Group Abuse

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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juliewr
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Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Group Abuse

Post by juliewr »

As I am starting to finally deal with the abuse that I received from my parents and others I am having to deal with a lot of things I tried to just ignore. One of the things that has always bothered me, but that I have tried to ignore dealing with, is when my parents let other adults spank me. This happened a few times when I was young, but almost exclusively ages 15-18. This past weekend I ended up at an event in town for a charity and ran into a woman from my past. It has brought up a lot of trouble for my emotional well-being this week. I need to vent this somewhere.

When I was 17 my mom and the mothers of the other 3 girls in youth group that were my age sent the 4 of us on a weekend trip with a woman from the church who was supposed to talk to us about college, drugs, alcohol and sex. It was supposed to be a weekend in a cabin in the woods where she mentored us and talked to us about the evil things that may happen in college, a we were all high school seniors.

What it ended up being was a weekend of group spanking, humiliation and bible verse memorizing. The 4 of us got spanked by this lady with each other all weekend long as part of every little lesson she taught us. We saw each other without pants or underwear on all weekend, bent across the ladies lap for her hand, bent with out elbows on the couch for the paddle/belt or on all 4's on the floor for the paddle/belt. She would be spanking us in those positions while commenting on our private parts and how "no boy better EVER touch these before you're married" as she did it and we were made to quote bible verses about chastity.

We had to take group showers and she wouldn't even let us shut the bathroom to use the toilet. There was "no privacy". She kept saying the whole design of the weekend, which our parents were well aware of, was to "beat into us the need to be chaste and holy" while in college. It fits right in with our church and my parents who always thought that they had to beat lessons into me. They said "we have to break your evil will by breaking you" and we do that through embarrassing and painful spankings.

Well, I was at the event this week and that women from the retreat came up to me. She recognized me. I was frozen in shock. She called me by name, she asked how I was doing, she said she remembers our weekend together and sees that it must have worked because I am happily married now. She commented how 2 of the other 4 girls didn't learn their lesson like me. It is true two of them were a mess in college, but that is another story. Anyway, I was frozen and silent, in shock. She patted me on the arm and moved on.

I am a bit of a mess. That women made me bend over and get into positions as a fully-developed 17 year old where she saw all of me private areas, she commented on those areas and she beat me multiple times that weekend with her hand, paddle and a belt. She did that to my friends in front of me and made them watch her do it to me. We were not only exposed to her but to each other. I do not know how to feel having seen her again now 18 years later! It feels like it was last weekend she was giving us lessons about why not to trim our pubic hair and belting us while we quoted verses.
Ashia
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Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 6:42 pm

Re: Group Abuse

Post by Ashia »

Hi juliewr

I hear how difficult it was for you running into that woman and all the memories, feelings that have been brought up since. I'm so sorry for what you went through with your parents and during that weekend in the cabin. I know you were starting to see a T? How is that going? Do you think this is something you would feel comfortable sharing with him/her? I'm glad you came here to vent and share your words. What happened to you was wrong but you're not alone now.

With caring
Ashia
juliewr
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Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: Group Abuse

Post by juliewr »

I have been working with a therapist. We are working through some sexual abuse...I was anal-raped at least 3 times...right now and have put some of the spanking stuff aside for now.

It is really hard to be around people who violated you as an older, developed teenager. I feel like as we talked she was fondly remembering me bent over half naked in front of her. She had an arrogance like she has ownership over my body.
Ashia
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 894
Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2017 6:42 pm

Re: Group Abuse

Post by Ashia »

Hi juliewr

I'm glad you are working with a T and I hope you find him/her to be a good support. It's never easy looking at this stuff but you're doing it, step by step. It's a brave thing to do. You're right, it is very difficult to be around an abuser. Is it likely you will run into that woman again? The most important thing is keeping yourself safe, not just physically, but mentally too.

With caring
Ashia
Xanthia
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Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:20 am

Re: Group Abuse

Post by Xanthia »

Hi juliewr,

Meeting that woman 18 years later sounds like the worst flashback possible.

May you be able to process with your T.

Sending safe caring hugs,
Xanthia
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