Hi,
I hope this is the appropriate place for this post. If not, could one of the Moderators please move it? My oldest sister just called me to say that my mom called her concerned about my sister telling lies about being an FBI agent and now a medical doctor at church on Sunday. I have explained in some of my posts how my relationship with my middle sister had to be pulled back and boundaries placed, so I know that she is deteriorating. I just wondered if anyone has any experience with a loved one who does this. What does one do with something like this? She lies to me too and I am tired of trying to argue with someone who truly believes they are carrying "service revolvers" or testifying in court for forensic experts. I have found out she has lied to me about her job and I am afraid to know what else. She has always had trouble with the truth, but I just chalked it up to our abuse because I felt sorry for her. Now I am thinking it is our abuse, and also something else more mental health driven. I know she is depressed and has really low self-esteem which she medicates with Z and anxiety meds. I also think she has been SU in the past. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
AbuseWarrior
Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
Moderators: Aspen, Jonesy, Harbor
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abusewarrior
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the husband
- Member
- Posts: 529
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
Hi abusewarrior
Abuse can always be a factor, but what you describe truly sounds like Delusions of Grandeur. Does she ever adopt a role that is not grandiose? You also mention depression. A pretty decent armchair diagnosis would be bipolar disorder (see below). If this is the case, she isn't exactly lying to you - she may beleive what she's saying. People go for years without being properly diagnosed, because the symptoms can have a late and gradual onset. If she does have bipolar disorder, she should have a doctor who is very familiar with psychiatric medications work with her. In my part of the world that would be a psychiatrist. A family doctor,OB GYN, or other professional would not be adequate. Some anti-anxiety medications can exacerbate mania in a very unpleasant way.
Bipolar disorder, also known as Manic Depression
I bagged this from the NIHM site:
Manic State:
A long period of feeling "high," or an overly happy or outgoing mood
Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling "jumpy" or "wired."
Behavioral Changes
Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts
Being easily distracted
Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects
Being restless
Sleeping little
Having an unrealistic belief in one's abilities
Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable,
high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.
Depressive State:
A long period of feeling worried or empty
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex.
Behavioral Changes
Feeling tired or "slowed down"
Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions
Being restless or irritable
Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits
Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide
Abuse can always be a factor, but what you describe truly sounds like Delusions of Grandeur. Does she ever adopt a role that is not grandiose? You also mention depression. A pretty decent armchair diagnosis would be bipolar disorder (see below). If this is the case, she isn't exactly lying to you - she may beleive what she's saying. People go for years without being properly diagnosed, because the symptoms can have a late and gradual onset. If she does have bipolar disorder, she should have a doctor who is very familiar with psychiatric medications work with her. In my part of the world that would be a psychiatrist. A family doctor,OB GYN, or other professional would not be adequate. Some anti-anxiety medications can exacerbate mania in a very unpleasant way.
Bipolar disorder, also known as Manic Depression
I bagged this from the NIHM site:
Manic State:
A long period of feeling "high," or an overly happy or outgoing mood
Extremely irritable mood, agitation, feeling "jumpy" or "wired."
Behavioral Changes
Talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another, having racing thoughts
Being easily distracted
Increasing goal-directed activities, such as taking on new projects
Being restless
Sleeping little
Having an unrealistic belief in one's abilities
Behaving impulsively and taking part in a lot of pleasurable,
high-risk behaviors, such as spending sprees, impulsive sex, and impulsive business investments.
Depressive State:
A long period of feeling worried or empty
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, including sex.
Behavioral Changes
Feeling tired or "slowed down"
Having problems concentrating, remembering, and making decisions
Being restless or irritable
Changing eating, sleeping, or other habits
Thinking of death or suicide, or attempting suicide
Last edited by Aspen on Sun Oct 21, 2012 4:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: changed MT to NT per guidelines - no worries!
Reason: changed MT to NT per guidelines - no worries!
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Silent
- Member
- Posts: 2111
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:29 pm
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
Oh I am sorry AW. That must be very concerning.
The first thought is whether it is a true delusion such as in schizophrenia or that that those with bi polar get or whether it is more along the lines of one of the fictitious disorders. Essentially Pseudologia fantastica. Just know about them a little as I keep thinking I have one and that I am making up needing to be on here.
The trouble is that getting her to treatment may well be tricky as is likely to lie. Do you think she would agree to seeing a psychiatrist with one of you?
Hopefully someone will have personal experience or more knowledge.
(((AW)))
The first thought is whether it is a true delusion such as in schizophrenia or that that those with bi polar get or whether it is more along the lines of one of the fictitious disorders. Essentially Pseudologia fantastica. Just know about them a little as I keep thinking I have one and that I am making up needing to be on here.
The trouble is that getting her to treatment may well be tricky as is likely to lie. Do you think she would agree to seeing a psychiatrist with one of you?
Hopefully someone will have personal experience or more knowledge.
(((AW)))
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abusewarrior
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
the husband:
Thanks for that list. Yes, I can definitely see some of these in her behavior. The bi-polar disorder (along with schitzophrenia) are two of the most common diagnoses to come from extensive Grandiose Delusions or Psuedologia which Silent mentioned. This is very hard for me to write because my mother who was my main abuser was definitely bi-polar. I just said last Christmas that my sister was reminding me more and more of my mother. The feelings of high followed by jumpy and wired are definitely her traits. She often hates where she is and wants to be going, going, going. She also has been really loud and obnoxious times 10 lately. She bosses everyone around and then comments on how everyone thinks she is bossy. Do you have any ideas on why she would be so loud? Your information has given me much to think about.
Thanks again,
AW
Silent:
Thank you for your concern. I have tried and tried to get her to treatment over the years, but she did a short stint with a T in the 90's whom she apparently heard things she didn't like about herself and she won't go again, thinking she has been "cured." When I was enjoying my therapy so much, she commented I needed it because of my binge drinking, but apparently her issues were not as serious...issues like ED's, hypochondria (she has a pill case that is bigger than my toiletries bag,) delusions of grandeur, and prescription pill popping. Also, this is the sister who has heart problems and medical problems out the wazoo. We are only two years apart yet people think she is my mom when we go out because she lives really hard with obesity and stress. While most of her problems medically are "hypochondria," some are quite real and I worry about her health in general. I have tried to speak of all of this with her as we used to be really close, but she will agree and then do nothing about it.
My eldest sister is a nurse and she would like to do an intervention. However, I see this as problematic as my middle sister is very competetive with my eldest sister and always comments on how she sees her as being unworthy. I am not sure at this time this would be the best thing given her heart problems. She had a stroke not too long ago and a mild heart attack.
Thanks for the support,
AW
Thanks for that list. Yes, I can definitely see some of these in her behavior. The bi-polar disorder (along with schitzophrenia) are two of the most common diagnoses to come from extensive Grandiose Delusions or Psuedologia which Silent mentioned. This is very hard for me to write because my mother who was my main abuser was definitely bi-polar. I just said last Christmas that my sister was reminding me more and more of my mother. The feelings of high followed by jumpy and wired are definitely her traits. She often hates where she is and wants to be going, going, going. She also has been really loud and obnoxious times 10 lately. She bosses everyone around and then comments on how everyone thinks she is bossy. Do you have any ideas on why she would be so loud? Your information has given me much to think about.
Thanks again,
AW
Silent:
Thank you for your concern. I have tried and tried to get her to treatment over the years, but she did a short stint with a T in the 90's whom she apparently heard things she didn't like about herself and she won't go again, thinking she has been "cured." When I was enjoying my therapy so much, she commented I needed it because of my binge drinking, but apparently her issues were not as serious...issues like ED's, hypochondria (she has a pill case that is bigger than my toiletries bag,) delusions of grandeur, and prescription pill popping. Also, this is the sister who has heart problems and medical problems out the wazoo. We are only two years apart yet people think she is my mom when we go out because she lives really hard with obesity and stress. While most of her problems medically are "hypochondria," some are quite real and I worry about her health in general. I have tried to speak of all of this with her as we used to be really close, but she will agree and then do nothing about it.
My eldest sister is a nurse and she would like to do an intervention. However, I see this as problematic as my middle sister is very competetive with my eldest sister and always comments on how she sees her as being unworthy. I am not sure at this time this would be the best thing given her heart problems. She had a stroke not too long ago and a mild heart attack.
Thanks for the support,
AW
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lonelylife
- Member
- Posts: 1199
- Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:52 pm
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
Hi aw,
This has got to be tough. I don't know a diagnosis but her losing that much touch with reality does sound frightening. Having suffered abuse can do such horrible things to people. I don't know much about this area but maybe indeed an intervention or some kind of mandatory hold could at least get her evaluated? It just sounds devastating to hear and I know it must be very upsetting for you. Thinking of you.
This has got to be tough. I don't know a diagnosis but her losing that much touch with reality does sound frightening. Having suffered abuse can do such horrible things to people. I don't know much about this area but maybe indeed an intervention or some kind of mandatory hold could at least get her evaluated? It just sounds devastating to hear and I know it must be very upsetting for you. Thinking of you.
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abusewarrior
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
lonelylife:
Thanks so much for your words of kindness and support. We both have gone through so much with my sister and your niece. It is very traumatic to know that my sister may be very mentally ill. With knowledge of my mother's bi-polar disorder, I am almost sure that she is because she is starting to show signs of the same behaviors.
your old friend,
AbuseWarrior
Thanks so much for your words of kindness and support. We both have gone through so much with my sister and your niece. It is very traumatic to know that my sister may be very mentally ill. With knowledge of my mother's bi-polar disorder, I am almost sure that she is because she is starting to show signs of the same behaviors.
your old friend,
AbuseWarrior
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Silent
- Member
- Posts: 2111
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:29 pm
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
AW,
Grief. That sounds really hard and concerning on so many levels. The health issues and sensitivities just compound the situation.
Your sister is obviously in big trouble and yet finding a way to deal with it sounds tricky.
I can also understand and relate to how disturbing it is when a sibling one loves displays behaviour that reminds one of someone else and the past.
I too am presently feeling very saddened and concerned about my sister. At least she is now able to see she needs help though and that makes all the difference.
Could you somehow wrap up the suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation as a way to safeguard her physical health?
I do this with my H with some small success as he is also a hypochondriac although a mild one.
It does also sound like it is probably a proper delusion and therefore not a lie at all. If you think it is most likely bipolar then I am sure there are many on here who would be able to give personal perspectives. I have heard it is very painful if untreated.
Sending you much support while you figure this out.
Grief. That sounds really hard and concerning on so many levels. The health issues and sensitivities just compound the situation.
Your sister is obviously in big trouble and yet finding a way to deal with it sounds tricky.
I can also understand and relate to how disturbing it is when a sibling one loves displays behaviour that reminds one of someone else and the past.
I too am presently feeling very saddened and concerned about my sister. At least she is now able to see she needs help though and that makes all the difference.
Could you somehow wrap up the suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist for an evaluation as a way to safeguard her physical health?
I do this with my H with some small success as he is also a hypochondriac although a mild one.
It does also sound like it is probably a proper delusion and therefore not a lie at all. If you think it is most likely bipolar then I am sure there are many on here who would be able to give personal perspectives. I have heard it is very painful if untreated.
Sending you much support while you figure this out.
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abusewarrior
Re: Delusions of Grandeur...my poor sister
Hi Silent:
Update- We did have a conversation and she was very adament that she is okay. She tried to make me then believe that she had went to a T and a PDoc for help...which I know were fabrications since she was just telling me this to get me to stop trying to help her. I cannot help a person if they do not want to be treated. No matter her situation, it is her situation. Unfortunately, with her behavioral problems and now her lies directly to me, I am going to have to set stricter boundaries to self-protect.I am already setting safe practices in place and pulling back from the close relationship we used to have. It is sad, but there are no other alternatives without her compliance. I am reconciled to the new changes and am trying very hard to be pro-AW right now instead of trying to save her. My family and H has often said that she would have been a train wreck, if not for me, over the years. I think I felt the pressure to keep trying to keep her on track, but it is becoming unmanageable.
Lies are very destructive and trigger me as my FOO has always lied to keep up appearances. This just isn't healthy. Thanks for your support. I am sorry to read about your sister too. I am really learning that change has to be something someone values and desires. I can only control my reaction to this information about her, and take care of my own feelings and my own life. It isn't selfish to want to be healthy and happy, sans all the drama.
Thanks,
AW
Update- We did have a conversation and she was very adament that she is okay. She tried to make me then believe that she had went to a T and a PDoc for help...which I know were fabrications since she was just telling me this to get me to stop trying to help her. I cannot help a person if they do not want to be treated. No matter her situation, it is her situation. Unfortunately, with her behavioral problems and now her lies directly to me, I am going to have to set stricter boundaries to self-protect.I am already setting safe practices in place and pulling back from the close relationship we used to have. It is sad, but there are no other alternatives without her compliance. I am reconciled to the new changes and am trying very hard to be pro-AW right now instead of trying to save her. My family and H has often said that she would have been a train wreck, if not for me, over the years. I think I felt the pressure to keep trying to keep her on track, but it is becoming unmanageable.
Lies are very destructive and trigger me as my FOO has always lied to keep up appearances. This just isn't healthy. Thanks for your support. I am sorry to read about your sister too. I am really learning that change has to be something someone values and desires. I can only control my reaction to this information about her, and take care of my own feelings and my own life. It isn't selfish to want to be healthy and happy, sans all the drama.
Thanks,
AW