Feeling Rejected When Seeking Help?

[Crow]

Hi gc,

One step at a time. You have seen a doctor so that is a good step. What has she suggested if you don't mind me asking? Don't be hard on yourself though, you're making progress.

Crow

[gods_child]

Crow, it looks rude that I never responded to you here, but I know we've talked in chat about my appointment. I have another one in a couple of days. I'll let you know how it goes. Progress seems slow, but something is better than nothing.

General:
So...guess what...no T yet. Ahhhh! I am honestly incredibly disappointed with myself. I hate the "rejection" feeling and how I want to run when it comes to this. I better get it together soon. My doctor will ask me in a couple days about my progress with therapy. Eeek. Must...be...strong. I can't do it. I can. But, I don't feel I can. See, this is what goes on in my head. I think about calling and I'm instantly reminded of the condescending conversations, the reprimand-like comments, the denial of service, and the calls that were never returned. Tough stuff.

[Crow]

No need to worry gods_child, I didn't think it rude at all. I don't recall talking about it in chat, but that may be just my memory.

I think about calling and I'm instantly reminded of the condescending conversations, the reprimand-like comments, the denial of service, and the calls that were never returned.

Yes, that sounds like my thought process too, so I understand your hesitancy.
But you are strong gods_child, you have proved that throughout your life. You've got this.

Crow

[Crow]

Hi gods_child,

Hope everything is okay with you.
How did you get on with your doctor? And any joy with finding a therapist?
Just want you to know that I (and several others here) are thinking of you.

Crow

[earthhorse]

Hi Gods_child,

It's not your fault that it's hard to get help and then hard to find the right kind. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your struggle. I have been going through a similar one, and it's immensely triggering to be rejected and negatively stigmatized.

I don't know where you're based, but though there is hope, and you need to have hope, there are a lot of real obstacles. Mental health services are a mixed bag, historically also playing a big role in victim blaming and further persecution of victims -= that's real. It's a fine line, there is good therapy out there that comes from a client centered, empirical, emancipatory tradition and there is a toxic culture to that continues harm, isolation, dehumanization and silencing.

In my journey, it has been very important no matter what - to never develop a full dependency on psychiatry, though of course I need psychotherapy and treatment. And we both deserve good help. What i mean by that is, is it just as vitally important to establish safety in our lives, to make healing connections that we need, to get support to and to be able to have healing practices that work for us. To develop our own spirituality, and in this I mean in the broadest sense, more personal sense- what brings the body and soul together. Because we so often need transcendence and connection that others simply can't provide, we have to waken our something higher in our selves, something greater than we are.

It can be a desperate struggle. I was feeling so triggered by the rejection in the last two years or more, I had worked up quite a feeling of desperation and despair. Just the other day it kind of dawned on me that even though it is hard and is a struggle, and I am in need. I need to let go of the desperation. I need to allow myself choices and to accept what is real. So many times false hope has hurt me or brought me to force a situation that didn't fit. It's a balance, I absolutely need to advocate for myself, but I refuse to let this process destroy my life even further.

I hope you find the right therapist soon. You absolutely deserve this at a minimum.

Take loving care,
EH

[gods_child]

Crow & earthhorse,

Thank you for your kind words. My doctor's appointment went well. No joy with finding a T. Feeling quiet these days. I'll check back in later. Hoping you are well.

-gc

[Crow]

Hi gods_child,

Really good to pop into chat and see you there. Please take to heart the things I have said. You are a great source of support.

Crow

[gods_child]

A long overdue update:
I have been reaching out again. I even emailed and talked on the phone with someone and may be close to securing counseling/therapy. I am awaiting a callback to finish intake so they can make a final determination on my eligibility. Thanks to everyone who has cheered me on. I have a lot to deal with and process. I really don't want to do it, but I don't see any other good, healthy options at this point. It took a while and I don't know if it will work out, but I finally did it!

- gc

[Oceantide]

That's great news! Glad to hear you're making progress in finding the help you need.

[gods_child]

Oceantide, thanks for the support. I was a bit proud of myself.

So...I got rejected because of my location. I really feel like giving up. I don't want to go through my local center for good reasons (not a quality issue), but it's seriously hard to find anything. I kind of feel like giving up now. I will not, but I really want to just pretend everything is ok and quit trying.

- gc