Hoping my family would acknowledge it

[johnram]

Hi all,

I havent posted properly in 2 years or so, but i have been active on a healing journey, changing work to suit that also.

I spent some time today going through old notes (10 years old), and also been thinking recently that within me there is some need to either want my family to rescue me, to be better, to try.

Its this hope, but then there is also this anger, at them, for all thats happened, the neglect, the traumas, the abuse.

But for some reason i want them to acknowledge it - not sure what this is, but i feel deeply it blocks me.

I think its all a mask for the deep hurt and sadness......i think...but keen to hear any experiences similar and how you get over / through it?

thanks

[Jonesy]

Hi johnram

It's good to see you and hope that your healing journey hasn't had too many bumps on the road.

there is also this anger, at them, for all thats happened, the neglect, the traumas, the abuse.

I very much hear you. Is there any chance of your family acknowledging things?

[johnram]

(increased to ST)

Thank you Jonesy

my family wont acknowledge it - they still deny my brothers attempted suicide, including my dad who read the letter with me.

so its something i need to let go...

the other thing is, i dont know what i get if they do..... still have the pain to deal with anyway....

[quixote]

Johnram,
I hope they will acknowledge what happened.

[johnram]

They wont, i have really sat with it
and i dont want to be sitting more in that child hope for them giving me what they never have
thats the lesson

[the husband]

Hi Johnram

and i dont want to be sitting more in that child hope for them giving me what they never have
thats the lesson

Your statement really resonated for me. I had a similar realization, and I moved away from thinking I would be happy if only others would ____. I'm not willing to be dependent on others that way anymore. It is freeing to disentangle from relationships that, looked at objectively, aren't reality-based. I have some immediate family who I no longer try to stay in touch with, because they don't try. For too long I would go to the effort of maintaining a relationship, but finally realized I doing all the work and really the relationship was just me feeling dutiful for no reason at all.

[johnram]

thank you for sharing @The husband
i have come to realise that i have been waiting for them to save me, hear me, but they have never done that
its really blocked my healing
but its the inner child still hoping for love, so its for me to give it to him and not have that false hope anymore
that said, there is a lonely element there but, its safer and more loving than my family, and its not going to abandon and hurt us again

[Harmony]

Hey Johnram,

Great job moving into your true story. It resonates. What might help is to remember that the one to save you is here now. That one is of course adult you. You can move the story of your life into the direction you chose. It takes hard work. Like many of us you may need to literally "re-wire" your brain. It is a lot of things including painful, difficult and sad but in the end it is the way to the life you chose. Let yourself chose your own life not the life others chose for you.

Keep on moving forward,
Harmony

[johnram]

Lots of love to you Harmony, thank you for that

it touched me and it feels true, although scary, journey is slowly, but i am making progress