Loved ones in other forums?

A discussion area for anyone who loves a survivor and needs some support of their own.

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the husband
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Loved ones in other forums?

Post by the husband » Wed Jul 16, 2014 12:49 am

This might be controversial, but since it's just me representing the Loved Ones right now there really isn't much threat of hurt feelings:

I do read the other forums at times, just trying to understand things from my wife's point of view. I know some survivors have come to this forum looking for the same thing, which I think is good.

While merely reading does no harm in the other forums, I have long wondered if having a Loved One post there is problematic. It could be coincidence or my imagination, but it is my perception that threads have withered upon my posting to them. I am curious if there is sometimes a perceived loss of safety or privacy that we (I) should keep in mind?

Jonesy
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by Jonesy » Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:18 pm

Hi the husband

I have just seen your posts in the Relationships Forum and was pleased to see your voice there. I think it's very helpful and actually healthy to hear from 'the other side' (so to speak). A different perspective can definitely lead to deeper thinking and more critical self-evaluation.
You are important
Email: jonesy@hush.com

the husband
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by the husband » Wed Jul 23, 2014 6:40 am

Thanks Jonesy.

I'm trying to keep perspective. As you can see, the Relationship forum posts I made earlier are the last in each thread. It could well be a coincidence.

recover
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by recover » Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:41 pm

hi the husband,
i am happy to see your posts and it is not a problem for you to post anywhere as far as i am concerned.
take care,
recover

ajei
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by ajei » Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:44 am

Hi the husband...

I've always found your posts have have helped to balance things out and another perspective is always useful for me.

ajei

the husband
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by the husband » Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:29 am

Thanks all!

I'll keep doing what I'm doing, but I'll remain open to feedback.

mustard seed
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by mustard seed » Tue Jan 06, 2015 3:20 am

Husband,
I very much look forward to your point of view. I find your posts validating, informative, truthful and helpful.
(funny I thought the same thing of your thread as my post to you is the last, wondered if I offended you, please let me know).

Also when I see a post from you to another I feel so much relief. I think, thank God the Husband responded to that. Your wisdom and experience along with your compassion and plain speech make your posts very valuable to me. I always learn something. Thank you for that.
Much respect and warm regards,
ms

ps sometimes people need time to digest, I know I do at times and won't revisit until I have done some thinking. Could be a contributing factor in fizzling out :)

the husband
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Posts: 411
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by the husband » Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:51 pm

Hi mustard seed

I'm very difficult to offend. You would have to really work at it to convince me that this was your intent, and then I might choose not to be offended anyway. I used to work in a setting where people were acting out at me all the time, so I developed a thick skin and an emotional buffer.

Thanks for your kind words. You may be right that people take time to digest. Sometimes I think I may have just come in late on a thread that is losing steam. I think there may be some people who don't feel entirely safe when I post, so I try to be respectful and just leave it alone.

mustard seed
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Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by mustard seed » Tue Jan 06, 2015 10:17 pm

Thank you Husband,
Does thick skin come off? Only because I could use some if it's share-able. :lol:

Can you comment on my thread 46 and never been kissed? I would be interested in your feedback.
I appreciate your insight and I'm trying to figure out what's really going on.
Many thanks and much respect,
ms

the husband
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Posts: 411
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am

Re: Loved ones in other forums?

Post by the husband » Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:19 am

The thick skin is an illusion = it's really just an understanding that if somebody is truly saying something hurtful - it really isn't about me but about how they feel about themselves. They try to bring me down when they feel low, hurt me when they are hurt, and so on. Sometimes people have no intention of hurting me - and the perception that they are is really about me.

i responded in your thread, hope it is useful.
Last edited by Aspen on Sat Jan 31, 2015 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT

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