A Lesson To Learn

[Magpie]

Hi everyone,

Just sharing a thought on something, through my own experiences more recently on struggling with articulating to people and expectations of others.

I’ve thought recently that what I’ve needed is validation from family, that what I’ve been through with them is real, and yes it is something to stand up for and speak out. But I don’t get that, and I guess it was a fantasy to expect them to stop and be able to listen and learn and understand. I have been getting anger, rejection, the silent treatment and denial. It’s not right and it sucks, but what do I do now? I’m in limbo.

One thing I’m still learning and have learned somewhat is that if it feels right in your heart, if you are standing up for what is right-then that is all the validation we need.

No matter how loud I shout, or how much I cry, or how often I try to get them to understand, they just don’t get it. And you know what? It’s starting to be ok, it hurts daily but letting go of the expectation of validation helps.

Rest assured I have planted a seed, maybe one day that seed will grow and they will see it and hear me. I have tried to make myself heard. That’s all I can do. It’s time for healing now. I am not responsible for others reactions or actions, and if others choose to turn a blind eye, enable or deny, that’s up to them.

I’ve tried so so hard to be heard from my family, they just think I have problems with my relationship and I’m taking it out on them. They think I’m mad, they deny saying and doing certain things.

I remember daily what was said and what happened, and that although hard to live with, will hopefully help me to grow as a person and be a good mum to my son.

Thanks for listening . Love & light to you all x

[coconuts]

It is difficult sometimes letting go of those expectations for others to change. My mantra to myself is to tell myself that it's not my problem. It isn't my problem if they don't think the same way or if they think less of me or if they claim whatever. What is my problem is what is in my control to deal with. I can change my reaction to it. I can change where my life is headed because of it. I cannot change how others think or feel or judge. And so I just tell myself again and again and again and again that " It's not MY problem". Kudos for you for realizing this and taking some of you power back.

[Magpie]

Thank you Coconuts, that’s a good mantra to have.

[Flifflo]

Hey Magpie,

This one struck a chord with me. Tears. Feeling it. I guess we have to validate ourselves and not expect it from them. But there is some sadness in that too. Thanks for the reminder too coconuts. It’s not my problem.

At least we understand each other here. And that is something that is comforting.

We can be ok even if those around us have limitations. Sounds like you are having some good growth Magpie. Good for you.

*Edited goof to good.

[Magpie]

Thank you for your kind words, some days are better than others and I guess I’m healing a bit more than I realised which is good. And yes it is very comforting to know we are all here fighting, surviving and hopefully one day thriving. Love and light x