Feeling's and dreams

[Pepe]

I'm struggling this last week or so with feeling I don't want and like.....
I feel as if I'm wakeing up with sexual feeling to the point I'm almost orgasmed feel very embarrassed about this it seems to be happening on a regular basis....
I'm haveing a few flashback about my sexual abuse really bad and now all these feeling ...just wish everything would just go away ...
I feel so exhausted with lack of sleep I'm scared to shut my eyes incase I have more flashbacks/feelings......

Not sure if anyone experienced similar that could try and give me a but advice

[Otterotter]

I totally have been going through this same experience for the past couple of months.

I have worked with my therapist to find sensory items that support... I am a big "smell" person. I got a pillow spray that I like that is a scent that has no attachment or triggers to the person or thing that happened. I spray that on my pillow at night. Also journaling about the dream when I wake up helps. Weighted blankets have also been a sensory support for me during sleep.

It doesn't magically make it all go away, but it has helped.

[gods_child]

Pepe,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time these days. I certainly hope you are able to get more rest and good sleep. I hate flashbacks and the way they make me feel. I always work hard on grounding myself during/after them and I've found that helps a bit. They are still very upsetting, but I sometimes find I can recover a little faster by reminding myself that those thoughts, visions, and sensations are all from the past and that I am currently safe/ok. I'm sorry your sexual feelings are upsetting, but that is perfectly understandable given how you've been struggling lately. I've had many times where I've had to remind myself (sometimes aloud) that being sexual is okay and supposed to be enjoyed under the right circumstances. I tell myself that I am taking my power back because I deserve to feel pleasure and that my pleasure will not be dictated by abusers.

I do hope you are able to find rest soon. I like Otterotter's sensory suggestions. I also find playing gentle music or white noise helps me relax at night. Or maybe even just music that is lively, but attached to happy memories. Working through trauma is so hard, but you will make it through this. Wishing you peaceful nights and more reassuring dreams.

-gc

[Pepe]

Had
another bad memory last night.
We were down the beach on a family break (the whole family) playing nicely all us kids when my uncle my abuser asked me to take a walk with him,I knew then what was going to happen.
I started panicking in my mind because his face his eyes I cant get that look of him out my head (pure evil)....
We walked what liked seemed ages he pulled his shorts down and his boxers then pulled mine down he then pushed me onto a pile of rocks that was behind me..
He then got on top of me witch felt like forever I was just laying there numb while he was inside .I couldn't do anythink I wanted too but I just couldn't move felt paralysed in that moment he finally finished...
I will never ever forget the way he looked at me the way the rocks felt digging into my back eberytime he thrust into me.....

I'm sitting writing this tear flowing down my face butterflies feelings in my stomach a sickly feeling in my mouth