The Care and Feeding of Your Little Boy

[1000miles]

Lately I've been working through remembering the neglect and abuse in my childhood. I thought it might be nice to turn it around and state it as a set of positive principles--things my parents should have done, as opposed to what they did do. This is what I'd like to say to my parents if I could send a document back for them to read on the day I was born.

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Congratulations on the arrival of your little boy. He is a little miracle.

Your little boy will require a lot of help and attention. You may find yourself daunted by the task of taking care of him. Don't worry. He has been specially designed to help you with this task. In many cases he can communicate to you what he needs. All you need to do is pay careful attention.

Here are some helpful tips to get you started. With these basic guidelines, along with a lot of love and some hard work, your little boy will soon grow and thrive. You will find that in the long run he will repay you many times over for the effort you invest in caring for him.

Your little boy is absolutely unique. There is no other boy like him, there never has been, and there never will be. It's essential that you get to know him right away. But you will find that this is easy, because he wants to help you to know him. Do not compare him to yourself at his age. Do not compare him to other little boys. He is himself.

Little boys cry when they are unhappy. This is normal. Please do not be alarmed when your little boy cries. This is his way of telling you he needs something. Simply find out what he needs and provide it for him.

Until he learns to talk, you will have to figure it out yourself. If it's been a while since he ate, offer him food. If he's hungry, he'll take it and stop crying. Or maybe he's thirsty. Offer him water, and see if he wants that. Or perhaps he needs his diaper changed. Or maybe his tummy hurts. Or maybe he just needs love and attention. If you cannot determine what your little boy needs, consult a pediatrician right away.

After your little boy learns to talk, he will often tell you what he needs.

When your little boy is sleepy, tuck him snugly into bed, make sure he feels comfortable and safe and secure, and give him a goodnight kiss. If he still has trouble falling asleep, calm and sooth him. Try gently rubbing his back or caressing his forehead. Ask him what helps him to go to sleep. He will tell you.

When your little boy is hungry, make sure you provide him with healthy food. He will eat as much as he needs. If he doesn't need food, he won't eat it. If he needs more, he'll tell you. Learn what healthy foods he likes, and provide those. Remember, he may dislike some of the foods you like, and he may like foods that you dislike. With a little creativity, you will find that it is not very difficult to provide him with good food that he likes.

When your little boy is thirsty, give him water to drink, or juice, or some other healthy beverage. He will tell you what he likes best.

Your job is to make sure his food and drinks are healthy for his growing body. If you aren't sure, consult a book on nutrition, or your pediatrician. Remember that a little boy's body needs a different balance of nutrition from an adult's body.

You must keep your little boy safe from harm at all times. He does not know what can hurt him, so you must be there to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Do not assume that telling your little boy that something is dangerous is enough to keep him safe. He is not yet old enough to be relied on to protect himself. He needs you to protect him.

Your little boy also needs to feel safe at all times. If you make it a point to listen to him, he will tell you when he feels scared. Your job is to soothe his fears and comfort him. Provide physical reassurance by holding him. Tell him that you will not let anything or anyone hurt him. If you ask, he will tell you what helps him to feel better.

Under no circumstances should your little boy ever feel afraid of you. This is very harmful.

Remember that you must protect your little boy from all kinds of harm, not just from being physically hurt. You must protect him from being emotionally hurt. You must protect him from being traumatized by fear, or by sexual abuse. You must protect him not only from things in his environment, but also from people who could hurt him, whether they be adults or children. Never forget that you are the only safety your little boy has. He cannot keep himself safe. He is totally dependent on you.

Your little boy needs your love, and he needs to have your love expressed to him regularly. Tell your little boy you love him. Tell him you love him more than anything in the world. Spend time with him. Play with him. Hug him. Kiss him. Smile at him. Show him that he delights you. He will work very hard to please you. Make sure you show him how much you appreciate his efforts, and how much he does please you.

Your love for your little boy must be genuine. But don't worry. He is specially designed to be as loveable as possible. All you need to do is get to know him, nurture him, and spend time with him, and you will find yourself loving him without any effort at all.

As your little boy grows, he will need discipline. This can be accomplished without hitting him. As you get to know your little boy, you will learn what toys and activities he particularly likes. When it's necessary to punish your little boy, you can withhold something he likes for a while, as long as it's not something he also needs. Do not withhold things your little boy likes for too long or you will make him unhappy about his life, and then he will develop behavior problems. Always remember to reward your little boy when he behaves well. This is the best kind of discipline.

Never punish your little boy by making him feel afraid. Your job is to make your little boy feel as safe and secure as possible at all times, especially when he is being punished.

Never punish your little boy by humiliating him. Your job is to make your little boy feel as loved and wanted as possible at all times, especially when he is being punished.

All little boys misbehave. Do not try to make your little boy feel ashamed. Remember that he wants please you, but if he feels unable to please you, he will stop trying.

Do not expect your little boy to behave like an adult or an older boy.

Never punish your little boy for a mistake. Mistakes are not misbehavior. On the other hand, do reward your little boy for his special accomplishments as he learns to control and care for himself.

Never punish your little boy for causing you inconvenience. It is never your little boy's responsibility to be convenient.

Under no circumstances should you ever punish your little boy for crying. When your little boy needs to cry, you must let him cry. If his crying is disruptive, remove him to some safe and quiet place where he can cry until he is finished.

Your little boy also needs to have friends his own age, both boys and girls. With minimal help and support, he will make his own friends. All you need to do is ensure that he feels safe, ensure that he feels loved, provide him with social opportunities, and be there to guide and protect him.

Do not permit other children or adults to humiliate your little boy under any circumstances. If they try to do so, stand up for your little boy. Normally he will trust you more than he trusts them.

If your little boy has difficulty interacting with other children, gently teach him what he needs to know. Remember that social problems may make him feel insecure. Be sure you teach him in a positive and upbeat way.

Provide opportunities for your little boy to interact with other children in a safe environment, such as in your home, where he will feel secure.

Make sure you provide a socially acceptable home for your little boy to grow up in--a home he can feel comfortable inviting his friends to.

Your little boy will not at first know how to wash, dress, and groom himself. In any social situation, always make sure he is clean, appropriately dressed, and appropriately groomed. Other children will tend to stigmatize him if you don't get this right, and this will harm him. As he grows more capable of taking care of himself, you must continue to monitor and coach him to protect him from being stigmatized. Do this until you are certain he is up to the task, and then revisit it in adolescence, when he will need additional coaching. But remember that as he gets older, he'll want to do it for himself. You can keep an eye on him without intruding unnecessarily.

Your little boy needs to feel that you are an adult, and that you are in control, ready to protect him and help him. A little boy cannot nurture an adult. Do not expect your little boy to nurture you. Your little boy cannot take over the job of caring for himself when you feel overwhelmed. When that happens, find another trusted adult to help.

Under no circumstances should your little boy ever be without a trusted adult who is ready and able to nurture and protect him. Your little boy will eventually grow to the point where he no longer needs constant supervision. But he must still never find himself in the position of not having a trusted adult available to help immediately if the need arises.

If you keep your little boy safe and secure, provide for his physical, emotional, and social needs, and teach him and discipline him gently and lovingly, he will grow into a healthy and competent young man. Your reward will be all the joys of loving and raising a child, and the satisfaction of seeing him off into adult life. And as a bonus, you may end up with grandchildren.

[Jonesy]

Hi 1000miles

Leaving you a hug, if ok. Your words strike a chord with me

[1000miles]

Thanks, Jonesy. A hug is good.

[earthhorse]

This is so beautiful! Thank you!