reishas 2019 thread
Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei
-
- Member
- Posts: 3179
- Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 8:12 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Just thinking about you and dropping in to connect.
Huge love,
EH
Huge love,
EH
"One kind word can warm three winter months"
-
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Thanks to everyone who's postedwords of care & support.
Ive fallen downthat damn rabbit hole again, it seems.....
I am readin others threads, but havin a hard time, findin much to say. & then i get so behind, it feels weird to tryto jumpback in, get cot up.
Aquather is kinda on hold, til i can figger sumthingsout. I thinkdoin it2x/wk was too much - 1x/wk mite work better, as between my worry about logistics & then the ongoin sleep probs just kinda compound everything. My biggest issue is w paratransit, the drivers. Ya cant dictate the route the take, & sum insist on goin thru streets w speed bumps, which is painful for me. More problematic, tho, is .... the inappropriate convos. I had one driver who went on & on bout her 15 months of sobriety, after 17 yrs of bein atruckstop crackwhore, carryin a .22 gun, & usin it; never seein the need for a pimp, & plans to move on to drivin greyhound.......
Whaddami sposta say to this? Stfu? Thanks for sharin? Be PC & congrats on sobriety? Another driver ranted bout how scary a full burkha (sp) was to her. & these damn people not speakin english, this is AMERICA!! - stop speakin spanish!!!! Again, how *should* i respond? ( get me the f offa this bus!) Its made me unwillin to book another ride, finish my therapy. It takes between 15 & 40 minutes to get there( not including the hr on each end of their 'pickup windows'). Reg bus is bout an hr & 1/2, plus about an 8 block walk each way.....
So, not sure what to do bout this. Complaints to agency are ineffective (its currently in news for poor service, etc)
In 'relaionship' news, im feelin shunned, left out of various funNgames - 'gem' & such. It bothers me that it bothers me, that its still so 3rd grade - sems we never really advancemuch beyond that.
WaaaaaaaaayTooMuch rain lately, so my 'bedslug' tendencies are in full force.
Notice, on other threads, folx talkin bout how sleep comes easiest around dawn. Hm - same here, altho dont really think/feel 'the reasons' are quite as valid (for me) as for others. Still, its probly worth a convo, next t/pdoc...
& still kinda 'stuck' on .... wonderin, or tryin to ... fill in thegaps of foo history - how could my gma, my gfolx produce such f'd up offspring ; given that they were DRs, how could my aunt-mom be such aa prejudicial, arrogant, ignorant ASSshit about me wantin to help less fortunate kids? SOOOOOO much anger, confusion, hurt around alla that. - what i mita, coulda, woulda, shoulda been.........
& yeah, how it all colluded in such a way as to ensure i end up w no one, alone; unable to know what healthy inneraction is, or how to create it...... feelin sad, (damaged). Can see where *i* dont engage, Put Out The Effort (anymore) to maintain relationships.... (twice shy, once bitten).
WANT for Things To Change, aware that things wont change *if* i make no changes ( like, at least movin tv OUTTA bdrm).
Just, EVERYTHING is percieved as bein TooMuchEffort ( for too lil return)
Im Up All Nite, sleep comes around dawn. I turn off the 10am alarm, go back to sleep til 1, 3, 4pm, maybe w tv on, or not... cats wake me when bowls are emtpy... dont rinse, just repeat....
Ive fallen downthat damn rabbit hole again, it seems.....
I am readin others threads, but havin a hard time, findin much to say. & then i get so behind, it feels weird to tryto jumpback in, get cot up.
Aquather is kinda on hold, til i can figger sumthingsout. I thinkdoin it2x/wk was too much - 1x/wk mite work better, as between my worry about logistics & then the ongoin sleep probs just kinda compound everything. My biggest issue is w paratransit, the drivers. Ya cant dictate the route the take, & sum insist on goin thru streets w speed bumps, which is painful for me. More problematic, tho, is .... the inappropriate convos. I had one driver who went on & on bout her 15 months of sobriety, after 17 yrs of bein atruckstop crackwhore, carryin a .22 gun, & usin it; never seein the need for a pimp, & plans to move on to drivin greyhound.......
Whaddami sposta say to this? Stfu? Thanks for sharin? Be PC & congrats on sobriety? Another driver ranted bout how scary a full burkha (sp) was to her. & these damn people not speakin english, this is AMERICA!! - stop speakin spanish!!!! Again, how *should* i respond? ( get me the f offa this bus!) Its made me unwillin to book another ride, finish my therapy. It takes between 15 & 40 minutes to get there( not including the hr on each end of their 'pickup windows'). Reg bus is bout an hr & 1/2, plus about an 8 block walk each way.....
So, not sure what to do bout this. Complaints to agency are ineffective (its currently in news for poor service, etc)
In 'relaionship' news, im feelin shunned, left out of various funNgames - 'gem' & such. It bothers me that it bothers me, that its still so 3rd grade - sems we never really advancemuch beyond that.
WaaaaaaaaayTooMuch rain lately, so my 'bedslug' tendencies are in full force.
Notice, on other threads, folx talkin bout how sleep comes easiest around dawn. Hm - same here, altho dont really think/feel 'the reasons' are quite as valid (for me) as for others. Still, its probly worth a convo, next t/pdoc...
& still kinda 'stuck' on .... wonderin, or tryin to ... fill in thegaps of foo history - how could my gma, my gfolx produce such f'd up offspring ; given that they were DRs, how could my aunt-mom be such aa prejudicial, arrogant, ignorant ASSshit about me wantin to help less fortunate kids? SOOOOOO much anger, confusion, hurt around alla that. - what i mita, coulda, woulda, shoulda been.........
& yeah, how it all colluded in such a way as to ensure i end up w no one, alone; unable to know what healthy inneraction is, or how to create it...... feelin sad, (damaged). Can see where *i* dont engage, Put Out The Effort (anymore) to maintain relationships.... (twice shy, once bitten).
WANT for Things To Change, aware that things wont change *if* i make no changes ( like, at least movin tv OUTTA bdrm).
Just, EVERYTHING is percieved as bein TooMuchEffort ( for too lil return)
Im Up All Nite, sleep comes around dawn. I turn off the 10am alarm, go back to sleep til 1, 3, 4pm, maybe w tv on, or not... cats wake me when bowls are emtpy... dont rinse, just repeat....
Last edited by Jonesy on Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to ST, for profanity
Reason: Changed MT to ST, for profanity
-
- Member
- Posts: 13378
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Dear reisha
That all sounds very hard
It could be worthwhile moving TV out of bedroom - but - I get the shock, horror of just doing that much
Cats are great at telling us when they are hungry. I used to feed mine then me (tho not always) then slip back to bed
Can you change paratransport agency? Apologies if that's been a merry-go-round for you. Some agencies here have better reputation than others for value for money, actually doing what they claim, etc
Tis a very convoluted way to travel by public bus and walking long way.... I'm inclined to suggest a joke - take picnic lunch with you, smile
Absolutely, those are inappropriate conversation topics. In such cases, I'd rather the driver silently concentrate on the road
Hearing you re Gem et al. You'd miss the company, sociability, but .... I guess you'd not really want Gem one one one? Anyone else you could phone, have a chat, sometimes? Perhaps local newspaper might suggest free or low cost activities?
There's an imbalance world wide it seems to me - too much and/or insufficient water, sun, wind , heat/cold etc etc - in many places. Trust your State's fires are extinguished, and flood in clean up stages
May you explore ways to return to diurnal habits. Says she who has been awake all night again.... I need to do same
Re Foo - do you think, as I do re myself - that we (that is you, me) simply have a different concept of the Universe? My siblings don't get my wavelength and I occasionally feel nauseated at what they say. I've been known to ask if they really believe their words. Even our speech is three different accents, let alone vocabulary
May you have restful slumber overnight followed by a beautiful day with your cat's and whatever else comes your way. Wishing you myriad special moments
Softest caring hugs for you and pats for kitty cats
That all sounds very hard
It could be worthwhile moving TV out of bedroom - but - I get the shock, horror of just doing that much
Cats are great at telling us when they are hungry. I used to feed mine then me (tho not always) then slip back to bed
Can you change paratransport agency? Apologies if that's been a merry-go-round for you. Some agencies here have better reputation than others for value for money, actually doing what they claim, etc
Tis a very convoluted way to travel by public bus and walking long way.... I'm inclined to suggest a joke - take picnic lunch with you, smile
Absolutely, those are inappropriate conversation topics. In such cases, I'd rather the driver silently concentrate on the road
Hearing you re Gem et al. You'd miss the company, sociability, but .... I guess you'd not really want Gem one one one? Anyone else you could phone, have a chat, sometimes? Perhaps local newspaper might suggest free or low cost activities?
There's an imbalance world wide it seems to me - too much and/or insufficient water, sun, wind , heat/cold etc etc - in many places. Trust your State's fires are extinguished, and flood in clean up stages
May you explore ways to return to diurnal habits. Says she who has been awake all night again.... I need to do same
Re Foo - do you think, as I do re myself - that we (that is you, me) simply have a different concept of the Universe? My siblings don't get my wavelength and I occasionally feel nauseated at what they say. I've been known to ask if they really believe their words. Even our speech is three different accents, let alone vocabulary
May you have restful slumber overnight followed by a beautiful day with your cat's and whatever else comes your way. Wishing you myriad special moments
Softest caring hugs for you and pats for kitty cats
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
-
- Member
- Posts: 9795
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am
Re: reishas 2019 thread
reisha ,
I have thought seriously of wearing earbuds, -phones around people I don’ Want conversations with. Just an idea for ride. Maybe bury your head in a book, say you’re studying? Fake phone call? ‘I have a splitting headache a toothache and I can’t really listen. ‘Loud moaning.’Take or leave as you wish.
understand about ‘woulda coulda shoulda ‘ regrets about life. My phrase is ‘perceived choice’. If you couldn’t really choose because you weren’t supported or were discouraged, or held certain beliefs, even unknown to you, you maybe couldn’t choose what you wanted, dreamed. Is there something you CaN do now along those lines or similar?
Being helpful to others can be done on large or small scale. Even loving, having compassion for yourself is being kind to someone.
Again, my thoughts or experiences, yours to take or leave.
I have thought seriously of wearing earbuds, -phones around people I don’ Want conversations with. Just an idea for ride. Maybe bury your head in a book, say you’re studying? Fake phone call? ‘I have a splitting headache a toothache and I can’t really listen. ‘Loud moaning.’Take or leave as you wish.
understand about ‘woulda coulda shoulda ‘ regrets about life. My phrase is ‘perceived choice’. If you couldn’t really choose because you weren’t supported or were discouraged, or held certain beliefs, even unknown to you, you maybe couldn’t choose what you wanted, dreamed. Is there something you CaN do now along those lines or similar?
Being helpful to others can be done on large or small scale. Even loving, having compassion for yourself is being kind to someone.
Again, my thoughts or experiences, yours to take or leave.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
-
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Well, i blew it again!
2x, this wk, infact...
Slept thru my aft'noon appt on mon. Reluctantly resched'd for 1130am today, where i once again slept thru alarm - grrr! I knew it was a bad ideea to sched an am appt! So, NOW whaddi do w myself all day? Thlo nk im goin back to sleep.......
2x, this wk, infact...
Slept thru my aft'noon appt on mon. Reluctantly resched'd for 1130am today, where i once again slept thru alarm - grrr! I knew it was a bad ideea to sched an am appt! So, NOW whaddi do w myself all day? Thlo nk im goin back to sleep.......
Last edited by Jonesy on Sun Mar 03, 2019 7:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
-
- Member
- Posts: 9795
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am
Re: reishas 2019 thread
reisha,
Dang! I understand that one! Worse when you have to pay for not showing up!!!
When sleep isn't great, afternoon appts are definitely best, true.
Self-forgiveness, try again?
Dang! I understand that one! Worse when you have to pay for not showing up!!!
When sleep isn't great, afternoon appts are definitely best, true.
Self-forgiveness, try again?
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
-
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
{{{There!}}}
Thank ya. Needed the reminder.
Called, embarrassed beyond belief, but am pm sched'd for 130pm next wed...
& yes - in past, have used similar stategies on bus. ALWAYS travel w readin material, notbook & pen - dinna work those times. Deaf in 1 ear, partially in other, havin things in ear renders me even less able to hear my surroundings, esp in (vehicles) rattletrap clanking metal bus goin over speed bumps, often w 'ambiant' music blastin from radio..... even when ive got the buds in 'just for looks' but not turned on. Butam considerin exactly this option.
Took both cats out durin day - 1 atta time - goo on leash, sproink still learnin harness. Shes still 'just lil' enuff to slip outta her collar, needs more 'constraint'. Goo & i had a nice leisurely 'poke around' the garden sproink just wanted to 'floss her teeth' on the various (decorative) grasses, or lie on the cool (damp) lawn. At least goo had the good sense to head forthe sunny spots
Thank ya. Needed the reminder.
Called, embarrassed beyond belief, but am pm sched'd for 130pm next wed...
& yes - in past, have used similar stategies on bus. ALWAYS travel w readin material, notbook & pen - dinna work those times. Deaf in 1 ear, partially in other, havin things in ear renders me even less able to hear my surroundings, esp in (vehicles) rattletrap clanking metal bus goin over speed bumps, often w 'ambiant' music blastin from radio..... even when ive got the buds in 'just for looks' but not turned on. Butam considerin exactly this option.
Took both cats out durin day - 1 atta time - goo on leash, sproink still learnin harness. Shes still 'just lil' enuff to slip outta her collar, needs more 'constraint'. Goo & i had a nice leisurely 'poke around' the garden sproink just wanted to 'floss her teeth' on the various (decorative) grasses, or lie on the cool (damp) lawn. At least goo had the good sense to head forthe sunny spots
Last edited by Jonesy on Sun Mar 03, 2019 7:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
-
- Member
- Posts: 13378
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Dear reisha
Can very much relate to your experience with appointments. Sometimes I've awoken just before the expected time - then I'll call and make lame excuse. Other times I've had receptionist phone to ask if I'm attending today please? Once, I plea bargained to not pay the no show fee. Gggrrr!!!
Walking cats can be frustrating as with Sproink or a joy as you had with Goo. I wish Soxy would allow lead and harness but he fights literally tooth and claw
Thank you for your additions to our fun stuff thread
Sent with soft catesses - oh, and gentle hugs for you (smile)
Can very much relate to your experience with appointments. Sometimes I've awoken just before the expected time - then I'll call and make lame excuse. Other times I've had receptionist phone to ask if I'm attending today please? Once, I plea bargained to not pay the no show fee. Gggrrr!!!
Walking cats can be frustrating as with Sproink or a joy as you had with Goo. I wish Soxy would allow lead and harness but he fights literally tooth and claw
Thank you for your additions to our fun stuff thread
Sent with soft catesses - oh, and gentle hugs for you (smile)
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
-
- Member
- Posts: 5939
- Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:31 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
Hi Reisha,
That sounds tough, managing the sleep schedule / hard to wake up.
I watched a family member really battle with that for years.
I hope the afternoon appointments work out better.
Those sound like good Strategies for managing wildly inappropriate conversations. Pretty darn frustrating that it’s happening in the first place!
I remember many an awkward conversation with personal care workers here in the home. I never did find a good solution for dealing with it.
I had a lovely image of you taking Sproink and Goo outside. Thanks for sharing.
Very lucky kitties.
Wishing you a good start to your weekend.
Couragetoday
That sounds tough, managing the sleep schedule / hard to wake up.
I watched a family member really battle with that for years.
I hope the afternoon appointments work out better.
Those sound like good Strategies for managing wildly inappropriate conversations. Pretty darn frustrating that it’s happening in the first place!
I remember many an awkward conversation with personal care workers here in the home. I never did find a good solution for dealing with it.
I had a lovely image of you taking Sproink and Goo outside. Thanks for sharing.
Very lucky kitties.
Wishing you a good start to your weekend.
Couragetoday
-
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reishas 2019 thread
{{{{{ ♡♡♡♡my GODDI friends!!!♡♡♡}}}}}
( gender. Inclusive term we use)
Yes, have been ruminatin on these very things, as i need to figger out the 3 remainin pt aquatherapy appts - think im gonna Make That Call, speak. W mmy t, exxplain my transpo issues more in terms of - long ride each way. There, at least im dry, if not warm. But commin home, im both cold & WET!!!!! Im highly aleergic to cold! - no fat/body masss to Keep Me Warm. Therefore, can she send me written instructions (or arrange One Last 'Meet' - get it? Play on 'swim meet')., so i can continue at a pool nearer to me.
DIDmanage to make it to pain dr (addict that i am), among other things, he asked which areas ^they^ were workin on ( mostly pelvic, hips & legs) when what prompted the referal w my (ongoin) complaints bout arm. Ive LONG thot/FELT that 'everything' started in my thoratic back (where my scoliosis is)
The kneebones connected to the jawbone.....
When i again suggested this, he suddenly 'hears' me, confirms a connection, pulls up the models to show me what ive long physically FELT.
VUNDER-F'N-FUL!!!!! What does this help, weve been seein each other for more'n 6 yrs.... more script creams, support for movin pt closer to home, meds & see ya in 2 mnths, next...!
So, next wk, will hafta face t for LONG session (apparently, she has short, med, or long sessions.....) - & no, she dunna do phone. Then next day, see pdocc. Already strappin on my 'phycic armour'. DEEP breaths....
<enter my pissy self>
Yeah! & see, cuz heres the thing - my 'guar hrs of functionality' are in the aft'noon. Theres a diff tween 'awake' & 'vertical'. From wake to vertical(aka 'functioning') can often take close to 2 hrs, if bathing, even longer. Add another 1/2 hr if im 'slingin slop' instead-a actually preparin AND consumin 'real food'. (Not includin clean up). Multiply by sleep issues. Spin 3 times, & click yer heals....
I realized t'nite that my fuckups mostly occur when i *try* to adapt to 'normal expectations' - fittin my peg into their holes. - same prob that i had w the 'helper'.
Yet when i STAY TRUE to who, & what ino myself to be, i do a lil better. MY life, MY routines, MY shecdules..... & yeah, if imgonna be seein ya 'regularly' - 1x wk/mnth, whatever (66 sessions!) Then it works MUCH better for me if we putt sum STRUCTURE in my life - same battime, same batchannel, yaNO?!?!?!?????
Oh, & {peter tork!} Died - my faveorite monkee. MAY THE FOUR WINDS BLOW HIM SAFELY HOME
( gender. Inclusive term we use)
Yes, have been ruminatin on these very things, as i need to figger out the 3 remainin pt aquatherapy appts - think im gonna Make That Call, speak. W mmy t, exxplain my transpo issues more in terms of - long ride each way. There, at least im dry, if not warm. But commin home, im both cold & WET!!!!! Im highly aleergic to cold! - no fat/body masss to Keep Me Warm. Therefore, can she send me written instructions (or arrange One Last 'Meet' - get it? Play on 'swim meet')., so i can continue at a pool nearer to me.
DIDmanage to make it to pain dr (addict that i am), among other things, he asked which areas ^they^ were workin on ( mostly pelvic, hips & legs) when what prompted the referal w my (ongoin) complaints bout arm. Ive LONG thot/FELT that 'everything' started in my thoratic back (where my scoliosis is)
The kneebones connected to the jawbone.....
When i again suggested this, he suddenly 'hears' me, confirms a connection, pulls up the models to show me what ive long physically FELT.
VUNDER-F'N-FUL!!!!! What does this help, weve been seein each other for more'n 6 yrs.... more script creams, support for movin pt closer to home, meds & see ya in 2 mnths, next...!
So, next wk, will hafta face t for LONG session (apparently, she has short, med, or long sessions.....) - & no, she dunna do phone. Then next day, see pdocc. Already strappin on my 'phycic armour'. DEEP breaths....
<enter my pissy self>
Yeah! & see, cuz heres the thing - my 'guar hrs of functionality' are in the aft'noon. Theres a diff tween 'awake' & 'vertical'. From wake to vertical(aka 'functioning') can often take close to 2 hrs, if bathing, even longer. Add another 1/2 hr if im 'slingin slop' instead-a actually preparin AND consumin 'real food'. (Not includin clean up). Multiply by sleep issues. Spin 3 times, & click yer heals....
I realized t'nite that my fuckups mostly occur when i *try* to adapt to 'normal expectations' - fittin my peg into their holes. - same prob that i had w the 'helper'.
Yet when i STAY TRUE to who, & what ino myself to be, i do a lil better. MY life, MY routines, MY shecdules..... & yeah, if imgonna be seein ya 'regularly' - 1x wk/mnth, whatever (66 sessions!) Then it works MUCH better for me if we putt sum STRUCTURE in my life - same battime, same batchannel, yaNO?!?!?!?????
Oh, & {peter tork!} Died - my faveorite monkee. MAY THE FOUR WINDS BLOW HIM SAFELY HOME