I Don't Need To Be Broken To Be Loved

[Ndu]

"Don't get me wrong. I want to hear everything about your life. But I want you to know that you don't need to tell me this to get me to love you. You don't have to be broken for me." ('Tiny Beautiful Things' by Cheryl Strayed)

I was in high spirits late last night after watching a comedy movie and this interesting quote above flashed through my mind. I felt so good about myself and I remembered that there was still so much good in me, in spite of - and because of - what had happened to me. I realised that I may still have some healing to do but even that proved my courageousness to face my misfortune head on and I'm proud of myself.

The healing process has been a rollercoaster ride of sorts honestly. It has been insightful, painful, harrowing, freeing and everything in between, to say the least. Many a times, I've sadly found myself subscribing to the "victim mentality"; I've gotten myself into devastating codependent relationships with people, and I've hurt myself along the way too. At one point, all I could see was my brokenness and that's all I told people about, because, I guess a part of me thought that by sharing "everything" about myself I could fast track the process of having "deep & meaningful" relationships with people (and "forge" intimacy) and maybe they'd love me..

So when I read that quote, it resonated with a truth within my chest and I guess it was a deep realization that I'm a person who's been deeply hurt by someone's terrible choices but I'm also the person who tries to make others feel okay, who seeks to make a difference, who loves others, who has compassion, who's not perfect but progressing, and so much more. I'm not a victim of life or circumstance, nor of my past. I don't need to be broken to be loved, to be "interesting" or "deep". I'm worthy of wholesome love, peace & joy, and the endless reality of the healthy & wholesome life before me. I'm not who I hope to be yet, but man.. I'm not who I used to be and I thank God for that!

[there]

Ndu,
I can relate.
"In spite of and because of"
I find myself in a similar place. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences .
I don't have to be broken to ask for support, either.
We can be shaped or influenced by trauma, but not defined by it.

[Ndu]

@there
What a profound response, honestly! I had never thought about the support part of it but wow, yes. And I'm sure that'll bring so much healing because it would mean relating to people without entirely "leaning" on them all at once when I'm in a complete rut but allowing them to come through and be there for me in everyday things (even the good)..I can already imagine the healthy relationships I'll have with those around me! This next leg of my life, I hope to live without defining myself by the trauma I've endured but to bring every part of me to the table (I know there must be a funny bone somewhere in this body ) I'm really optimistic about this one.. thank you

[there]

Ndu,
I love your optimism.
I'm working on the 'not being defined by trauma' part. It's true, I just need to strengthen that knowledge .

[Ndu]

We give ourselves time.. and depending on what we believe in, we can also try to lean into that but I do hope we all rise above it some day. I do believe we will, perhaps with a stronger sense of compassion, even toward ourselves, but also a stronger sense of worthy and of who we are.