A snippet of my life

[Daisy]

Hello all,

I found this forum from some resources that my T suggested to me. My T and husband believe that I may find someone who has had similar experiences and they think maybe it would help to know that I'm not alone and to have some support from a person or people that can relate to my story. So here goes a little of it.

I was sexually molested by 2 of my uncles at a very young age (one of my earliest memories is one instance but I'm not sure that was the first time) and that continued until I was about 12 I think. Also during a young age a cousin had my brother and I "play house" by touching each other. That happened a few times before my cousin said it couldn't happen anymore and became more protective of me against everyone. Me and my brother "played house" with one of my friends one time before the "playing house" stopped with my cousin. I was raped twice at different young teen ages by different people. My brother (the same one as stated above) started sexually molesting me sometimes (there were months and even years between events) from when I was around 15 til I was about 22. Then nothing happened for about 16 years. Life was good and I had built a great family. I did still talk to my brother every now and then and started growing closer to him and his family this past year. Then I let my guard down in August of this year and he raped me. I almost lost it and decided I needed to get into therapy before I did anything irreversible. I've been in therapy since and have been trying to work on all of the sexual abuse I have endured as well as other issues caused by other family members that had majorly affected me growing up (abandonment, emotional abuse, etc).

That's the short of my story, there's so much more to tell but I figure either it will all come out on here at some point or it won't. I've struggled with even creating this post, started and erased so many times. I hope I didn't trigger anyone with anything I've said.

Anyway, thanks for reading my little snippet of my life.

[Harmony]

Dear Daisy,

So glad you found our safe community here at isurvive. Let me be the first to welcome you. This is a place for you to grow. There is company for your healing journey. You are not alone. There is lots of experience here.

again welcome,
Harmony

[coconuts]

Welcome, so sorry for all the hurts you have endured. This is definitely a place for finding others who will listen with understanding ears. Ive found there seems to always be someone who gets it. Understands why i think the way i do or has experienced similar things.

Coconuts

[serenadaphne]

Daisy,
Thank you for sharing your story with us, part of it at least. I'm so proud of you for choosing to get help.

[Daisy]

Thank you everyone. I've found some similarities while reading some other people's stories/posts and have been able to come to some realizations about myself that I wouldn't have otherwise. I'm thankful for that. It has helped a little just knowing that I'm not the only one to have some feelings/thoughts/actions, that I'm not just "permanently messed up", etc. I'm grateful for this forum and for everyone sharing what they do/have.

[Jonesy]

Hi Daisy

A warm welcome to isurvive, very glad you found us.

[Daisy]

Thank you Jonesy.

[Gloxia]

Dear Daisy,I am sorry for what you went through,I had similar experiences and it took me along time to realize I was in charge of my body no one can ever hurt you again.I have been to therapy many times at different points in my life. Things will get easier and looking back will become less terrifying

[ajei]

Hi Daisy,

A warm welcome, it's really good to meet you. I look forward to seeing you around.

ajei

[Daisy]

Dear Daisy,I am sorry for what you went through,I had similar experiences and it took me along time to realize I was in charge of my body no one can ever hurt you again.I have been to therapy many times at different points in my life. Things will get easier and looking back will become less terrifying

Thank you for replying. I am looking forward to a time when I can feel in charge of my body again. This last incident really took it's toll on me. I've even had a couple of panic attacks at the store for seemingly no real reason. Looking back isn't as terrifying as it is hurtful and confusing. The question "why?" comes to mind with everything that has happened and does happen but I can't find answers to that. This is my first time in therapy. Apparently I just pushed everything to the back burner and dealt with just moving forward and now it all came rushing forward as if a dam broke. I can understand more about myself now and why I'm reserved and don't make friends or trust easily but trying to break those habits have been hard as well (my T suggests trying to make friends). I did start trying to get creative again through writing and photography and it does help to calm me sometimes.

Okay now I'm rambling haha. Thanks everyone for replying and being so open. It really does make me feel a little better knowing that I'm heard.