Stuck

[Magpie]

Some days I’m ok, I keep myself busy with working 2 jobs and being a mum. I spend a lot of my free time going for walks, and reading self-help books (they somehow make sense of things) as I think I’ve been searching for that lately. I have a beautiful healthy family, a partner who loves me (we have our problems but we are doing well).

But here’s the thing I’ve been feeling for a few years now (ever since I accepted the past). I just feel stuck. Like if I don’t find answers or “sort this all out” somehow I can’t move on. I’m doing ok, my bad days are few now but on those days I feel stuck, lonely and hurt.

My mum won’t speak to me, I text, I email. My dad is in contact but makes it short and sweet if he visits or replies. The last thing my mum said to me was “you talk to her, because I’m done with her”. And passed the phone to my Dad.

Now what do I do? Some days I think I’ll write her a letter, or just turn up but I’m worried she’ll turn things around on me. And all because I’ve stood up for myself and my son against behaviour I could not stand back and condone.

I guess I need to just let go of the ideal dream that everything will be ok and how it should be with my family. Maybe I try too hard. I get angry some days and upset that I’m being treated this way and not believed or heard just for saying “I don’t agree with what you have said or done”.

I just don’t know what it will take for me just to start being unstuck and start living instead of surviving.,

Thanks all x

[reisha]

Hi magpie

Not many words, but wanna letchano im here, listening

Sendin gentle support

[Jonesy]

Hi Magpie

Glad to hear the positives in your post but really get those 'stuck' days.
It sounds like you desperately want contact with your mum and I can only imagine how this ghosting must hurt. Perhaps it's time to stop setting yourself up for rejection?

And all because I’ve stood up for myself and my son against behaviour I could not stand back and condone.

What a fantastic example to set for your son, as he will come across many such situations in life. Too many people take the easier path of silence.
Just remember you can't control the words or actions of another - the only things you can control are how you react to them.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and we don't always get what we'd prefer. Sounds like you have tried, so dust down on those 'stuck' days and hold your head high - you deserve the best and can find this by focussing on your own wee family of choice. I really do understand.

[Magpie]

Thank you, tears but proud and healing tears, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to stand up for what i believe in is right, hard because it goes against the foundation and the regime I grew up in and believing.

Wise words and helpful words from all, thanks again xx

[quixote]

Magpie,
Many of us here feel stuck, too. Sometimes getting unstuck is moving toward things that are really important to us. I know, easier said than done, especially on stuck days. Maybe on the good days you can start to explore what's really important to you now.
quixote