Newbie Hello Post

[Jessica Jones]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading your posts and I thought I would join and introduce myself a little. In my visable everyday life I am the perfectionist, the super organized person. My truth is that maintaining the illusion of perfection is what keeps the demons at bay, and that I use the self hatred and memories of physical and emotional abuse to fuel my motivation. A few months ago a series of events happened that was just too much at once to bear, and my always present nightmares intensified and I began to have panic attacks and flashbacks during the day as well. I simply reached the point where I could no longer pretend that these things didn’t happen or were minor or unimportant. I am getting therapy and I know I will be ok. As much as I am sorry many of the same things have happened to you all if is comforting to know I am not alone, so, thanks for letting me join.

[Jonesy]

Hi Jessica Jones

Glad you found us - welcome to isurvive

[Harmony]

Welcome Jessica Jones,

This is your space to be the real you. We all will listen to you and believe you.

with care,
Harmony

[iwillthrive]

Welcome Jessica Jones. May you find this place full of the love and support you are looking for.

Wishing you peace...iwillthrive

[Jessica Jones]

Thanks you all. It’s weird to me because it actually started out with me having flashbacks of domestic abuse after the ex tracked me down, but later when I was exploring my feelings about that I realized that when that abuse happened it felt normal and ok because of all that happened to me as a child. And it’s weird to think that the world is a place where people are appalled to think of a man who abused me as an adult but are totally nonplused to consider that worse happened when I was a child to the point where the adult abuse felt like respite.

[wolfspirit]

Welcome, Jessica Jones
I just joined a few weeks ago and isurvive has really helped me in my everyday life.
I try to check the forum once a day like when I journal. Kinda keeps me grounded.

We're good listeners and you can share anything. Nothing is judged or analyzed. We are all healing together.

gentle hug,

wolfspirit

[Ashia]

Hi Jessica Jones

Welcome to isurvive.

Your experience doesn't seem weird to me but I agree that some people's attitudes towards abuse can be contradictory. You'll be believed here and you may find others have had similar experiences. I hope you find the support and caring here you are looking for.

Ashia

[L8Bloomer]

Welcome!
Believe me, you aren't alone. You can breathe easy here.

L8Bloomer

[Jessica Jones]

Thanks for your kind replies. One thing that’s hard for me is feeling afraid when there is no logical reason. It hurts my husband’s feelings when I tell him something is making me feel afraid. It makes him feel accused of treating me unkindly. It’s hard for him to understand that sometimes something is just scary to me and the reason exists only in my mind. I find myself making excuses or covering up for the fact that I am afraid because I don’t want to offend him.

[wolfspirit]

Jessica Jones,
My husband is reading, Allies in Healing, and it is helping him understand all of my emotions, behavior, and boundaries.
Just a suggestion.

My T has told me many times (like over and over) that fear is just a signal and it can be calmed through intentional grounding and other exercises that help.
I will get fearful for no reason too, and I learned that a lot of the emotions I'm feeling are "old". They are like little released butterflies coming out of their cocoons because they feel safe enough now.
I become aware of the fear, tell it I accept it, and reassure my self that I am safe now.
It helps me most of the time.
Maybe it can help you?

wolfspirit