Numb emotions after accepting it was abuse

[Magpie]

Hi all,

Just a question to any of you about experiencing numb emotions. I have noticed I have felt this way gradually after accepting the abuse happened (I accepted it was abuse about 2 nearly 3 years ago).

So, I feel very numb emotionally towards my family in particular, I sometimes experience pockets or anger and resentment and loss towards them, but mostly it’s like they are a memory, seeing as we don’t talk much these days.

I also feel quite numb when talking to my partner and feel very closed off from him emotionally, like I’m on autopilot and I have to remind myself it’s ok to have a hug and just be vulnerable. It’s ok to feel happy and be optimistic.

Even when remembering the abuse now, I do remember it, just as it was the 1st time I did, but my emotions are quite numb about it, not really feeling anything about it.

Is it possible to never have experienced this numbness, until I accepted the abuse and disclosed it? That’s when I noticed a difference.

I’m trying some grounding techniques and practising meditation and yoga which helps me try to stay in the present moment. Is there anything else I can be doing? Or is this part of the process?

Many thanks

[ajei]

Hi Magpie,

Our brains seem to just kind of know when we need protecting, especially when we are processing difficult emotions, such as, anger, sadness etc. So the brain in it's wisdom dampens/numbs our emotions until we can manage. It's great that you're doing the grounding stuff like yoga and meditation. I also found journaling really helpful and music playlists...I had a playlist for when anger came up and I would clean the house, a kind of hippy one for walking etc they all helped me to stay with any feelings and remain grounded. I'm sure others here might have some other ideas too.

Take care,

ajei

[Magpie]

Many thanks for the ideas, I like the music one, it’s a good release of energy isn’t it? I think I need to work out more ways to let it out productively, so that it doesn’t fester, and actually feel the feelings.

[quixote]

Magpie,
It may take some time to feel like yourself again. In the meantime, try not to be hard on yourself. Getting involved with something else may help take your mind off things. My own hobbies, for example, help me to take my mind off things occasionally.

[Magpie]

Thank you, I have started taking up drawing again which I use to love to do as a child, I guess it helps me to connect with her too which is a helpful thing.