An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
Everyone is welcome here.
I like music, art, gardening, video games and my cat, Butterscotch Ripple (Butters for short). I'm in my early 20's and have recently begun to "remember" some not-so-nice things from my childhood (remember is in quotations because it is more of a knowing than a remembering, if that makes sense?). I am lucky enough to be in a situation where I'm safe and going to get help soonish. I don't live in a place where there is really any access to the kind of help I need but I'm willing to wait for the time being, because I have some family support. I thought I'd try to be proactive and reach out to some others online who are or have expirienced similar tragedies and are learning to survive. I don't want to make this introduction too long so I'll sign off here for now. Looking forward to connecting, and if anyone is looking for a pal to chat with I'd be honoured!
(if any of this information is too identifying please let me know and I will edit the post, thank you )
It feels kinda silly to be the first reply on my own post but I mostly just need to vent for myself. It’s newish for me but ever since I’ve really accepted what happened and have been able to stop myself from dissociation more easily (still hard but it’s worth preventing the cold panic of it), my emotions have been a bit like one of those rides at an amusement park where you’re strapped into a seat and flung up the top of a tower at top speed, only to come to an immediate halt and then plummet back to the ground, full stop again. Just describing that makes me want to vomit. I’m so scared and ashamed. I’m trying to keep it in check, because I know it’ll be okay, I’m safe now I think. It has to be, I’m gonna get better and then my family won’t think of me as such a failure, my brother won’t bully me, and I’ll be able to hug my dad without thinking “was it him?”. I know I’m supposed to feel like my suffering is valid but I’m such a spoiled brat who can barely call herself an adult. What if when I do get help it’ll be like any other time I’ve gone to see someone and tell them “what’s wrong”, I didn’t know what was wrong then. I hate the way psychologist observe you like an object and say things with false empathy. I know this is too much for me to unpack on my own, and I don’t deserve it because my family has already wasted so much money on me. I’m just so split down the middle of wanting to comfort and validate myself and then turn around and tell myself such catastrophically cruel things. Existence is hard right now, my body is so tired and sore. I’ve had irritated bowels and stomach, and dizziness ever since I started to remember these things.
Most of all I can’t sleep because I stay up all night and cry thinking about that little girl. She’s been all alone for so long. I forgot about her. How will she ever forgive me?
Last edited by Jonesy on Tue May 04, 2021 8:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:Changed MT to NT, as no triggering detail
LittleTiger wrote: ↑Tue May 04, 2021 12:33 am
I don't live in a place where there is really any access to the kind of help I need but I'm willing to wait for the time being, because I have some family support. I thought I'd try to be proactive and reach out to some others online who are or have expirienced similar tragedies and are learning to survive.
Good to hear you have family support, that is so helpful I'm sure.
Reaching out to people here has been hugely beneficial to me - to be understood and validated in my struggles.
Hope you settle in really quickly.
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
A very warm welcome to isurvive - glad to have you here with us
LittleTiger wrote: ↑Tue May 04, 2021 6:06 am
I hate the way psychologist observe you like an object and say things with false empathy. I know this is too much for me to unpack on my own, and I don’t deserve it because my family has already wasted so much money on me.
I just wanted to gently say that it takes time to build a relationship with a psychologist. The first few sessions will be fact finding for them, but that is a difficult and uncomfortable process to go through. Hang in there, you do deserve this.
Money and time are never wasted on those important to us.
Thank you for the welcomes I feel embarrassed that I ruined my first impression. Not going to lie I struggled to try and delete my thread and my account, I have such bad posters remorse sometimes. Social media is definitely one of my triggers but it’s so unavoidable that I’m still trying to figure out how to make it work for me. Patience is hard right now I guess haha
LittleTiger, you didn't ruin your first impression at all, but I do understand how you feel. I think you'll find others can relate as well. That's the beauty of this place. People here "get it". Be kind to yourself.
Thank you for the reassurance! I’m starting feet that what you say is very true. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kinder forum. Although I guess that it makes a lot of sense given the purpose of it.. it’s really nice to see such great communities like this.
). I'm in my early 20's and have recently begun to "remember" some not-so-nice things from my childhood (remember is in quotations because it is more of a knowing than a remembering, if that makes sense?). I am lucky enough to be in a situation where I'm safe and going to get help soonish. I don't live in a place where there is really any access to the kind of help I need but I'm willing to wait for the time being, because I have some family support. I thought I'd try to be proactive and reach out to some others online who are or have expirienced similar tragedies and are learning to survive. I don't want to make this introduction too long so I'll sign off here for now. Looking forward to connecting, and if anyone is looking for a pal to chat with I'd be honoured!
)
