reishas 2019 thread

[earthhorse]

(((((((((((((((((((((Reisha)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So relate to the hellodaze! Thank you so much for voicing it! I am the spirit of 'irkmus', cranky, jumpy, snappy, miserable, sensitive, grouchy. Better not to be near people -ish. Yeah because of horrors. But not quite been able to be nice about any of it. Not really able to make things about healing the stuff. "Just got to a live with it", "thourgh it", way of being.

Also relate to the (no)choices that arise due to hard won self knowledge, a change in attitude approach. Feeling more choice in how to engage with memories, how I 'm feeling.

Bah humbug! Snitch, grinch, blat, urgh, bluck!

We can be grinches together! Get a whole bunch of stuff to burn on a Christmas tree pyre. Our regrets, how we should feel, every message we have been told that makes us disloyal to what we truly love and believe in. Waaaa hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Burn FOO programming burn!

Thanks for being the beautiful real free spirit you are resiha!

Love and hilarity from across the world. Peace and solace from the deepest place.

Seeing you and liking you very much just as you are.

Love,
EH

[Fleur]

Dear Reisha


You and Earthhhorse say it so well

Yeah - I very much struggle with "who am I"; sorry that you do also, but really appreciate your writing about topic. In my case, I believe that society doesn't want, need, deserve, nor care about my negativity - plus, if I attempt the opposite, perhaps I'll actually feel/be more positive? Don't know really is bottom line

Sympathise re lack of internet. Glad it was not longer in absence

May 2019 continue with the "aha" moments, smile


Gentle hugs for you, pats for kitty cats

[reisha]

Hello, friends

My debit card got froze on fraud alert! Just got off a 2hr phone call ( mostly on hold,, GRRR!) & all is well.


See new t today. Im excited. The intake session, she asked my goals. I said learnin howto be a (disabled) senior.
Weird for me to beexcited for this. I feel/think sumtin happened, maybe on that 'magical' thurs b4 xmas, maybe my own inner healing, maybe flutterby farts in japan, i dunno.
Theres been a ...... shift in my perceptions, a change in my perspective. Or maybe its cuz i dinna change ins this time (& IME it takes bout a yr to get everyone on the same pg, see those specialists, etc. I REALLY like that my MH care is 'in house' w my pcp. & yes! They WILL/DO talk to each other bout me! All at the same place -(easy to get to)
So, this... shift... evenas 'down' as i got this season, innaway, it wasvery .... impersonal, if that makes sense - i was .... detached from it inna way. Not dissassociation, altho it meets thedefi nition. But more of a ... watching from outsside (inside) myself. - or, like my *adult self* was dispassionatley Taking Notes.
I now think that sincemy tumble in 2012, when i lost my home to my X, ive beeh scramblin for sumsorta sense of stability. I was just about there whenthe flood hit. Between my head & body health, i was/am EXHAUSTED!!!! this 'downtime' was/is needed healing. Nowthat we know theses drs//ins CAN get slop for me; now that we know alotta services are/can be done in house; now that i (theoretically) qual for ihss; nnow that my pain dr sends me for aqua therapy ( another 'i usta' - be a competitive swimmer/diver/syncronized swimmer/water polo/water safety instructor/..... water baby al the way, baby!!!!) , well, i can maybe see what *MY* 'seniorhhood' could look like. Ive hadda while to figger outhow im gonna do 'disabled', think i got that down pretty good - both the 'ouchyness', & the self sdvocacy. But the seniorhood is a mystery to me. Im still pretty new at it, a wobbly toddler. My images in my head are outdated, from the 50's or so. Not Applicabbleto todays whirld.

Theres a .....'circus school' in my town. I wanna get healthy enfuu to take their arieal silks class

[Fleur]

Dear reisha


Brilliant post to read

Wishing you well with T, goals, aerial silk class

Your comment about not knowing how to do seniorhood reflects my Dad's saying he didn't know how he ought to be doing at 80 - wonder if he'll say similar about 90 next birthday?

Each phase of being requires some evaluation - but it seems to me that this occurs subconsciously for decades unless there is a major calamity warranting huge mind shifts. For Mum, it was in 1980; in her mind, a year far into the future (a la comic books set in that era when she was a child). We weren't space travellers or having fantastic fashions for example. I recall us having a laugh

May your life be on the up and up


Soft caring hugs and kitty pats

[there]

reisha,
cheering you on to take aerial silks class. sounds like you!

[there]

reisha,
Hope the new T appt went well for you.

I love the water, too. I admire your swimming accomplishment s!

Am curious about the aerial silks class. Hope you do that

[reisha]

Hi there!

Yep, aquather ( is that 'AT' for shrot?) Starts next thur. & my {{{{fave 'droolfool'}}}}} musican is playin locally on fri! Small lil community venue - i cant wait!

Yes, have seen both new pdoc & t 2x now. (Pdoc yesterday) lots to. Report, haha! Mostly good, sum 'potentially alarming'. Havin weened myself ofa the benzo, i STILL have major sleep issues. Were doublin the gabapentin (orig 'scribed for nerve pain decades ago), & then considerin a bp med that often causes drowsiness. Downside to that'd be .... more possible dizziness, liteheaded, vertigo.... im already a 'low normal' on bp, & .....'things' already can make me dizzy, etc, so im reluctmant to go there. Lets see how the increase in gaba affects me 1st, b4 addin a new med........ he's also testin my thyroid, & for *syphillis*! (WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!) Hes doin a thorough 'rule out'. He put me on low dose melatonin after 1st visit. Said most folx take too high a dose, rendering it innneffective for sleep. Hmm, dinna know that. It seems to be ..... minamally helpful; for now, i-'ll keep it. Got the (cptsd questionairre. He dinna like that i marked between 2 points on several & made me pick whole #s. Ha. Reminded me that poor sleep is often a symptom of ptsd ( mores the pity, grr!) &, there new med specific for ptsd. ( that, as an aside, for later convo...)

I (think i) like this new t. Altho she ~warned~ me that she *mite* be movin outta stae come aug, i *think/hope* we can actually Do Sum Work insftead-a just another 'place holder' t. Shes goal oreintated, gets my 'lingo', seems ....... a likeminded soul(?). We'll see....

There, remind me theres a thing i wanna say, lol! Im too pooped to keep (sitten uprite &...)typin.
Fleur, that goes for ya too!

{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}

[Fleur]

Dear reisha


Sounds quietly optimistic, positive re both T and pdoc

Great that you can attend local venue for musical event on Friday

Water based therapeutic ideas can be helpful simply due to the liquid creating weightlessness

May you and cats enjoy today


Soft caring hugs

[reisha]

Hi fleur!

Yes, cautiously optimistic, the honeymoon phase of any new relationship, lol!
I really like this 'new' ( one yr & counting) ins, pcp clinic/provider. They are a community based nonprofit, 42 yrs in existance, w sum 'wrap around' services, like... they have 13 supportive housing sites, an adult day center (in another county!), dental, this, that, other....... they seem to have a strong & wide network for referals. Theyre all about 'lifelong' care, their history/mission statement is about providin lifelong care to the most vulnerable members of the community. From my exp w them so far, im impressed - they are true to their word. Im grateful & thankful my 'reality' brought us together.

Ive beenhavin gut issues this past wk. Started..... well, last wkend, i hadda lil 'flare' of bile reflux. ( diff than acid reflux, for me). As that eased, monaftnoon found me w the runs, & its been so ever since, accompanied by moderately painful cramps. VonDerFull! ( fluer- saw on yer thread yer dealin w yer own gut issues. [Peas of a feather, we are!]). In ~solidarity~ ( get it? SOLID....... hehehe) w ya!

The aireal silks dream is probly just that, i dunno - am i or arent i as *fd up as i ~think~ i am*? In sum ways, im always sprized when im granted 'bennies' for my DIS; otoh,i also know i tend to 'excuse myself' in many ways cuz im DIS, so, thats a sharply edged sword.... do i believe the drs, or do i challenge em? How will ino what i can/cant do, if i dont try?

Yes, humans are curious, silly, odd lil momkeys.......

[there]

reisha, reading your latest before bedtime here.

Sticking with me is '"How will ino what i can/cant do, if i dont try?"