Healing/changing my negative self concept

[Flifflo]

Hello all,

I’ve been working on changing my negative self talk. It’s been really up and down for me. My negative voice.... She’s pretty strong and certain of herself. It’s a hard fight.

I have to gather all my strength to put myself out there. Breath/grounding/focusing on the positive. I’m here, I’m ok. I’m not a little girl. I’m an adult with friends. I’m not in danger. I will be OK. Even if I get rejected I will still be OK. The fear of rejection/abandonment is strong in this one.

I get derailed at the slightest indication (in my own mind) of rejection. I have powered through those feelings now a couple of times and guess what?? My negative self was wrong!! I was not being rejected but was in fact being embraced by the people I wanted to be close too. It was so hard for me but I did it!! And now I’m better than just OK. I feel good today.
Thanks for listening,
Warmly,
Flifflo

[coconuts]

That's wonderful that you are finding success

[Flifflo]

Thanks coconuts,

It’s the little things. That aren’t really little. And the world isn’t really what I thought it was. And that is good news.

[Noname]

Hi Flifflo,

Definitely hear you about the little things not really being so little. It's great to read about your positive experiences. Fear of rejection/abandonment can be SO strong that it can sometimes create self-fulfilling prophecies. I'm glad that the world is proving to be different than you thought.

[Flifflo]

Thanks Noname.

I have definitely self-fulfilled a lot of prophecies in my lifetime. Oh boy. And isolated myself because of it. Working hard on myself right now. It’s exhausting but rewarding. ....And retraining people as to how I will be treated. THAT takes some resolve too!!

Thanks for your support.
Warmly,
Flifflo

[coconuts]

I had to retrain my marriage that way. Seriously hard work and resolve but worth it. It's taken a few years but things seem to be calming down. He is getting used to the new me and I'm not so hostile in fighting for my boundaries

[Flifflo]

Yes coconuts. Totally in the middle of that right now. I’m standing strong tho!! 2 feet planted on the ground. He’s not knocking my feet from under me. He will have to get used to the new me. ....And, so will I. I know I played/play a part in all of it too. But there is definitely a power struggle going on over here and I. Am. NOT. Betraying myself to keep the peace.

I’m glad to hear you have made progress in your marriage. . Good for you. That makes me hopeful. Good news is good news.

[coconuts]

I know it was my fault too. In a way I guess. I was trained to expect to be treated a certain way. Then when I became an adult I allowed that treatment to continue because I didn't understand exactly how. I essentially trained my husband to treat me that way. Now I've trained myself to not take that treatment and my husband has trained himself to treat me with more respect and compassion

[Flifflo]

Yes!! Same thing I think I’m beginning to go through. I’m glad to hear that it is working for you.

[Kenazandisaz]

I'm glad you could stand up to your negative one and take a chance. I'm even gladder that it went so well. It's great when people surprise you by being way better than expected. I hope the negative one can notice how well it went and share in the happy feelings. Sounds like they could really do with some good experiences of people!