Balance

[Nelll]

Hi Crow,

Sorry I should have said, yes I am okay. Just having some issues with my throat and asthma but I'm okay.

Thank you for the offer of the chat, I'll take you up on that if that's okay...

Also thank you for clarifying my worries regarding being selfish. I have alot of trouble figuring that out and always cut myself very little slack when it comes to it. I have some real issues mentally with it.

Thanks Crow, see you in the chat maybe?

Nell

[Crow]

I'll be in chat in a min.

[Crow]

Hi Nelll,

Hope you're doing okay. Been thinking of you. I hope you've managed to talk a bit more with your partner about the upcoming wedding situation.

Crow

[Nelll]

Hi Crow,
I hope you're well, I hope you had a good weekend.
Thank you for checking in, really thoughtful of you.

I was able to chat with him thankfully. At first he sort of brushed it off and told me I have nothing to be nervous about. I walked away and collected myself so I could speak without just crying. I told him how scared I was and laid my boundaries again. I kept saying how although I feel like this, I don't want their relationship to change (other than to get better). It's really hard having that balance and him understanding that too. I don't want him to feel like he can't because of me. I really really don't.

He reassured me and told me that he would support and defend me the whole way through. I am very lucky to have someone so supportive, even if he doesn't say much. He wished I had told him sooner, so I'll remember that.

I'm still scared, I'm still going to use my dad's pen with a camera and recorder on the day.

On another note, I've been moved to the brown inhaler and hoping that sorts me out alittle!

Again, I hope you're okay and thank you for dropping by.

Nelll

[Crow]

Hi Nelll,

Glad you've managed to talk and make clear the boundaries you want. I appreciate that it's a tricky situation for your partner as well as yourself, and I think you're navigating the situation very well. You're thinking of his needs and relationship with his brother, but not neglecting your own needs, voice or boundaries which is really good.

With regards to the inhaler, I'm on the brown one morning and evening too, but I've been on a reduced dose for the first time in a long time the past two years.
I think my struggles with feeling breathless and like I can't get a full breath of air in my lungs is not asthma related as it's not the usual asthma symptoms or feelings, and it's all the time this past year. Sometimes wonder if that along with the fatigue is an ongoing symptom of possible Covid-19 a year or so ago. (It was before the global pandemic was declared and I'd not seen a doctor, but both my wife and I were very unwell for a few weeks with bad coughs and breathing troubles - and my wife does not get ill often either. I had an antibody test last July and results showed a very high level of antibodies, indicating that I may well have had Covid-19.)
Anyway, who knows?!

Good to hear you're doing alright.

Crow

[Nelll]

Hi Crow,
Thank you for saying that I'm dealing with this well, I have a real hard time figuring that out.

After speaking with my nurse yesterday she said that my asthma was based in my lung rather than my throat. Hence the brown inhaler. I too struggle to catch my breath and feel like.i haven't got enough air in my lungs, this happens mainly when I'm laying down.
But you could definitely be right! My dad had the same around December (before covid) and we are sure thats what it was. My step mum was the same.
Hope that sorts its self out soon for you.

Thanks Crow, as always.
Nelll

[Crow]

Hi Nelll,

I saw your post in the chat room request forum, but am replying here to leave that thread on topic.
Yeah, I was down. I am down. Things have taken a really unexpected and upsetting turn in life and I don't know how to stop worrying and feeling so detached and absent from my life each day. I can't talk about it at the moment, but feel free to look at my thread if you haven't seen it... viewtopic.php?f=15&t=10475&start=230#p234274

Hope you're doing okay. I have seen your new thread and question there... I'm just not in the right place mentally or emotionally to go there or do anything.

Crow

[Nelll]

Hi Crow,
I'm glad you saw my message on the other thread, I was worried you wouldn't have seen it.
No pressure to talk about anything, I really hope things work out. Like I said in my reply on your thread, I wish I knew what to say that would comfort you.

I've actually been trying to work out how to delete my other post, I can't find how to do it anymore. I was sort of hoping it would get lost within other posts. So, absolutely no pressure to go there at all.
I'll be around today if you wanted to chat.

All the best,
Nelll

[Jonesy]

Hi Nelll

Hope you had a good weekend.

Just wanted to let you know that I have moved a post made here by coconuts, to Crow's thread viewtopic.php?f=15&p=234476#p234476, as it was addressed to him and not you.

[coconuts]

Oh man nell, I dont know what happened with the crow post. So sorry.

Im sure this is all so stressful and trust is such a hard thing for survivors to give. I think that i would find ways to ensure my safety, like the pen camera idea you had. As well as probably lots of avoidance. Your safety is number one, above pleasing others or avoiding rocking the boat. I know all that is easier said than done. It sounds like it is going to take a lot of communication skills and openness with your partner. But is seems like you are growing to be stronger every day.
Coconuts