Sharing my Story Triggered another memory

[kindness]

I am writing because my initial post triggered a previous molestation memory. I was in the second grade and my elder brother of 5 years took me into the bathroom with him and had me give him oral sex. I can remember as clear as day him saying, "harder, harder!" I can also remember my other brother outside the bathroom door asking, "what are you guys doing in there?" Before joining this group I actually contacted this brother, with no intention of bringing up what happened. I believed I had forgiven him. And what did I get for reaching out to this brother after so many years? He told me off, said our deceased father was never a father to him, have a nice life and goodbye. Click. Then one of my cousins asked for his number and she claimed to have had the best of conversations with him for a while where he supposedly said, "I am nice to those who are nice to me." I cannot claim that as truth however because I was not on the line to hear it for myself.

Part of me wanted to call him again or write a letter because I found his address on the internet and give him a piece of MY mind! But I said to myself for what? He has moved on with his life as I need to and no one is going to go and kick his door in after all this time. I am just not in a very good space now with this old memory floating around in my mind and am open to feedback on how to get past it. Thanks all.

kindness

[coconuts]

Here listening. Its hard to remember painful things and feel caught between family relationships. We give way too mich credit to the family relationship in my opinions. We are afraid to let go of people we should just because they are family.

Sorry things got triggered and these feelings are difficult for you right now.
Coconuts

[kindness]

Thank you for the reply coconuts. I agree that I place too much importance on family relationships. I believe it is bred into us as we grow up that we are supposed to take crap off of family just because they are family or give them more sway over us than others. The feedback is much appreciated as well as the sincere concern.

kindness

[dragonelle]

Hi Kindness,

Its so hard when everything is 'live' in your brain - know that everything is calm here at least.

Wishing you a grounded feeling soon,

[kindness]

Hi dragonelle:
You are correct about things being difficult when "alive" in the brain. Thank you for your supportive words. Today I am feeling better and I credit the support received here for that. This is truly a calm space. I slept like a rock last night!

kindness

[serenadaphne]

People can be the worst sometimes! I'm sorry things got triggered, all information about you is good information. I'm sorry this person didn't act appropriately, then and now, and I hope that you do whatever needs to be done to care for yourself and protect your peace.

[kindness]

Hi seranadaphne:
Thank you for your support and you are correct, people can be awful. I am taking care of myself on numerous levels and I cannot underestimate the value of of this forum! Thank you!

kindness

[somewhereinbetween]

Hi Kindness,

Its so hard when everything is 'live' in your brain - know that everything is calm here at least.

This is the truth.

Kindness - I hear you. That anger is so difficult to have when its nowhere to place it. After all this time I think a part of us wants them to feel how we feel. Right there with you. Put your wellbeing above all else.

[kindness]

Thank you somewhereinbetween. I am taking numerous steps to protect myself above all else. I also do not believe that cousin who made the subsequent phone call truly has my best interest at heart so I let that person go too. Family will often assert upon us as others do not. That brother I referenced, I threw the letter in the trash where it belongs with him. He does not deserve to be a part of my life! Thank you for your supportive words.
kindness