good things happening but so scared

[itscleo]

Hi

I don't know where to put this, it's kind of a dumb problem. But I don't really have any friends or family I can talk to. Good things are happening but I'm so scared something will go wrong. I just have to get it out somehwere. I bought a condo last week. I grew up very poor so this is a big deal for me. I was sick with anxiety all last week but Thursday I bought it.

I had a pre-commitment from a bank- like they reviewed all my finances before I bought the condo and gave me a pre-commitment. So that is good. But then bc I was trying to get organized I started to shift my savings into different accounts to get ready to pay a down payment. And I didn't realize the bank was going to look at everything all over again. So now even though my savings are about the same it looks different bc I moved it around. So now I'm terrified it looks fucked up and they'll say no.

To make matters worse Friday I forgot one of the documents they wanted so I just remembered yesterday and sent it. I think I forgot bc I'm so stressed. Before they said I had a good case for a mortgage but now I'm afraid I messed it up somehow.

And this is like- I was talking to my therapist and she said you always believe you dont deserve anything and only bad things will happen to you. And this is true and I just dont believe this good thing will happen to me and somehow I will mess it up and it will all be my fault.

[coconuts]

Oh buying a home is such a trial. As for transferring the money you just need to make a letter for each transfer and documents showing you transferred money between accounts. We have had to do this before that should be fine. And documents can keep rolling in. They will just push the closing date back at the worst. If you made a commitment to buy they have to honor that for ab period of time unless you pull it.
Its scary buying a house i totally get it. But you do deserve this and I'm so excited for you to have your own happy home to build. A fresh start. And place of peace and calm that you so deserve. You deserve it.
coconuts

[itscleo]

Thanks so much coconuts. In my head I know I'm probably being crazy. I have all the statements going back three months and can show what got moved to where. And I have lots of time- it's not supposed to close until middle of May.

But inside I guess I feel like a young scared kid, just wanting for the sky to fall in. It's worse that I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm 44 and one of the reasons I never did this before is I was just too scared, I couldn't cope with it emotionally.

I talk to one of my doctors tomorrow and she is not terribly helpful with this stuff but maybe it will help a little. I don't know.

[Harmony]

Hi itscleo,

It all might be a very positive sign:
That nervous unsure feeling just might be post traumatic recovery growth. Yup. You just might be healing! Sometimes new big things can be triggering even in a happy way. You are moving ahead even if it is difficult. That looks like healing from here (not to judge). The scariest thing besides having to buy a new car was buying a home. It is a big deal in a very wonderful way.

Wishing luck and happiness.

Harmony

[itscleo]

Thanks. I think my therapist would say that too- that it was healing. Maybe. Really struggled yesterday and today off and on. Still waiting on the back. It's only been 24 hours and they said they were a bit backed up so tomorrow is more realistic. I just wish it would get resolved.

I did some writing on what it stirs up from the past. It's like when I was a kid I thought inside I was this bad person and if people saw that they would know I didn't deserve anything and they would just get angry at me and hurt me and reject me. So the fear is like that, waiting for that to happen. That is bc of my step-father that is where those feelings come from.

I am SO TIRED of dealing with my past. Just so f---- tired. Does it ever go away? I hate it.