The weight is lifted

[Olivia]

Hi
I am not sure if i am posting in the right area. Sorry if I’m not.
I’ve been healing from my past trauma for the last year now and I feel I’m at a point I’m not sure where to go from here. Maybe someone can help?

I recently started taking Prozac 20mg because of my ptsd, depression, and anxiety. For as long as I can remember I’ve experienced some sort physical symptom from my anxiety. Extreme sense of guilt, shame, self hate, suicidal thoughts. I internalized everything while i was abused from 8-9 and 12-24. Now at 35 i went a whole day without any of those feelings. It was weird. It was like being able to breath. My mind is not racing. Which is good!

I am not complaining..it just feels funny. It feels different. It’s hard to explain it. It’s like that pain has been apart of me for so long I don’t know who I am without it.

I would spend countless hours searching online looking for...I don’t even know exactly. Places like this i guess. Stories..different articles.

Since I’ve been taking the meds i haven’t had the urge for the binge searches. I know that sounds weird- i hope I don’t sound crazy.

[Harmony]

Hi Olivia,

Glad to hear things are looking brighter. There are a wide variety of ways to move ahead with healing from childhood trauma. Glad you are part of our community here. People are working through lots of modalities of healing. Reading (bibliotherapy), talk therapy, groups, dreams, EMDR and on and on and on exist to help survivors heal. The good thing about isurvive are our members. The experiences people share here can be helpful to us all.

Harmony

[Kokoschka]

Hi Olivia,
I can relate to the hours-long online searches, l've done that too in the past but not anymore since l found this forum.

In any case, you are not crazy!!! Your feelings and thoughts are the product of what was done to you, your mind is processing all that.

I've been on prozac myself for several years now. Though it doesn't cure depression ( l don't think this malaise, stemming from whatever reason, can be radically cured), it brought me back to life from a very dark and bad place l was in.

Wishing you that your feel good sensations keep increasing, Kokoschka

[Chessgirl]

Thank you for sharing. This really
Gives me hope, as my doctor suggested a medication like that for me. After reading your experience I feel much better about it.

[Oceantide]

Thanks for sharing. I struggled with years of depression until the right medication lifted my head above water. It enabled me to start doing other kinds of self-care and more effective therapy since I was no longer spending so much energy just trying to stay afloat. I'm happy for you.

[Kokoschka]

Oceantide, l'm glad your medication is working for you as well. What a relief it is once we're out of that bottomless pit, right?

Kokoschka

[coconuts]

Olivia. It can be weird i think figuring out who you are after years of fighting. Then not having the battle to fight would be amazing but confusing. It seems you have some self discovery and exploration to do. Find out what truly moves you. What you actually enjoy doing. Live for the peaceful moments. Taste the food, smell the air, feel the breeze, hear the leaves rustle in the trees. Notice all the things you haven't been able to because you've so busy in the battle.

Coconuts