Update: My Niece

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juliewr
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Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Update: My Niece

Post by juliewr »

Some of you have been following on other posts things going on with my niece. It has been a while since I updated.

The last I mentioned she was taken by CPS and was living with my other sister. She lived with her for about 6 weeks while my other sister, her mother, underwent counseling and moved out of our parents house.

She was given a few overnight visits, which as far as we knew went well. She then was given 2 weekends and it seemed to go well.

Finally, she was given custody back.

Sadly, after only a few days, she once again started spanking her. At first, she was using just her hand and the wooden spoon on her bare butt, which didn't leave marks for more than a few hours - which is legal here in [location removed]. She has also used the belt again on her bare butt, but those marks also didn't last more than 24 hours - again not illegal here.

It seems like she is spanking more often and less hard...so the marks, which is what is technically illegal, are not there.

This is upsetting to my other sister and I, but it is not illegal, so we are not sure what to do.
Last edited by Ashia on Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removed location to protect your identity, as per guidelines
Xanthia
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Posts: 3094
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:20 am

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by Xanthia »

Hi juliewr,

Any spanking, but especially ritually done, is an offense against your niece.

Can you arrange for your niece to speak out about what is going on to someone involved in her case?

Agree that it is difficult when technically it seems to be legal in your province.

On a broader level, do you think legislation needs revising?

With care,
Xanthia
iwillthrive

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by iwillthrive »

juliewr,

Sorry to hear that the abusive patterns started right back up. I hope your niece can find a way to get help again. Seems so unfair that she endure such abuse.

Hoping she finds her way out. iwillthrive
Jonesy
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Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by Jonesy »

Hi juliewr

I am truly sorry to hear about this. It must be very distressing for you to witness.

I have to confess how worrying and upsetting I find it that an authority wouldn't act upon this information - particularly from a close family member.
Can you speak up again? Ensure your words are heard? Contact child services? Please remember that the well-being of your niece must be paramount.
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
juliewr
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Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by juliewr »

In our state the issue is leaving marks that last more than 24 hours.

The reason my sister got in trouble before was that, like what we got growing up, she spanked to the point where marks would be there for days and days; bruises and welts.

It is legal for her to spank, or any parent to spank a child under age 18, in any way they choose as long as the marks left are "reasonable" and do not last more than 24 hours.

So, she is using her hand a lot - those marks even if you spank as hard as you can for 5 solid minutes are gone by the next morning. She can use the spoon or paddle pretty hard too as most of the time, unless you hit the same spot multiple times, the marks go away within a day. The belt is similar, she can spank her probably 10-15 times as hard as she wants with it and the marks will go away in a day unless she hits the same spot over and over again.

So, what used to be maybe 30 with the belt twice a week (which leaves marks b/c you can't not hit the same spot multiple times) has turned into 10-15 with the belt 4 times a week and the hand almost daily.

Like my parents were with us, my sisters only goal here is complete control, submission and breaking of her will.

I wish the laws were different, but they are not.
iwillthrive

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by iwillthrive »

juliewr,

The law sucks! That seems so wrong to allow a beating almost every day of the week and it be ok just because it doesn’t leave marks that can be seen. What about the marks that can’t be seen? That’s what’s being ingnorwd in the law. Scary to think that people know how to find their way around this and continue to abuse.

I’m so sorry your niece has to endure this. She deserves comfort, safety, and healthy love. I’m thinking of her (and you) and sending as many positive thoughts as I can.

iwillthrive
Xanthia
Member
Posts: 3094
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:20 am

Re: Update: My Niece

Post by Xanthia »

Hi juliewr,

My heart hurts for you, your niece and the abusers who think hurting another human being is OK. This is not loving behavior, no matter how anyone chooses to justify.

I really hope you can find a way to whisk your niece to a safe haven, where she doesn't experience a slap as an attempt to break her will.

With care,
Xanthia
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