Struggling with False Memory Accusations

[Malitaa]

I am sure this topic has been discussed to the ninth but I am not good at searches on these forums that actually get me to prior threads. I tried, but could not find what I am seeking.

I am really struggling with the idea that my survivor, who has VERY detailed memory and descriptions of her experiences, is considered in that category of many SRA survivors that the memories are false or have been planted by therapists etc. Apparently there is a real set of people/therapists who maybe have created this problem and repressed memories being suggested, and the argument is, if SRA is real, where are the missing children and dead bodies and so on.

BUT....the survivors I know HAVE the scars of the wounds they describe receiving, often at the specific age and event it happened, and the hospital visits that ensued etc. They describe only one or two sacrafices of animals or children happening occasionally in ceremonies throughout the year (not the hundreds that SRA deniers say victims report)

Their memories are not repressed and later brought out through therapy, these are events they described/reported in detail as soon as they got OUT of the abusive home and GOT to go to a therapist, not something the therapist suggested.

We have the drawings and artwork she did AS A CHILD depicting events and specific types of abuse and tools and scenarios, that NO 5 or 6 year child could possibly know about, or 8 year old or 10 year old....drawings that cover nearly two decades of life. NOT drawings that were done in therapy, as no therapy was permitted by her crazy family, who until they made a mistake during her teen years and hurt her so bad the hospital finally recognised it as clear cut abuse not an accident, and she was pulled from the home and put in foster care, but drawings done in her basement prison during her childhood.

And she has 4 siblings younger than her who corroborate the same stories and events, even though the family never speaks to each other since she was pulled from the home 20 years ago now.

I have even seen where some researchers suggest that BOOKS people are recommended to read to help survivors is causing them to have false memories of SRA.

Basically, I am sickened and saddened that society basically denies any reality of SRA.

I am SOOO confused! Has the possible false memory created in SOME therapy (and no doubt that happens) caused people to write off ALL victims of legitimate SRA?

I just don't understand!

If the SRA is not real, where in the heck did she get the images to draw pictures of rituals as a YOUNG CHILD! Where did she get these ubelievable scars and brands. and in the locations they are? What withdrawn, suicidal teenager even, who to that point had not been in therapy, locked most of the time in a basement prison unless in school during the day, could make up all this stuff out of the blue to the point that it sounds real, but society and even professionals consider it somehow false memory? REALLY!!!!!!!

Why does her living abuser and relatives not deny these things ever happened if they are not real? Why don't THEY claim she made it all up? Why do they try to apologise and continue to want her to have contact with them? Wouldnt they be the first ones to say "oh, those things never happened, she has false memories" etc.

And if you mention SRA to mental health professionals....MANY of them want nothing to do with you....most seem to not have much training in the chronic PTSD issues and fallout of it, but many seem to be so disbelieving or trained that there is no such thing....help!

[the husband]

I'm so sorry you are having this experience.

The promotion of False Memory Syndrome has been very damaging. I'm sure it is true that some people in history have made things up, are mentally ill, or misconstrued something, but we KNOW empirically that many people have actually experienced these events. Secrecy, victimization as children who are cognitively undeveloped, manipulation, failure to corroborate or false corroboration all are real tactics that abusers use. My wife still doubts her experiences, though it is clear that many of the things happened. Stories in the media make it sound like False Memory Syndrome has been fully legitimized. It hasn't been. People glom onto this as a way to discredit accusers, deny that there are human monsters among us, and to keep women down. I think that most people can't conceive of the evil that exists just a few yards away from their own homes - and don't want to. How many rapes are reported? Now how many stories of victims who recent their stories (and how many actually were victims despite recanting?)? Which ones stick in your mind compared to the number of reports for each? The average person recalls the unusual story of the victim recanting.

[Malitaa]

So true. I guess it just seems surreal that in this time, so much denial of the evil happening to people can still go on. But humans are just a blip on the scale of time and perhaps one of our adaptations is to pretend those things don't happen on the scale they do. We have a long way to go......in the mean time, our survivors just deserve some peace, inside and out, and both seem difficult to attain with the rest of the world not simply judging, but trying to ignore the reality. It seems we have not yet arrived to a place for the capacity to really conceive of the horrors bestowed on some by our own kind, and to try and think on it is too painful....or perhaps we are afraid we have to face what we are capable of.

I dunno, and we can spend a lot of time philosophising it, but my survivor just wants to get on with life, this newer and stranger life without all the horrid abuse happening, and the outside world just works against and against and against. It is great that some of us can provide the support and encouragement, but this does not feel like something we can do alone either.

I can't believe my survivor is still alive....I am overwhelmed with gratitude for that.

Now I have to be okay about the road she faces as she bravely plows ahead...we work in the animal care field. We are consumed with their welfare and quality of life. So it is a paradox for me to see that I can work to ensure a good quality of life for an animal, but really can't ensure that for individuals of my own species. I have to work hard at not being heartbroken at that......

[the husband]

I think we should continue to marginalize those who would make blanket statements denying abuse. There are cretins and fools in every walk of life. We don't have to give them power over us simply because they have a title.

A lot of us, survivors and loved ones (who I am becoming convinced are also survivors in their own right), find ourselves in the helping fields. There's a desire to make things right in the world, and it's so much easier to focus on others.

[tommy]

Malitaa,

It is a tragedy that more harm is done to survivors when their experiences and abuses are discounted or rejected by those who are supposedly trained or are at least in the business of providing assistance to abuse survivors.

I appreciate, as the husband has pointed out, that you and your survivor choose to give in this world. You make positive choices to improve your world and your lives. In the same way, you make the choice to seek out healing and not more damage for you and your survivor. Those that reject your survivors experiences with false memory accusations, can only bring harm and not the healing that is sought.

I join you in your frustration at the damage and in the confusion that these accusations can be made against survivors of SRA. Thank you for your open sharing and for the care you have for your survivor.