Any tips for telling your parents about your abuse?

[kazine]

My boyfriend is thinking of telling his parents about the very severe abuse he experienced as a child by a family member. Any tips you could give that I can pass onto him to get him through this difficult situation would be very much appreciated.

Kaz x

[Yochana]

Obviously I have no idea what his parents are like, and I would like to be able to say that everything will be ok if he tells them, but one thing I would say from my experience (not with parents since my parents were abusers, but from when I told other family members) is to be prepared for it not to go the way you hope. I'm not saying it won't and I really hope that they'll be supportive and will believe him... but I would advise caution. It's a big step and it's hard to know how they'll respond.

It's good he has you to support him, and I would say to you please be there for him because it can be devastating if it isn't received well. I hope that won't happen but I guess that's something I would suggest for this situation because it can be really really hard.

Yochana

[amalivo6]

how it goes depends on a few things,

what sort of relationship he has with his parents?

how old his parents are?

how the sa related to them?

how close they are to the sa?



thay might start with------


that not funny

why are you saying that

you mast of made a mastake

he/she woun't do a thing like that

you got confuse

i don't want to here any more

get out




be in shock------

act lick you never told them, talk about the weather anything that comes in there head, keep doing this every time you want to metion it

not say anything

get up and walk out of the room

say ( i'll just put the kettle on)

get up walk around the room picking things up put them down again while muttering not make sence



angry___

say ( why didn't you tell us at the time)

say ( i don't beleave you, ? woudn't do that

say ( i dn't beleave it ) meaning thay beleave you but can't take it in

swearing at you

shotting at you

perants blaming each other

swearing about sa

shotting about sa

saying ( i always new there was something about?

blaming there self

blaming each other


what thay do----



braking down crying out of control

crying quitely

wanting to call the polece

wanting to go and beat the person up




this is just a ruff giude just be perparde for anything.

it be a good idea if he works out what he want after he tells them befor he tells them.
eg.. tell the police, nothing at all, let all the family know, specaily one with kids, go to ? house.


i hope this give you some idea's helps in some way. (((kat & boyfriend))) hope ok, good luck

[Space-Ghost]

I would say reherse what you will say. If he has a therapist, he should ask them to guide him through it. Go over the details, be prepared to back up anything you can with proof. I confronted my folks about things they did to us. I had instances in mind, things we all knew that no one could despute except by denial of reality. Then I had to accept that they denied it and it's consequences, they wanted nothing to do with me. He also needs to get his bravery up. As others have said, it may most likely go sour. Don't go into this for acceptance from anyone but go into this looking to save yourself. Those that really love you will be there for you.

I don't know if this is textbook but it is how I did it.

[SparklingDawn]

Telling parents can result in further damage if they invalidate or blame. Your boyfriend should work with a therapist to prepare him and to support him. I am thinking of you both, as you seem to be a very caring person.

[freshstart]

Hi there,

It's great that you are trying to help your boyfriend with this! I would gently offer that you may want to suggest that he come here himself and learn from some of the folks on here as opposed to you gathering the intel for him. This is a long journey and one that takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage. He may well need additional support from those of us who've gone through it. If he has a T, he should definitely discuss with that T prior to taking on the folks. If he doesn't, he should definitely consider. Good for you for looking for ways to help him!

[kazine]

He told his parents, found out they already knew. When his dad walked in on the abuse, he put the guy in hospital for four weeks.

Result? Well it certainly made my BF feel better, and like it was a weight off his chest .

Kaz x

[Silent]

Sooo glad it went well!

[amalivo6]

glad it went good,

[Space-Ghost]

What a relief for him. since his Dad knew and yet your BF is just now realizing this all, I would keep an eye out for repressed memmories to surface and nightmares!

Anyhow, Thank Heavens he has support!