Mick - Intro

[Mick]

A mature survivor (okay "older than dirt" - is probably more correct). Have an Aces score of 9 and I miss 10 only by the fact that none of my family were in jail, although I spent a day in the courts awaiting my brother's hearing in a juvenile court. Luckily for him he missed it but unluckily for me. What followed a few months later was .. life changing. Have PTSD, which I am okay about except for nightmares, which change over the years. I now wake up because I just can't kill them no matter how hard I am trying, so I wonder about those who don't wake up until after. ( for decades I would wake in terror). Apart from that, PTSD is okay by now, as you know all your triggers and you just go for the ride. Superman style super hearing !!!

Mother had MBP and was a sadistic narcissist, brother became a pyschopath, (keep beating any dog and it will eventually turn) I was stuck in the middle for 16 years. Zero empathy for people, but high empathy for animals - think it is that Kasper Hauser thing. No fear (not a good thing). Have to resist the urge to run to chaos, (at least I now know when I am tempted to cause it). Have a string of physical issues as well which irritate me and I wish I was "okay with them", maybe one day I will be. Funny thing is I am now okay from all the poisoning, but my brother came out much worse. In my day n one had any idea what it was. But then again in my day, little children died from "accidents" too.

Mother put in institutions throughout her life, but somehow was deemed appropriate to be a single mother of two boys, sons of a man she despised and loathed. Wow, wonder how she was going to treat them.

Am a successful professional (not easy after being thrown under the bus at my school), married for a ... long time and never separated or divorced. ( A marriage to a survivor is anything but easy but in the end we are each others best friend and no one comes close to understanding us like we do). Two great boys, and can proudly say no one out their regrets meeting me. In great health, enjoy hoarding, and reading. Very into Pop Culture, and study this stuff as a hobby. Hope to keep learning.

Why am I here? I don't really know.

It is just that late at night, I still lie there trying to understand and pieces keep fitting into place. Sometimes with a resounding crash, other times that gently, they are barely noticed.

[Mick]

Where I come from there are no survivor support groups. I have been to a couple of workshops and found I got a lot from talking to people who have lived a similar life. I tried therapy and gave up on it (the re traumatizing thing). I would rather sit with another survivor and talk about how they have coped, talk about how I coped than someone no matter how well intentioned. They can never really get it. I have been lucky enough to find someone who had suffered horrendous sexual abuse, and was very lucky to be alive, who taught me much about sex abuse and made me realize that physical abuse survivors and sex abuse can have much in common. She was amazing. Highly successful in every area of her life. Unless you could ever get her to lower her guard and tell her story she looks .... almost too good to be true.

I read huge amounts on this, chronicle all cases that go before our courts and hope in my retirement years I can lobby for continued changes to the law.

On here I hope to be able to give support as often or more than I get it.

Thanks

Mick

[Jonesy]

Hi Mick

A very warm welcome to isurvive - glad you found us. Thanks for sharing so openly on your first posts.

[coconuts]

Welcome. Yes it is good to talk to other survivors and find what has worked well for them. I'm working on processing my history in t. I think for me. I need to face it. I ran and hid from it for so long. Like a toddler with her ears plugged singing lalala. Others on her have felt therapy is not the right choice for them. Either way I read and study and try to fill my tool box up with everything I can. Even if it's a tool I don't use too often it's nice to know it's in there.