~ isurvive.org - A Non-Profit Organization for Abuse Survivors Learning to Thrive ~ :: View topic - Is anyone else struggling with the Summer Solstice?

Faith

For those of you who were RA'd, do any of you feel like you are losing your mind? I have felt near-insane for over a week now. I had hoped it would pass once I reached the day of the summer solstice (today), but I am battling suicidal urges, urges to self-injure (including ways I have not used in the past), and like I just want my sanity to snap to get it over with. It is so intense that I cannot take it. I can't stop crying. Xanax is not helping.

I know it ties into the summer solstice being today, combined with sleeping poorly for weeks, but somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. (I have a lot of other s@#$ going on right now as well -- ADHD child who is out of control, no hot water for a week, etc.) I just want the pain to stop. I cannot bear it. Crying or Very sad

- Faith
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After the rain, the rainbow.

seviepoh · Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 5:26 pm Post subject:

Faith...

Hang on there kiddo, you are not alone. I started feeling the effects about 2 weeks ago, switching back and forth and the more self-destructive collective showing themselves. I find ourselves jumping at shadows and this morning, of all mornings, the cat killed a chipmunk and brought it too the door. I swear the look in her eyes was a reminder...that my soul was being penetrated once again. The only thing I can think of that would be worse is if it were also a full moon. There is a feeling, like the call of the wild, that is pulling at us. It is part of our programming.

Your friend,

sevi
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de profundus clamavi ad te domine

Little Bird · Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:26 pm Post subject:

Faith, I have not walked in the horrendously dark world in which you have walked so I cannot answer this post in the way you are asking. I just wanted to add my voice to say that I am thinking of you. That I am offering my hand to help you through. I may not understand your particular road, but I care.
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Lost Little Bird, so tiny in the buffeting wind...but one day I will fly. The darkness will not win.

woundedhealer · Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 12:15 am Post subject:

yes,

really having bad time..in many times, i thought i was alone.

i just too tired to fight anymore, and i am by myself and very sad.

yes surely i think they are coming for me.
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"SMALL THINGS DONE WITH GREAT LOVE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD." MOTHER THERESA

ref · Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:43 pm Post subject:

Faith,

I read your post and am sadden you are having such a hard time. I had forgotten it was the Summer Solstice. I don't know how I forgot. But realized that out of the blue Saturday night had night terrors and shaking began again - which I hadn't had in a long time. Could be related. Always hated this time of year....Ref

Faith · Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:44 am Post subject:

Thank you for the validation that it is not just me. How long is this supposed to last? I had worked hard to kick my eating disorder and lost 11 lbs. I gained 5 back in one week. I feel so out of control. I cannot eat enough or drink enough to ground myself. I even experimented with a new (to me) form of SI, but that only helped a little bit.

It is scaring me how strong this pull is. It feels like I have an enormous amount of pressure squeezing my head. I haven't been in this bad of a place in a long time. I keep hoping that it will be better in the morning, but this has been going on for a couple of weeks without relief.

- Faith
_________________
After the rain, the rainbow.

HiddenOnes · Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:27 pm Post subject:

I thought it was jist us
Health is instable
New treatment slow
Tons of stress
But maybe we aren't as imsane as we felt
No energy
Snapping at many
Just wanting to isolate
Its been a while but worse the last few weeks
Hiddenones