I applaud myself

[Ndu]

So, yesterday I saw a video of this lady speaking at her son's murder trial - her son was the victim.. She was addressing the man who took her son's life and I was deeply moved by what she said. She basically said she didn't hate him for what he had done and she FORGAVE him, then she stood up, went to give the man a hug, as well as his mother too!

And I honestly hoped to live in such freedom, love and forgiveness. So I was thinking about her again today then I realized that I wasn't giving myself credit for how far I'd come. I remembered something I had surprisingly forgotten: exactly 3 years ago now, I called my abuser (my uncle). I was soooo terrified of addressing the CSA, I was terrified of how he'd react, how the conversation would go, of the consequences of bringing it up because to be honest, I didn't want any trouble nor a family "world war" to break out. Yet, I did it! No one dialed the number for me or spoke for me - I DID THAT, ME! I confronted him even though my heart threatened to just stop, and my brain was tapping out. I asked the questions that burned, I listened, I finally spoke up for myself.. and bravest of all, I FORGAVE him.

It took everything I had in me to go through with that conversation.. I'm glad I did. So instead of wishing I was like someone else, I'm glad I remembered this monumental moment in my life, and I REALLY APPLAUD MYSELF!!

[ajei]

Ndu...here applauding your monumental moment.

ajei

[Jonesy]

Hey Ndu

Yes, you absolutely should celebrate how far you have come. Smiling big for you

[Ndu]

Thank you so much! It feels good..

[Crow]

Hi Ndu,

I love that! Thank you for sharing this story and your personal story of your brave actions, your progress and your forgiveness.
I too should stop and look at how far I have come this past year.
I often think that forgiveness is all about self... releasing all the negative and hostile feelings that burden you and keep you living in that place of torment. I believed that I forgave my abuser just over a year ago, yet I get confused because I still struggle and I still feel negativity towards her. I wonder sometimes if I truly have forgiven... yet I know this is a constant journey - one with victories and one with pain. But I do feel that I have forgiven. I will choose to applaud my efforts and my progress too.
Thanks Ndu!

Crow

[coconuts]

Wow Ndu. Thats great. It sounds like standing up for yourself. Being that strength to stand up for you and to be the one to release in a way to forgive. That is amazing. What healing that can bring.

Applauding as well.

[Ndu]

Thanks @Coconuts

@Crow, I read a quote the other day that said: "Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude." - Martin Luther King Jr.
Just remember that forgiving doesn't invalidate what happened to you, so of course you'll still hurt and get upset at times - it's okay! I applaud you for still going strong in this journey, it's admirable. I celebrate you too

[Crow]

Thanks Ndu. That quote is quite right. I get frustrated though sometimes because I have many Christians tell me that I should forgive 'and' forget - just as God forgives those who put their faith in Jesus, and God doesn't keep reminding me of my sin because I am forgiven, so I need to forget the abuse just as God forgets our sins once we are forgiven. But forgiving I don't think is forgetting. It's like the Church seems to confuse me with this. And those who tell me those things are not abuse survivors...

Thanks for your support Ndu.

Crow