Feeling Hopeful

[SunflowerinPisces]

I wanted to say hi to you all from Scotland as we move into 2021 (what a time to be alive)

I have been a bit of a silent observer on here since the middle of last year and so, I want to say thank you. Simply being able to read and hear the voices of other survivors has been a gift for me. I registered at a point last year when I truly believed I was going to take myself out of this world and I now write, with some renewed hope.

I am a survivor of sibling incest as a child, my brother was the perpetrator of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. As a young teenager I went on to develop what I now understand to be DID and managed to keep myself alive despite engaging in massively risky behaviour (paradoxically, perhaps that is what kept me alive!). I have memories of being raped again in my late teenage years and again when I was 33 years old.

I turned 40 this year just before lockdown and made the heart wrenching, but necessary decision to cut contact with any of my family. This seems to have given me and my wee ones the space to breathe, grieve and start integrating parts of my life history. I have a very beautiful therapist who utilises the Comprehensive Resource Model and although she hasn't worked with a DID client before, she meets me in such a way that I am able to start expressing the silent voices inside.

I am also struggling with alcohol use, I have been drinking since I was 11 years old. I recently read a very wonderful book called 'Trauma and the 12 steps' by Jamie Marich, who indecently, I value so much as a speaker on trauma. Thought I would share in case there are others here who might feel drawn to some reading like that.

I appreciate you all,

x

[Crow]

Hi SunflowerinPisces,

Welcome to isurvive. And well done on your first brave post. So glad that you are here and made that step.
Sorry for all that you and been through both as a child and as an adult.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I shall look it up. I haven't really talked about addictions or behaviours like that personally yet, but will check out the book.

Hope you get so much more out of being part of this community as time goes on.

Crow

[SunflowerinPisces]

Thank you for your welcome crow,

I feel really privileged to be here and share in this journey with others.

I learned about Jamie Marich from the 'Breathe Network', I have found them a beautiful resource and support recently.

x

[Chessgirl]

Hey sunflowerinpisces,
I am so sorry you had to experience those awful things throughout your life. I can relate to many of the troubles you shared. I also had to cut ties with my family. It was very difficult, but also so healthy and important for my healing. I also am a recovering Alcoholic. You sound like you are on the path to healing. You sound self aware and determined and strong! Just wanted to give you my support while you continue on your journey!
Chessgirl

[ajei]

Hi sunflowerinpisces...a big welcome...it's really good to meet you.

ajei

[SunflowerinPisces]

Hi Chessgirl,

It sounds like we are treading a path with many similarities, thank you for commenting and sharing that.

Perhaps I will try to find a thread with others who are talking about alcohol dependancy, if you have any thoughts (and feel able to share) I would be so glad to hear them. I really respect and honour your hard work to sobriety,

I hear much strength in your writing too,

Sunflowerinpisces

[SunflowerinPisces]

Thank you Ajei for your welcome, it's really good to be here.

[Kokoschka]

Hello SunflowerinPisces and welcome!!
That is some beautiful corner of the planet you live in. Wish l had visited when l could.
We're all here to listen to you whenever you're up to it. Kokoschka

[Jonesy]

Hi SunflowerinPisces

Very glad you found us - welcome to isurvive - not many of us Scots here

[Helentracy]

Welcome, SunflowerinPisces

I am glad to see you here and hope that you can find the resources and support you need.