Icarus flying on in

[Icarus]

Ok....I think I consider myself an old timer, been here for four years next month and what a rollercoaster I have been on!

I came here when I was on my knees, I'd been in counselling for my past abuse for 9 months and literally felt like my world had come crashing down. I was stuck in a relationship that was also abusive, in the respects of EA and VA. Isurvive gave me a shelter to come to where i could be safe and not bullied or made to feel inadequate. I hit the buffers when my ex banned me from using the laptop and the internet so as a result I disappeared for about 7/8 months. During this time my (then) partner cheated on me with her boss at work, who was a friend of ours, and blamed me for it.....apparently I was controlling, jealous and suffocating so drove her into his arms. It was during this time that my relationship and my state of mind hit rock bottom. My ex was trying to force me to sever contact with my family, I couldnt go out nor could I do anything for myself....she had to control it all and everything was my fault.

***SH trigger***

I knew I had to get out when after yet another day of being put down and bullied I put a knife to my throat with the full intention to cut into my neck. I then began to secretly come back onto isurvive and reach out for support from all here. I was welcomed back with open arms and havent left since......

***triggers end***

I grew for the next 6 months and realised how far I had come when I asked my ex for a divorce and told her she needed to leave my house. It would be 4 months before she finally did but they were some of the worst 4 months we had shared, one's where the PA was threatened and threats to kill me were a weekly occurance. My money was spent for me and she would constantly tell me i was broken because i'd been abused. The day she left was the day I was reborn. These past two years I have grown so much, my confidence has come back, my independence has rocketed and i am being myself. My self esteem is low and my self worth needs lots of work doing on it still but im getting there.

I have had a fantastic support base to assist me to get to this point, and i am continually striving to work towards being free, but if it werent for finding isurvive and having my few fantastic RL friends who helped me, I would not be here today. If I hadnt have taken my life, my ex would have taken it for me. I'm so grateful for putting "abuse survivors" into google way back when I had had enough, I found a home that I could be myself and re-learn how to live and not just exist.

Icarus

[Lydia]

Icarus,

You have grown so much, it is inspiring! We're never fully done, but you have come so far. I'm glad to call you friend.

Lydia

[Truth teller]

Dear Icarus
You have earned your wings and are flying free. So pleased for you, life was meant to be enjoyed. You have proved that with your story. So glad you stayed with us at isurvive for the journey.

This site is so much more than just a post your pain and flee into the covers with the blinds drawn. It is more than pretend rainbows and happy dreams. It is a place to prove to ourselves that there are others like us. It is a place to show how we are gaining back the life. The life we were meant to live despite the past and the pain.

Freedom is ours now and for our future Iccy,
Truth teller

[Starshaped]

hey Icarus,

your story is indeed inspiring. I have known you on here for the best part of three years, but got to know you better over the last 14 months, and I know from this time with you what a wonderful and whole human being you are. you give me hope.

Star xx

[Silent]

Icuras,

It made me really sad to hear how badly your ex treated you and how desperate you were. She sounds very unwell. I am so glad you resisted doing what you were thinking of doing.
You have obviously come a very long way and credit to you!

And it seems Isurvive has played an important role for you. Don't forget how powerful it is as at the end of the day you had to reach out to get the support you now have.
Onwards and upwards.

[smallgraces]

Icarus,
Your healing journey has been a powerful one. It sounds like you had hit rock bottom with the abuse you had suffered. And yet you were able to dig up out of that pain and hold onto isurvive and find out what an incredibly wonderful person you truely are.

smallgraces

[Lego]

Yay!
Bravo!
Good for you!
Very good to read!

Best,
Lego

[birdygirl]

Hey Iccy- I'm so sorry you were mistreated . You did not deserve that.
I'm proud of you for all the kind things you do for me & the others here.
You are truly a kind soul. I'm so happy to know you. The world is a better place with an Icarus in it. Smile.
(((Much love & lil pug hugs)))
- birdy