My sister and her boys

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

Moderators: Jonesy, Ashia

BrokenButterflyWings
Member
Posts: 327
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:21 am

My sister and her boys

Post by BrokenButterflyWings » Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:14 pm

As my sisters sister, I am struggling to report her and take her children from her. As my nephew's aunt, I am very angry with her and want to give a safe home to the boys. I don't want to hurt her, but she's a grown woman now and there is NO excuse! I have reported the abuse, and will be trying to get temporary custody for the time being, but I'm worried also for my sister...because she's my sister..having a hard time with this...

recover
Member
Posts: 16157
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by recover » Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:45 am

hi bbfw,
this sounds like such a difficult difficult situation.
i agree with your decision, the children need protection.
here caring and supporting you.
recover

pinecone
Member
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2014 11:44 pm

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by pinecone » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:18 am

I am sorry that you are in this position.

As a survivor, I can't help but think that we have a duty to protect the children.

Thank you,

silentlistener
Member
Posts: 3168
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:37 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by silentlistener » Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:28 am

Hi BBW,

I would say the willingness factor is really important in determining how the relationshp goes.
The children come first and your relationship with her can be repaired later.
They will always remember someone tried whether or not you do get temporary custody.

Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 10565
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by Jonesy » Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:37 am

Hi BrokenButterflyWings

This is the 2nd post I have read from you today where I can once again call you courageous.
I am very proud of you for having the inner strength to report this situation on behalf of your nephews - things may tumble out with your control for a while but something tells me you are going to stand tall for those boys.
Always at the end of an email if you wish to get in touch.
You are important
Email: jonesy@hush.com

BrokenButterflyWings
Member
Posts: 327
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:21 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by BrokenButterflyWings » Fri Jan 16, 2015 4:16 pm

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. You have no idea how much it means. It's hard because she recently just accepted me back into her life on sister terms..I didn't even know her youngest existed until this past October, and he is almost 2, the oldest is 5. But I have decided, that, knowing myself very well, she has a choice just as much as I do. She uses excuses and lies, just like our birth-mother. I won't do it. I won't stand for this. What my grown-arse woman of a sister thinks of me is her problem, and not mine. Those boys are my concern. I have decided as well to get into contact with my own former C.A.S worker. I emailed her pictures of the boys bruises and the dogs huge gash from a shovel, as well as our entire conversation over the past few months to help with the investigation. I know in our family, the abuse was so secret even the C.A.S couldn't believe. But I've called my old worker out on it, and she is now listening to me. I am also being upfront with her about my own difficulties and metal health, and have let her know that I am doing as much research I can on fostering abused children, and families and such so that whatever the plan is, my home or not, I can play an active, healthy and educated role in the boys lives and healing as well as that of their parents and the family in general. I really do trust my old worker, and have let her know that I trust her and her experience. I have also made it very clear that I am well aware of the mistakes C.A.S can make in placing children and that I will do whatever it takes to protect these boys and give them the chance they deserve...My whole world just went kaplooey. But seriously, my life should be in a movie. :/

and Jonesy, I may take you up on that offer within the next couple of days lol :) Thanks again for being so awesome everyone. This girl just became an adult over the last few days I think..crazy what kids can do to you when you fear for them eh?

the husband
Member
Posts: 411
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by the husband » Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:08 pm

BrokenButterflyWings:

I'm getting in late on the proceedings here, but I wanted to add my voice to the support and kudos that others have already expressed.

Children come first. Always.

As for your sister, I will offer a realization that I had about my wife's father (enabler and "King of Denial"): We were once very concerned about the loss of her relationship with her father, and then we realized: he was her father in name only! He never behaved as her father, and really only showed interest when my wife was an adult/companion/potential caregiver. She wasn't losing him as a father, because he never was one. He wasn't particularly interested in a grandfather role except playing the part at holidays. Our kids never lost a grandfather, because he never was one. I wonder if perhaps you aren't losing a sister after all?

BrokenButterflyWings
Member
Posts: 327
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:21 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by BrokenButterflyWings » Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:17 pm

Hi Husband. Thanks for your reply and encouragement. I'm not so much concerned about losing a sister as disappointed in a lost imagined hoped. I worry more for the loss of children to a mother and the loss of parents to children. Especially a father of boys. It angers me, and it breaks my heart to no end.

silentlistener
Member
Posts: 3168
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:37 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by silentlistener » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:36 pm

Hi BBFW,

These children are the most important priority. I'm glad you are believed now.
Here with you no matter how this works out.

the husband
Member
Posts: 411
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: My sister and her boys

Post by the husband » Sat Jan 17, 2015 7:49 am

I'm not so much concerned about losing a sister as disappointed in a lost imagined hoped.
Yes, that's how I feel exactly.

If everyone made children the priority in such situations, there would be a lot less suffering in the world.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest