I got out

An area for new members to introduce themselves, as well as a place where all members can share concerns, questions or general posts.
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Moderators: Harmony, quixote, Jonesy

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Kiwimango
Member
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2020 1:59 am

I got out

Post by Kiwimango » Wed Mar 11, 2020 9:23 pm

Hey everyone, just thought I'd check this place out! I struggled for four years to leave my husband. Finally got out after something terrible happened. I told people all the time that if it weren't for my two babies, I wouldn't have ever left. For a while I was scared my husband would look for me. Completely paranoid! After he got arrested, I found out he quit his job and was looking for me.

I still get scared every time I see a van that looks like ours. Sometimes if I see a man wearing what he would wear or whatever, I feel like it's my husband, but he's locked up.
Last edited by Serenity on Thu Mar 12, 2020 10:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT as no triggering detail included

Watercolor
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Posts: 1195
Joined: Wed Jan 01, 2020 11:46 pm

Re: I got out

Post by Watercolor » Thu Mar 12, 2020 1:45 am

Welcome, Kiwimango! I like your user name and am glad you're here.

I'm so sorry there were awful and terrifying times. I'm thankful you are away from him and are safe now.

coconuts
Member
Posts: 3385
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: I got out

Post by coconuts » Thu Mar 12, 2020 3:24 am

So glad you got out. Understanding the fear that follows. Hoping you will find a way to feel and be safe

Serenity
Director
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Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:13 pm

Re: I got out

Post by Serenity » Thu Mar 12, 2020 10:28 am

Hi Kiwimango,

Welcome to isurvive. I'm sorry for the reasons, but glad you are here.

With care,
Serenity

Jonesy
Director
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Posts: 12894
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: I got out

Post by Jonesy » Thu Mar 12, 2020 5:38 pm

Hi Kiwimango

Welcome - glad you found us ;)
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org

Harbor
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:52 am

Re: I got out

Post by Harbor » Fri Mar 13, 2020 7:11 am

Kiwimango, welcome. I'm glad you got out and your babies are safe. We're here to listen and support.
"'Safe Harbor' is a state of mind... it's the place - in reality or metaphor - to which one goes in times of trouble or worry. It can be a friendship, marriage, church, garden, beach, poem, prayer, or song." -Luanne Rice

Kiwimango
Member
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2020 1:59 am

Re: I got out

Post by Kiwimango » Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:49 pm

Thanks, everyone. Sometimes I feel like there's nowhere to go. Nobody understands. My husband had me bent over the sink backwards with a knife at my neck. Something wrong with him. He laughed while I cried and begged! Laughed? That same thing happened several times. If you asked me to tell you about another incident, it would be the same information. He's crazy!

I was talking to my pastor's wife. I have to take care of two babies by myself. I said, "At least you had help." She responded, "Well, not always. My husband worked two jobs and was always preaching." I walked away because even if it were not literal physical help, she still had her husband's support. On another occasion, I told her I felt like nobody understands. "I understand more than you think. I've been hurt by people I love. Not my husband, but people I love." Um... so have I! My dad beat me, my mom neglected me, I had a crazy babysitter, I was bullied in school, and I had an abusive boyfriend. I thought the home was supposed to be somewhere safe, but I'm always waiting for someone to hit me because that's my norm! It doesn't have to be, but I don't feel normal. I have to get past that somehow. I'm not saying hitting people is normal. Just an everyday basis for me. So does my pastor's wife really understand?

Me: We don't walk to bed together anymore.
My husband: do you think ___ and ___ walk to bed together?
Me: I don't know, but I doubt ___ hits his wife!
My husband: They said, "No divorce here! Might be some killing, but no divorce here!"
Me: I don't think that's what they meant.

coconuts
Member
Posts: 3385
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: I got out

Post by coconuts » Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:13 pm

It can be so difficult to rewrite our stories when the trend has been so painful. When we've been molded to believe we aren't worth better. We are and we deserve peace and understanding and safety.

I hope that this has allowed you to rewrite your children's stories. They will have a mom who shows them their worth is better. They deserve better and so do you. Here's to a happier future. Its work but it's worth it

quixote
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Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:14 am

Re: I got out

Post by quixote » Sun Mar 15, 2020 3:19 am

Kiwimango,
Glad you got out. Stay safe.
quixote

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