can not forget but can forgive

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fightinback
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Posts: 614
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:36 pm

Re: can not forget but can forgive

Post by fightinback » Mon Mar 28, 2016 9:42 pm

Tamu
Tamu wrote:Does he not need to be sorry for what he did?
I think it became a whole lot easier for me when i really understood that people are very very different. For every abuser who has an awareness of what they are doing, there will be an abuser who has no awareness and it is 'natural' to them. In the same way, for every person who insists they see a square, another will insist the same shape is a circle; for every person who believes terrorists attacked the twin towers, another will believe it was the government; for every person who believes man has landed on the moon, another will insist we have never even left Earth. Man is very very complex.

Added to this, if an abuser does have an awareness, they may not have a conscious, be denying their conscious, have their own mental health problems, or just enjoy playing games.


Try not to focus on your abuser, he is not worth your effort. In reality you may never ever hear him say he is sorry. Forgiveness and understanding is about YOU finding your own way to move on, let go and find release - but only when you are ready.

Hope this helps.
FB Delicately changing my name because I don't need to fight anymore.

Be true to yourself
Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it

Sequoia
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Posts: 299
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 6:18 pm

Re: can not forget but can forgive

Post by Sequoia » Mon Mar 28, 2016 11:29 pm

Hi all,

Thought I'd weigh in on this issue.
First of all I believe that forgiving the abuser in NO WAY EXCUSES the abuser.
That being said, I found a healing and freedom in forgiving my abuser.
I was the one that changed. For me it was a declaration of no longer allowing my abuser space in my head.
It still meant I stayed no contact, but something happened that brought clarity to my understanding.
A story my uncle told me about my abuser. An aha moment. That explained it, but didn't excuse it.
And I took baby steps into forgiveness.
First I was willing to be willing to forgive. That was as far as I'd go at first.
Then when I was willing to forgive, it was not a one time event in my mind. It was a process.
Needless to say, most of this forgiveness work happened after my abuser's death.

Peace all,
Sequoia

fightinback
Member
Posts: 614
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:36 pm

Re: can not forget but can forgive

Post by fightinback » Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:49 pm

Very well put Sequoia :D and it is good to hear you have found your own forgiveness.

(we need 'like' buttons)
FB Delicately changing my name because I don't need to fight anymore.

Be true to yourself
Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it

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