Mountain climber checking in

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.

Moderators: Harmony, quixote, Jonesy

Post Reply
mountainclimber
Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:00 am

Mountain climber checking in

Post by mountainclimber » Wed Dec 18, 2019 10:14 pm

Hi. This is the first time I have posted anything here, though I joined a while back. I am a survivor of sexual, verbal and emotional abuse. I climb mountains literally as a way to take back my life. I also climb and will continue to climb for the rest of my life the mountain of hurt, shame, physical damage and emotional distress my abuse created. I am past my mid-life now, and while the climb is easier, it’s still in front of me. I am so lucky for the things I have - a means to support myself, an education, a zest for life that couldn’t be taken away, emotionally supportive family and friends.... One thing I never have had is a voice. The abusers were/are still a part of my life, though a limited part. They continued to abuse me when I was in their presence, and I could not bring myself to shine the truth on what they did and were still doing. I was the keeper of the family peace. I didn’t wish to cause further hurt, and I loved my abusers as only a child could. My mother chose to live with the man who molested me. She told me I should not talk about it. They were involved in the church; it would damage this man’s reputation and recovery if people knew, and besides, the past was the past. She often intimated that he was not to blame for my abuse or the fact that he infected me with a non-curable STD at the age of 12. I assumed if he were not to blame in her mind, then I must be. She ignored my abuse for a long time, then when the STD prevented further ignoring, she left me and my brother with our dad and never came back. When I became an adult, I tried to maintain contact with her, even when she insisted that my molester be a part of our interactions. I tried forgiveness; I tried compassion; I tried ignoring his lewd looks; I never spoke up when they had young neighborhood kids over to their house even though I was scared for them. I had lost my voice. My mother died two days ago, and I just realized that I had no one to protect anymore - my grandma, my grandpa, many of my aunts and uncles, now my mother, they are gone. I spent over a third of a century protecting them over myself. I finally cried today, not because my mother was gone - she had been gone for me a long time; but because I realized I was free to speak my truth and finally protect and fight for myself. Thanks for reading and being here.
Last edited by Harmony on Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from ST to MT due to moderately triggering content.

coconuts
Member
Posts: 3526
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Mountain climber checking in

Post by coconuts » Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:45 am

Glad for the freedom to speak, feel, hurt. It's such a difficult thing to deal with. Sad for the you has been hurt by these betrayals and the forced silence.

I do backpacking. Though not a ton. I'd love to do more but I've gained a lot of weight the last two years due to medical problems and I'm a very busy mom with lots of kids still at home. I've hiked the grand canyon rim to rim once and down and out 3 times. I also hike the local mountains. I'm planning a trip this summer for somewhere. Maybe Wyoming.

Anyways, welcome. Nice to. Meet you

Serenity
Director
Director
Posts: 2140
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:13 pm

Re: Mountain climber checking in

Post by Serenity » Thu Dec 19, 2019 11:31 am

Hi and welcome, mountainclimber. I'm sorry for the reasons, but glad you are here.

With care,
Serenity

there
Member
Posts: 8190
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Mountain climber checking in

Post by there » Fri Dec 20, 2019 2:02 am

Hi, mountainclimber,

I hiked Mt. Katahdin, the highest peak in Maine. I hope you will have many satisfying climbs to come.

Sorry you need to be here, but it’s a good place.
“Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles." Rev Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests