bills, make sure we have everything we need, do all the ordering, keep up with my Spanish lessons, do all the housework (laundry, mopping, vacuuming, etc., and if I can't do it, I have to HIRE someone who can), most of the cooking (ALL of it for me), and am responsible to organize, sort, discard, clean EVERYTHING both inside and outside, including the yards. Now that's quite a lot for an old girl with raging arthritis in my spine (ATM) and two bum feet and a bum right hand. I may have a handle on the whippy weeds (aka Morning Glory Vines): douse them well with straight 30% vinegar spray (no Dawn dish soap and no salt needed). I have it all purchased, I just need to DO IT. I uncovered the lot of it in the front room (which is looking better by the day!), so I set it aside and will do it soon. Regular 5% household vinegar will sort of do the job, but the much more concentrated 30% is really lethal to weeds of all sorts. And I won't be using RoundUp ever again! The 30% is also organic, so it fits right in with my gardening.

I've also got 60# (3 20# bags) of worm castings coming in within the next few days. Yep, I'm having worm poop shipped across the USA! Only me, right? But in my constant Google searches for "what is compost?" and "what is side dressing?", I came to realize that to refresh and refurbish my Smart Pot containers and raised beds to max fertility, I need to use worm castings combined with coconut coir or peat moss (easy to buy once my truck is fixed), the 50# bag of rice hulls I have (for water retention in these extreme drought conditions we're currently having here), and some of the azomite and micronutrients that I've purchased and never used! DUH! I'll be trying some collards for sure out there for the first time ever. Imagine! A west coast girl like me loving me some SMOKED ham hocks and collards! But I do love them...I really do! I whip them up in my Instant Pot and they are GOOD!

Oooh you are quite busy. So glad the depression scare is abating.

I am, too! Nothing scares me as badly as the thought of a bad bout of Clinical Depression! During the worst of it I had NO energy to even get up and walk, yet I was only 19. When I recently began to cry while still in bed with a heavy heart and said out loud, "I guess I'm just not worth it.", it scared the hell out of me. I'm doing MUCH better now!! Thank you for caring about me. That really helped me to get up and busy, which is always the cure for me!

It sounds like you and ds had a good conversation.

We did! I feel more appreciated and he feels less "put upon". Sometimes you just have to say what you feel.

Oh yes. Totally on my Spanish still. I think im on a 153 day streak. I'm sorta impressed with myself.

WOW!!! I'm impressed with you, too!!! 153 DAYS??? Very good!!! I'm on Day 42 I think and I thought I was doing well. I'm going for the Day 50 prize. I like those prizes! Are you collecting them, too? If you go to your profile at the bottom of the screen, it'll have them listed there. 153?! Whew! Keep it up!!

Hope the big bomb works and you get to accomplish some stuff.

He already got them. They're on my washing machine. We'll get 'er done!! One step at a time. (OMG, there's SO MUCH to do out there in the garage!! Shh! Don't tell anybody!)

¡Adios, mi amiga! Estudias mucho. (153 days!!! Dang!!)

Honeybera

[coconuts]

Ha , hola amiga

I think sometimes that the work never is fully done. But sometimes it seems to pile up in heaps. Its exhausting. But having a clear plan helps.

I always worry about my dog barking too much. So far it hasn't been a problem. But i still worry.

You do a lot. But sometimes i think when we live with others we have to make sure everyone's needs are being met, not just assume. Its good to check in on that. I know Im guilty there. Plus there's a lot of folks in my house too check in on. Sometimes i assume they are fine when they are not.

Hope your Friday is going good.

Coconuts

[honeybera]

¡Hola Coco! ¿Cómo estás?

I think sometimes that the work never is fully done. But sometimes it seems to pile up in heaps. Its exhausting. But having a clear plan helps.

And a plan I have!!! I've been doing less and less online time (except when it's necessary) in gaming and just surfing the web (recipes don't count as leisure time ) and spending more time out of this chair and doing useful things instead. I'm sort of training myself to be my own parent (which is a darned sight better and kinder than I've had in the past!!) - like RE-parenting! And so far I'm slowly but surely (and don't call me Shirley! ) getting one thing after another D-O-N-E!!! You should see my front room! It's AMAZING! (So far.) I'm even UNPACKING/OPENING boxes that have been sitting there since around 2017 and even earlier! Then I mark with a marking pen what it is that's inside them which indicates to me that particular object's eventual destination!! Brilliant, huh?

Don't get me wrong. There's still PLENTY to do. I AM NOT BORED!!! And that staves off any thought of depression. For me, that works every time. It lifts my spirits every time I see that bright light at the end of the tunnel. My truck is IN THE SHOP!!!! I have two appointments next week: 1. A1C, COVID test, and renal workup. and 2. my REAL ID (FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!) AND downgrading my Class A license down to a regular license AT THE DMV. When I first conceived the thought of giving up my Commercial license for a standard one it brought tears to my eyes. That license served me well since 1985, but now I'm free to have a license without a physical involved. No more drug tests, either. So it's a little good and a tiny bit bad. I'm doing fine though.

I always worry about my dog barking too much. So far it hasn't been a problem. But i still worry.

When I first brought my pups home, I had a terse, but amicable, conversation with my kitty-corner neighbor of 20 yrs. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER (she's not the friendliest thing, to say the least). She came to ask about the pups barking. That conversation has haunted me ever since. She has not returned though, for which I'm grateful, but it's like waiting for the second shoe to drop. Mittens is a doll, such a good dog, kind, gentle, and usually quiet (USUALLY being the operative word)...and then there's BOOTS. OMG! YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP, YAP!!! Her barking isn't due to boredom, but rather AT the myriad of wildlife in my backyard. Hey, it's stimulating to see a lizard zip up the fence and then do push-ups - and hilarious, too - and Boots has to bark at them to control them, just in case. Same goes for the backyard birds. It got so bad that I had to put my perfectly-fitting Garden Glide over the seed feeder for now because the dogs leap at the birds and bark to scare them off. But worse, the birds go up on the rain gutters and look down on the dogs, waiting for their chance to return for a bite to eat. This drives the dogs (and me) crazy! So they bark at the birds, the lizards, and the now-hidden rats under the back fence...and I worry about the crabby neighbor over the fence complaining if she hears the dogs barking. She hasn't yet, and I don't wish to borrow trouble, but I worry, too.

========================(more water under the bridge)

My tests are in the morning and I CAN'T SLEEP! Well...can't or won't! DS decided that this was a great time to give me the silent treatment for some reason. He doesn't realize just how stressful that can be for me, the eternal shut-in. He doesn't get it how alone I am and have been since this pandemic began. I will go to my appointment at 7:30am. He has no idea how much I'd LOVE to also go to the store for myself at this point! Or even just drive around, but it's just too dangerous for me. Entire buildings have been built since I've become a shut-in. And I really don't need this STRESS just before going in to get my diabetic blood work done and a COVID antibodies test to boot. I'm curious to see if I've had "the COVID" yet. I may have way back in March 2020. We'll see. If so, I'm doing my OWN shopping again! That's for sure!! FREEDOM!!!

The wind is howling out there and I am all alone here. DS is at work. I just took a melatonin and it's cold in here, so I think I'll climb into bed and hope for the best. DS just got 4 new tires for his car and I paid for them. A $700 shock I did not need. Another $700 for the theft prevention apparatus on my pickup so they don't rip off my new catalytic converter once it's put on. And my insurance is all paid up for the year ($1500). That's a lot of money out the door!! Plus I had to pay the mechanic $3000 up front (rather than wait for the insurance, but I am covered) so he can get the new catalytic converter since they no longer make one for my old truck, but he found one that he got today. (Thank heavens!) So much stress!! No wonder I'm feeling all stressed out and depressed from time to time. I need to just relax and get as much sleep as I can before that alarm rings.

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Tests are done! Soon I'll know if I've had "the COVID" or not. Fingers crossed that I have had it clear back in March 2020. Slight fever then, chills, just not feeling well, plus I lost my sense of smell/taste for quite some time. Highly suspicious, but not verified yet. DS wasn't feeling well, either, at that time. So did we have the dreaded flu (COVID) back then? I'll find out soon.

What blew my mind when I went in for the tests was just how out of shape I am! I had to walk in from their parking lot...only about 100 ft. and I could barely make it!!! To offset this, at bare minimum I will be walking the full length of my house (inside) repeatedly, cleaning, and doing other activities. I could not believe how weak I was!! Did the mask have something to do with it? Granted, I've only had a couple of hours of sleep since I had to get up at 6:30am (GROAN!!) and couldn't sleep last night (anticip.....ation??), but even so! My blood sugars were at 120 last night even after a nearly zero carb dinner (scrambled eggs topped with 0 carb cheese + a cuppa Bulletproof coffee), so I hope my a1c is nice and low as well.

But what I'm realizing is that I need more (MUCH MORE) exercise. Not like jumping jacks or anything like that, but more like gardening, house cleaning, and maybe dancing. Just more activity and less plain sitting. Heaven knows that there's plenty to do. At this time in our country's history it seems to me like a good time to improve my health and somewhat withdraw from the fracas and pandemonium and danger even more than I'm already doing now. UNLESS, that is, I have a natural immunity to COVID. Then I will risk doing some of my own shopping. I certainly hope that that is the outcome of today's journeys and testings.

I may have found some relief (for both my neighbors and myself) from my yapping puppies. I closed the gate to the Dog's Yard area where they love to bark incessantly at the back fence. I cannot have that!! I have given' them "calming" daily meds for excessive barking which seems to be working fairly well for Mittens, and I even put an additional "calming collar" on Boots, but to no avail. So today, in complete frustration, I simply shut the gate to the dog's yard, leaving both pups on the garden and WOW side with NO ACCESS to the back fence over there in the dog's yard. Oh, I've still heard/seen Boots yapping at something, but not the CONSTANT shrill barking! I pray that this is my answer, even if it's temporary. My neighbors and I both deserve a bit of a rest from it. And MAN, is it stressful for me!! I'm responsible for the disturbance without being guilty of the "crime". My girls are in their "teenage" years ATM. Boots has already had her first "season". They are nearly full grown. Sometimes they pay attention to me and sometimes they don't. But right this minute all is nice and quiet in the back yard. They are both prowling around, sort of hunting, and then laying up against the back fence in the sunshine again (with NO barking!! ♥ ♥), then up to my WOW, drink of water, bite of food, and off to prowl again. Great dogs, but I can't wait for the next stage of development: young adults, when they should calm down on the ever-vigilant barking. Right now they're just ornery teenagers! I really don't want to spay them as it may reduce that prey instinct and I do want that instinct during Barn Hunt, but geez...!!

The other day I saw an ad on TV for a new keto cereal (yet "sweetly" naughty) called Magic Spoon and it looks really promising. We already get the best keto ice cream around (called Rebel ice cream) and have it shipped to us from rebelcreamery dot com, but we're sort of burnt out on it at the moment, so I checked out Magic Spoon today. OMG! If it's half as good as they are saying it is, I'm in business!! I ordered all the flavors and we'll see how we like them. The ingredients look good, and they're using allulose as a sweetener (that's also good). They have rave reviews. My fingers are crossed. One serving is one full cup. Put on a plate or bowl or even a snack Ziploc full (one cup) and eaten as a dessert after dinner (my one meal a day) could be really nice for me. I like to have the repeated bowl-to-face hand motion; it's very satisfying to me to eat that way, especially "dessert". Flavors include: frosted, cocoa (Cocoa Puffs), peanut butter (Reese's-like), fruity (like Froot Loops), blueberry, cinnamon, cookies and cream, maple waffle, and two Fall flavors, apple cinnamon and pumpkin spice. All of these seem right up my alley. And kind of a fun thing, too. I'm really looking forward to their arrival. I can have them with HWC diluted with some water, too, or almond milk. It's how I make "milk" without lactose (milk sugar). It sounds so good, though, with milk or without. A nice bowl of forbidden sweet cereal is one thing that I (and many others) miss the most doing keto, so I'm hoping that this is an excellent substitution.

==========================(Friday wee hours)

Got my test results back: I'm negative, ie., never had COVID. That news to me is both good and bad. Good that I've never had it, but if I do get it, there are now treatments for it, and bad that I need to go "out there" in the world periodically, but as a specifically COVID-sensitive person (diabetes, elderly, obese = prime COVID target). But at least I now know.

I also got to look at my tests online from Jan. 2019-Oct. 2021 on a chart so I could see how they all compared. My kidney tests are kinda high, but last time I got checked (in July '21) they were higher. HOWEVER, I do believe that I had a UTI when I took them in July, and my baseline from nearly 3 yrs. ago until now (other than last July) was much lower and is there again, so I'm ok.

I'm studying (deeply) both my apparent insulin resistance (belly fat) and my gout/high uric acid and how increased exercise can help both conditions. Good ol' Dr. Internet! I'm even beginning to understand how the two are related. I took Physiology (or "Fizzle-ology" as we lovingly called it) during my nurse's training at the State University, so I can more or less wade through the scientific jargon and understand most of it. My belly fat isn't just unattractive; it's dangerous, too, for my diabetes (a1c is down to 6.7!), and all of the visceral fat really needs to go! I just learned that I may be eating too much protein for me, although it doesn't seem too much to me. Great! No problem! That I can change. Easily! I'm already doing an eating window of 1-4 hrs./24 hr. period. More veggies with that? YES, PLEASE! I do love my veggies! But I have to be careful to NOT eat too many veggies with high purines (cauliflower, spinach, asparagus, mushrooms, and the list goes on...and on...and on!!). But veggies have carbs, so I'll try to balance that. I could go forever without eating any liver, "sweetbreads", sardines, and the like, but I do love my tuna. Goodbye tuna?

Plus I'm appreciating that I need to get out more (as evidenced by my exhausting 100 ft. walk into the testing center on Tues.), so I've decided to walk my dogs and garden much, much more! I'm seriously hoping that with increased exercise I can turn all of this around, even while staying protected at home. I just got a HUGE shipment of things from Walmart today, 7 HUMONGOUS boxes, and they rang the bell and ran. DS was asleep, so I wrangled each one into the house, panting and puffing as I did and sitting down to rest from time to time, but we have vicious porch thieves around here, so that was an incentive to get all of them inside ASAP. I wasn't as exhausted as I was walking in to my appointment on Tues. (I got to sit down and rest), but darned close! I need some consistent exercise.

Shopping online tonight I found something for both me and the pups. It's a double decker, folding dog stroller: one dog in each crate, one up on top of the other, mounted on a stroller type frame. PERFECT! The next trip to the vet won't be nearly as chaotic as this last one was! But even better I can take them out for a walk NOW, out to the mailbox a half block away (DS does it now) to socialize them (and they BADLY need it!!!) without risking any confrontation with man nor beast, and I intend to be extending the stroll more and more as I can manage it. And it should work as well as a "safe" place for the pups to wait for events to begin at any Barn Hunt. My pickup is currently in the shop having the stolen catalytic converter replaced. (Way too many thieves around here!) Once that's done, I can go get the bales of straw for the dog's Barn Hunt setup out in the backyard. Why not make exercise fun? And I have sitting in my front room ATM a 50# bag of rice hulls, a 40# bag of soil conditioner, and three 20# bags of worm castings! Time to put on some DEET (so many mosquitos out there!!) and get out into the garden again. I need some more peat moss, but that will have to wait for the pickup.

=====================(later in the midday on Friday)

DS will pick up the DEET this afternoon on his way home from work AND the peat moss - two 3 cubic ft bags of it. (They're working him like crazy lately! He's supposed to be part time.) I did up the dishes already and am in the process of mopping my bathroom floor. Dear Spot isn't doing so well. She won't eat a bite and her walk is super wobbly. She just wants to curl up in her bed and snooze. She's like a walking skeleton, but then she starts rolling around on her back on the carpet like it's a back scratcher or she gets up and trots around my room for a bit. No wobble at all! So who knows? Poor baby is just doing her best. ♥♥

DS just called me from the road. His boss just gave him another assignment so he's going to be late with my pick up from Lowe's and Walgreen's. No worries. He does all my errands at this time. Bless him! I'm grateful that he'll just be getting them for me. I'll just have to change my plans to begin work in the garden (with all the mosquitoes) until tomorrow because I'm not going out there without my DEET! I'm already covered in painful, itchy mosquito bites from the last time I watered out there.

I'm also going to be spraying my 30% vinegar full strength on the whippy weeds, and the less breeze out there the better. Fortunately, tomorrow morning will be VERY calm, so I'm going to be brave, fill my 2 gallon sprayer, and go out into the fray against the whippy weeds!! This extra strong and concentrated vinegar is harshly acidic enough to be harmful to my eyes and skin if it happens to waft up or waft on me. Same thing with any unintentional plants nearby that I don't want to shrivel up and die. So I have to be very careful that this powerful solution doesn't get on anything that it shouldn't, and that has made me fearful of just doing this chore, but it has to be done, albeit carefully. Those whippy weeds are in my sights!! And absolutely NO RAIN for another week! Perfect conditions that certainly won't last. C'mon whippies!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

It's dinnertime for me now. Life after MD's passing has begun to bring out the forgiveness in me. It's not absolution for her or her doings, but rather a simple letting go for me. These are burdens that I no longer have to bear. I'm realizing that more and more. Her treatment of me was not my fault. Since I hold no guilt for how she treated me, I also hold no responsibility for it, either. So what she did was rotten, but I don't have any reason to hang on to it. I got my wish: I survived her - and as time goes on, I forgive me. I understand her more, and that is helpful, too. But lately I am amazed at how well I did turn out, despite her and her "mothering". She was cruel, no doubt about it, but she suffered cruelty at a young age, too. It must be how she got so darned good at being cruel herself. I'd rather be me right now and live my life that I have ATM than to have the panicked existence and fear of exposure that she lived with until her dying day. No thank you! It's just a dirty shame that we couldn't have been closer and her more kind and loving towards me, but that just isn't the way it was. Again: not my fault. But given the cards of life to play that I held, I think I've done pretty well. No regrets. And that's a pretty fine place to be.

Dinnertime!

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Hi there! Well, DS got the DEET and I got instructions on how to spray my whippy weeds and driveway weeds with a solution of salt, Dawn liq., and 30% VINEGAR - like what protection I should wear, etc. Seems that it's relatively dangerous stuff. Not too bad, though. One lady was warning me of all of the hazards of using this EXTREMELY strong vinegar while spraying her yard without a face mask, goggles, and only ONE glove on! So we'll see. It doesn't look too bad, but I've never done this before, and frankly I'm very nervous about doing this. However, the alternative (RoundUp) is a much worse hazard health-wise. So I'll be out there in my COVID-style face mask, goggles, gardening hat, gloves, and my muumuu and garden clogs - what a treat for the eyes!

I can also dilute whatever I have left after the weeds with water and clean my glass shower door, too. Who knew? It worked for the lady on youtube. But now it's time for bed or I'll be sleeping in until 3pm again. The wind will be calm until about 2pm, so I need to sleep NOW. I'm doing the front fence that's covered in whippies and all around the a/c unit. MINIMUM! And maybe underneath the planter with my strawberries. It all needs it desperately. I can do fine tuning later on, but that should end the majority of them. I'm going to WIN this battle, I promise you!!! And then I'll move from the whippies to the garage. One step at a time.

Please hang in there with me. I need the support. (BTW, the Magic Spoon cereal is GREAT! DS likes it, too. I had the Blueberry flavor for dessert tonight with HWC. SO GOOD!)

Honeybera

[Progress]

Keep it up Honeybera! You are a rockstar in the attack on weeds, and everything else you do!
I have the most adorable image of you in my head- in all your safety gear and muumuu! You get ‘em gurl!

In my mind, I’m trying to decide if you are wearing big rubber boots, or slides/flip-flops! The Ghostbusters got nuthin on you!!

Progress, not Perfection!


Progress

[dancingfish]

Oh honeybera, look at you go. Cheering you on from over here! Glad the new "cereal" with "milk" is delicious for you, too.

Walking sounds like a super idea - I found that after last year (lockdown) my ability to do exercise had diminished, and I eventually figured it was in part because I was no longer doing activity for longer, sustained periods. Doing just that again has helped improve it, so walking with your puppies sounds like a super plan. And well done for figuring out how to calm them down a bit! They are still puppies, and angsty teens ones still though, as you say.

You're doing just fine, and looking out for yourself so well. Good for you, and may you have luck with dealing with those whippy weeds too!


[edit] All of what Progress said, too! What a lovely picture of you.

[Progress]

given the cards of life to play that I held, I think I've done pretty well. No regrets. And that's a pretty fine place to be.

Oh my heart…it’s bursting. {Tears}Yes, that’s a pretty fine place to be honeybera.

I love the idea of dancing to add more movement to the day. Do you remember the old Richard Simmons dvd, Dancing to the Oldies? I used to dance to that video on the VCR, heeheehe. LOVED it. It’s gotta be decades and decades ago.

Dancingfish’s reply inspired me to reread your previous post!

Progress

[honeybera]

Wow! Thanks for being there, guys! I really needed that.

I love the idea of dancing to add more movement to the day. Do you remember the old Richard Simmons dvd, Dancing to the Oldies? I used to dance to that video on the VCR, heeheehe. LOVED it. It’s gotta be decades and decades ago.

Voila! Through the magic of the Internet: https://www dot youtube dot com/results?search_query=richard+simmons+workout

I thought it might be there. Heaven knows everything else is! Thanks for the point in the right direction. And God bless youtube!! Dog walking + Richard Simmons + gardening + housework? OH HECK YEAH!!! I'm truly loving my life! And I can get YouTube on my TV, too - (it's "smart"). So there you go!

====================(LATER)

I saw an ad on TV just now. Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium, will be coming to our town live (no pun intended). I wanted to go see her. I've watched her show for so many years, but I just don't go to things like that. DS's dad used to take us to Tractor Pulls and that sort of thing, and DD majored in theater in both high school and later in college mainly because she wanted her Baccalaureate degree so she could go work in Japan and this was the easiest way/major to get her degree, so we were invited to some of those shows (hideous as they were - just dreadful). I am tempted to still go to see Teresa Caputo, but if I don't act soon, all the tickets will be gone, gone, GONE!

I can't dawdle, I can't think it over, I need to act NOW IF I'm going to do this, and that's not my usual way to do things. I even shop online for days sometimes before actually buying something. I'll think about it carefully, oftentimes returning to my order neatly categorized in a shopping list just waiting for me to push the "Place Your Order" button to finalize it. I am overly cautious. I am not frivolous nor am I impulsive. I AM DELIBERATE. I still haven't opened up my first gallon jug of 30% vinegar! I did set it up on my little area/table (actually an old TV cart that I use as a station to cut up cardboard boxes and open up the new ones), gingerly took off the cap, but discovered another seal underneath, put the cap back on, and there it sits. I do get things done...EVENTUALLY, but not rapidly. MD used to say about her way of doing things was that it was like she was killing snakes...and it was. But I was beaten if I tried to do anything! I was to just sit there (as a baby/toddler/etc), make no mess, don't get dirty, and BE QUIET! Who I am today is the outcome. I guess I learned my lesson well.

DS asked me why I wanted to go see Theresa Caputo, and I said IDK. But I do know. MD died roughly a year ago, plus my dear dogs (Butterbutt, Ms. T, and Dot) have, too. My father died in 2011, I think, so there's been much death in my family. And Spot...well, heaven only knows when she'll pass. So many times I've looked at her and thought, "Well, that's it! She can't last now. She's like a walking skeleton with fur and she even weakly staggers as she walks and will eat nothing.", and then I cry because I'll miss her so. But then hours or days later, she perks right up, happily writhing and rubbing her back on the carpet, legs waving wildly in the air, then hopping around like a puppy, even doing play stance! She is hungry and thirsty again, pushing her dishes to me and giving me that look, like AHEM! Where's the food and water?? This has been going on since Dot passed in Feb. 2021. Spot took a bad turn when her litter mate sister died suddenly; I firmly believe that she deeply mourned Dot's passing.

I thought she was going to pass away, too, but then we got the pups in April 2021 and all that changed. The then-tiny puppies just wanted to play...AND PLAY...with the Old Girl (Spot) and she was having none of it, snarling, growling, and snapping at them...but they are just extremely enthusiastic puppies and it was hard to ward them off. Eventually I'd see Spot's tail slightly wag when she saw them as she was snarling at them with bared teeth (what teeth she has left, that is). And now they actually get along...unless they step over the line that Spot has drawn, but one good nip and snarl and all is back to proper puppy behavior again. And Spot still has her days of sickness and raw boned skinniness and staggered walking, but she always rallies, and I'm happy about that. Every day with her is a blessing.

===================(wee hours - DS is working)

I DID IT!!!! I'm going to see Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium!! I'm getting out of the house, too!! We even got good seats in the front on the aisle. YAY!! I can sit on the outside seat. PERFECT!

I don't think I would've done it except I've been watching 1000-lb. Sisters on TV lately, and I noticed that they do fun stuff even though they're 400lbs and 600lbs. (hence 1000-lb. Sisters). I'm not that heavy, but at one time I weighed 306lbs. at least! Possibly even more. It was about the time I bought my house (1999-2000) and I was BIG!! My blood sugars were way up, too, but I didn't know how high. I went in to get some Fen-Phen, a pill for weight loss. (I have done EVERYTHING to "lose weight"!!) Before they'd give it to me I had to have blood work done and all sorts of other tests and they were floored with the results! Cholesterol was 1256 as I recall and my triglycerides were 2750! Happily they denied me the Fen-Phen! Yet they never mentioned Type 2 diabetes, which I had but didn't know it. That revelation came several years later.

So I empathize with these sisters. I know something of how it feels. I also understand compulsive overeating, food addiction, and eating for feelings rather than hunger. I understand the "comfort" that food can bring and then afterwards the depression and the self-loathing that comes with it. "One second on the lips, forever on the hips." Only mine is classic Insulin Resistance (all belly!) - my bus driver uniform pants were a size 54 waist. Yikes! When N came to stay with me, I lost 93 lbs. in only 10 months WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST EFFORT!! He kept me busy. He always wanted to go somewhere, even after I had worked all day, he'd want to go walking in a park, fishing, a movie, shopping, ANYTHING. I was on LCHF (Atkin's) by that time (2009-10), but no big push for that WOE...yet 93 lbs. simply melted off me! I had to buy size 44 pants since mine were falling off of me and I had to get a smaller belt, too, because I'd had more holes punched into my other belt at a shoe repair shop until it was really looking silly. Then N left to go to another state on a job. I was so unhappy. I gained 60 lbs. back in only 2 months. Yes, I can identify with these 2 morbidly obese women, especially when walking to my kitchen in my muumuu and watching my now MUCH IMPROVED stomach still wobble and sway along as I walk. Eewww!!

I love to ride a bike! I had a bike, a little mountain bike, but DS took it out one day to the arcade and it was stolen. It had a name: Lucky Me. It had little dice as the caps on the tires. I loved that bike. I also have my recumbent trike out in the garage in need of repair. My pickup should have been ready today, but I didn't hear from them, so I'll call them tomorrow. Once that's fixed and ready to go, I could make the 2 hr. trip to the recumbent trike mechanics to fix up my trike - it's so cool looking that people will comment on it. It's a Landstrider Trike - in the original yellow. It was handmade for me. The trouble with riding it out in public is that as I pedal my stomach is in the way as my knees come up. My stomach is super wobbly now. I've lost weight, but now my gut is not as solid as it was before. It's smaller, but not as firm. It's what happens when I lose weight and the skin is loose. Nasty!

OMG, WHAT ON EARTH AM I GOING TO WEAR TO THIS THING I JUST PAID A FORTUNE TO SEE?? I don't even OWN makeup! Make sure my hair is clean to start with and clean clothes. Pants and a top maybe? And what shoes??? All I have are clogs! There is a plus side to being a hermitess! Bare feet are fine at home and alone. I'm identifying more and more with Amy and Tammy, the Sisters. How redneck am I? This show is coming up SOON, within weeks! I can't wear my muumuus to go see Theresa, that's for sure. Hm. This'll give me something to think about.

Cheering you on from over here! Glad the new "cereal" with "milk" is delicious for you, too.

Honestly, it's good enough to have a bowl for dessert! The Maple Waffle is to die for, too, and especially when I add a bit of sugar free maple syrup to the "milk" (HWC + water). Slap yo' Mama good!!!

I have the most adorable image of you in my head- in all your safety gear and muumuu! You get ‘em gurl!

And I do that out in my front yard for all the neighbors to see!

In my mind, I’m trying to decide if you are wearing big rubber boots, or slides/flip-flops!

Clogs. Always clogs. I have one pair of Crocs, and all the rest are cheap imitations, but very comfy!

And well done for figuring out how to calm them down a bit!

Ah, one short comment about that. Boots is a multi-bark offender. My neighbors must hate her, but the breeder says this is normal and will settle down in the next year...hopefully. Not good enough, I say! So I grabbed the "Favorite Toy" (FT), the one that drives them mad with Rat Terrier soul deep PREY INSTINCT, and simply held it up for them to observe with them in their large open indoor pen. The instant they saw it they FREAKED OUT!!!! YAP!! YAP!! YAP!!!!!!! They have these shrill loud yaps, too! Wow! But then I hid the toy (which looks like a ball of fur with a tail, but "cries" and wiggles - drives them NUTS!) behind my back while saying in a soothing voice, "Shh. Quiet. Shh. (They become quiet.) YES. Oh, good girls!" and then the treats! I have tiny little kibble like treats for them but these are freeze dried and raw. They go a bit nuts for them, too. Then I show them the FT again - AND AGAIN THE BARKING AND LEAPING at the gate!! Hide the FT. Soothing voice. The second they quiet down = a few tiny treats. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

I'm doing this several times a day now. And it's showing promising results. They don't go as nuts out in the yard anymore. And when they do go nuts, they only do so for a short time. Even DS commented on how one tap on our window was enough to quiet them (or Boots actually, but Mittens like to "join in", too). So the drugs don't do much good in calming Boots down, nor does the "calming collar" we have on her, but the one-on-one training by me to settle them down even while being stimulated seems to be working! By now I can not only show them the FT, but can hold it up and "fly" it in front of them without fear of an onslaught. In fact, although being slightly nervous and extremely "aware" of it flying around, they sit patiently watching me with this thing in my hands drifting it above their heads. I can even slap it and turn it on so it "cries" and "barks" without even a WOOF from my canine peanut gallery. Amazing! They are so smart. Just keep the food coming, Mom!

walking with your puppies sounds like a super plan

That's next with my very unsocialized pups!! I'm ordering the stroller and I just hope Mittens (our gentle giant) isn't too big for it. The vet said that both dogs weigh 11 lbs. BALDERDASH! Yes, I said balderdash! Mittens is about 1/3 bigger than Boots. But we'll see. We'll see.

============================(It's Tues. already!)

I was just sitting here pondering, thinking about seeing Theresa. She may even do a reading on me, but maybe not, too. Do I believe in all that? Maybe, maybe not. But I sure wouldn't turn down a reading. At nearly 75 yrs. old, the thought of an afterlife is quite appealing to me. She's in TX right now and I just read an article from a TX newspaper....wait! Shutting this down for now. Will write more in a separate post. Wait'll you hear this!

♥♥♥HONEYBERA

[honeybera]

I want to write this down before it gets away from me:

YouTube video:
Low Carb Down Under, Dr. Gary Fettke - "Carbohydrate: The Dose Is The Poison!" OMG! I was in the latrine listening to a Dr. Jason Fung (my hero) video on the bedroom TV while playing my videogames (Yes, I'm a toilet techie) when it ended and switched to the above video. I heard many things that made me quit playing with my iPhone and go check this video out. Sadly, it's 1am right now and I need to sleep. But I will finish watching it first thing in the morning (if I can get to sleep while being so excited by all this). This video isn't for everyone - it's fairly deep in scientific jargon and concept. But my ears perked up when I hear him describe in a monotone classroom voice the Kreb's cycle.

What is the Kreb cycle in simple terms?

The Krebs cycle is a series of chemical reactions used by all aerobic organisms to generate energy through the oxidization of acetate—derived from carbohydrates, fats, and proteins —into carbon dioxide. - Google search

I love this kind of stuff. We got all of this in Physiology way back when I was at the University in Nurse's training. I believe that in this video he will be trying to simplify how our bodies utilize carbs, fats, and proteins. I can't wait to watch it, but had to write it down for myself in case I lose it somehow. I need this reassurance at this time! I need to REMIND myself about why I'm doing all of this, why I'm in this fight. I'd also like to know the why of why I'm not as skinny as a rail right now. I just learned tonight (for example) that hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance are about the same thing. I also learned that cancer (both colorectal and breast) and heart problems of all kinds are tied to carb metabolism and obesity. That goes especially for the ingestion of both sucrose (table sugar) and fructose (fruit sugar).

ALSO that Metformin (a diabetic drug taken p.o. aka 'per os' aka by mouth) that I take is being recognized as blocking breast cancer cells from developing and that we have cancer cells in every cell in our bodies, but they just don't "turn on" and spread without "a nutrient boost", I think he said. What is that nutrient? SUGAR. In all of it's forms and under ALL of it's many, many names (Dextrose, Maltodextrose, Galactose, Glucose, Lactose [milk sugar], Maltose to name a few). It sort of acts like fertilizer in my garden. And to me, cancer is even worse than those whippy weeds out there in the yard. I don't want them and I don't want cancer, so no "fertilizer" for either of them! I'm even amazed that we need very similar nutrients that plants do, the basics like magnesium (Epsom salts), phosphorus, iron (blood meal), and many others, the same as is in regular fertilizer! Even a dash of sugar/molasses for sweeter veggies. Blows my mind! The way this world is set up is just astoundingly genius!!

It's 2am. Time to sleep. More later. Forgive me. I know this is a deep dive scientifically, but for me it's lifesaving and incredibly interesting.

Honeybera