Just stopping by and checking in.
Hope you are doing OK
(((((((((((((((( Reisha ))))))))))))))))
Much love,
Jitterbug
reisha's 2018 thread
Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei
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Jitterbug
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reisha
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Re: reisha's 2018 thread
hello friends
its been a while.
im STILL @ hotel - seems a 'whole lotta nuthin' is goin on - it wears on me. i dunno what to say, where to start......
t is retired; i have a VERY short list of possibles.
the trauma group dinna work out - bus issues - by the time i got to my last bus stop, that bus stopped runnin. so im inna bad part-a town, after 9pm ... ended up takin a taxi to hotel, & cant afford that, so i dropped out. bummed me, cuz this was a perfect fit, esp w/ t retiring.
finally got in w/ new drs group, & met w/ new pcpc - i think i really like her, but now have umpteen blood & poop tests to do.
stuff w/ the 'aquaintence' @ apt - she rants bout the 'ugly niggers' & other things. blew me off after invitin me to meet for coffee - im still pissed, as i took buses to meet w/ her. she wasted my time; & compounded w/ her rants, im now questionin her .... 'sanity'. will hafta confront her, at sum point bout her racist rants - i dont wanna hear em. if i can support her MOVIN FORWARD, i will, but im not interested in 'condoning' her rants, or racsism.
but shes sumhow managed to ... put a bug in my ear - i find im now questioning sum-a the things w/ prop mngment, which is probly not good.
one thing that really has me gooberfluxed is ..... i called medicare, to tell em that the ambulance rides & ct head/brain scan that were on my summery DID NOT occur - funny, tho, as they are for the same dates as when i was pulled outta apt & in p-hosp. medicare asked if i was reportin fraud - that freaked me out, i just dont want it on my acct, since its not mine, & said as much. but medicare is doin a fraud investagation. so tween that & what this 'aqauintence' has said, my paranoia has ran rampant in those wee hrs. - ~What *If*.....
pain dr has given me a new script - need to go to compoundin pharm - its for ketamine gel - which freaked me out, as i know of ketamine as a party drug & animal tranq. YIKES! not covered by ins, so dunno if i can afford it. & as a gel, i assume its lower dose than whats used to party w/; still.... (ykes!) oh - &, yet another round-a PT - argh!
lotsa other lil 'nuthin' stuff, that weighs on me.
not good communication tween prop mngment, me, hotel, care coordinator .... spose i *could* do a bit more to correct that .... but probly wont, as i kinda think its on them to keep me informed; otoh, i DO need ... timely info, so ... UG!!!
lotsa other stuff, lil nigglin things mostly ....
im hopin to be more present here again, but dunno yet
much love & support & care to all!!!
{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}
its been a while.
im STILL @ hotel - seems a 'whole lotta nuthin' is goin on - it wears on me. i dunno what to say, where to start......
t is retired; i have a VERY short list of possibles.
the trauma group dinna work out - bus issues - by the time i got to my last bus stop, that bus stopped runnin. so im inna bad part-a town, after 9pm ... ended up takin a taxi to hotel, & cant afford that, so i dropped out. bummed me, cuz this was a perfect fit, esp w/ t retiring.
finally got in w/ new drs group, & met w/ new pcpc - i think i really like her, but now have umpteen blood & poop tests to do.
stuff w/ the 'aquaintence' @ apt - she rants bout the 'ugly niggers' & other things. blew me off after invitin me to meet for coffee - im still pissed, as i took buses to meet w/ her. she wasted my time; & compounded w/ her rants, im now questionin her .... 'sanity'. will hafta confront her, at sum point bout her racist rants - i dont wanna hear em. if i can support her MOVIN FORWARD, i will, but im not interested in 'condoning' her rants, or racsism.
but shes sumhow managed to ... put a bug in my ear - i find im now questioning sum-a the things w/ prop mngment, which is probly not good.
one thing that really has me gooberfluxed is ..... i called medicare, to tell em that the ambulance rides & ct head/brain scan that were on my summery DID NOT occur - funny, tho, as they are for the same dates as when i was pulled outta apt & in p-hosp. medicare asked if i was reportin fraud - that freaked me out, i just dont want it on my acct, since its not mine, & said as much. but medicare is doin a fraud investagation. so tween that & what this 'aqauintence' has said, my paranoia has ran rampant in those wee hrs. - ~What *If*.....
pain dr has given me a new script - need to go to compoundin pharm - its for ketamine gel - which freaked me out, as i know of ketamine as a party drug & animal tranq. YIKES! not covered by ins, so dunno if i can afford it. & as a gel, i assume its lower dose than whats used to party w/; still.... (ykes!) oh - &, yet another round-a PT - argh!
lotsa other lil 'nuthin' stuff, that weighs on me.
not good communication tween prop mngment, me, hotel, care coordinator .... spose i *could* do a bit more to correct that .... but probly wont, as i kinda think its on them to keep me informed; otoh, i DO need ... timely info, so ... UG!!!
lotsa other stuff, lil nigglin things mostly ....
im hopin to be more present here again, but dunno yet
much love & support & care to all!!!
{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}
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there
- Member
- Posts: 9795
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
reisha,
((((((((((big overdue hug)))))))))))
Really missed you here!
Sorry about all the trying circumstances and people.
You are one of the strongest people I know.
So happy you've checked in.
Hangin' in whichya.
((((((((((big overdue hug)))))))))))
Really missed you here!
Sorry about all the trying circumstances and people.
You are one of the strongest people I know.
So happy you've checked in.
Hangin' in whichya.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
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reisha
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
oh, thank ya, {THERE!}
been havin a kinda tuff time of it - no craft items, (well, do have crayons & paper; & made a notta-wreath from the flora around here) - have spent a few $ @ thrift shops, on dollar books. but watchin WAAAYTooMuch CNN .... or naked & afraid, moonshiners, say yes to the dress (all really lame shows, but at least distracting......)
in other news, its now official - im f'd up! - applied for IHSS lasst month (after arguing for months w/ my s/w about my ~need~) - ive been awarded 74 & 1/2 hrs per month. while part-a me is pleased/relived to have the help; the larger part-a me is sad to know i *need* it.
getting old suxthebigtit-acreation!!
i was hopin for ... i dunno, maybe like 20 hrs a month or i dunno. this is almost as many hrs as when i was a IHSS provider. my client had had a stroke, & was bedbound. my award breaks down to sumtin like 18 hrs per wk. im in tears, typin this, the .... (loss) realization that im so needful.
always been a self-starter, a 'i-do-it-my-OWN-self!' kinda girl.
much of which stemmed from HAVING to do stuff, when i was far too young.
as a kid, askin for help was a sign of weakness, or went unanswered - there was no one there to help me, i was on my own, or at the mercy of bad adults.
flash forward
had always heard that when ya appiled for DIS, they always denied & ya hadda go to appeal. not me. when i applied, the lady asked me why i'd waited so long to apply (cuz i was listenin to my )!@)(@#!)dr, who kept tellin me it'd get better. well, it dinna) got my DIS, & a big fat check for the retro time/ back pay
& now IHSS....
im kinda stunned at how many hrs they're giving me.
thinkin bout how f'd up my apt was when the flood hit .....
its *obvious* i need the help.
hard to be happy bout it
very mixed emotions over this.
pride (?!) in tryin to do for self; sorrow for inability; & i spose sum grief, at the ..... 'loss' of mobility/stanima/other......
gonna go outside & eat a few ciggys, then will ~call-a-friend~ (the gal whose son died from gun; her remainin son has autism, & he gets services) - she's been a source of comfort, support thru this....
i dont understand myself sumtimes - i seem to have 'opposite' reaction to these kinda things. - i mean, it makes sense, in a really bass-ackwards kinda f'd up way.
im not makin sense, but i know y'all'll understand, & help to clarify what im feeling, work towards acceptance....
(ug!)
{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}
been havin a kinda tuff time of it - no craft items, (well, do have crayons & paper; & made a notta-wreath from the flora around here) - have spent a few $ @ thrift shops, on dollar books. but watchin WAAAYTooMuch CNN .... or naked & afraid, moonshiners, say yes to the dress (all really lame shows, but at least distracting......)
in other news, its now official - im f'd up! - applied for IHSS lasst month (after arguing for months w/ my s/w about my ~need~) - ive been awarded 74 & 1/2 hrs per month. while part-a me is pleased/relived to have the help; the larger part-a me is sad to know i *need* it.
getting old suxthebigtit-acreation!!
i was hopin for ... i dunno, maybe like 20 hrs a month or i dunno. this is almost as many hrs as when i was a IHSS provider. my client had had a stroke, & was bedbound. my award breaks down to sumtin like 18 hrs per wk. im in tears, typin this, the .... (loss) realization that im so needful.
always been a self-starter, a 'i-do-it-my-OWN-self!' kinda girl.
much of which stemmed from HAVING to do stuff, when i was far too young.
as a kid, askin for help was a sign of weakness, or went unanswered - there was no one there to help me, i was on my own, or at the mercy of bad adults.
flash forward
had always heard that when ya appiled for DIS, they always denied & ya hadda go to appeal. not me. when i applied, the lady asked me why i'd waited so long to apply (cuz i was listenin to my )!@)(@#!)dr, who kept tellin me it'd get better. well, it dinna) got my DIS, & a big fat check for the retro time/ back pay
& now IHSS....
im kinda stunned at how many hrs they're giving me.
thinkin bout how f'd up my apt was when the flood hit .....
its *obvious* i need the help.
hard to be happy bout it
very mixed emotions over this.
pride (?!) in tryin to do for self; sorrow for inability; & i spose sum grief, at the ..... 'loss' of mobility/stanima/other......
gonna go outside & eat a few ciggys, then will ~call-a-friend~ (the gal whose son died from gun; her remainin son has autism, & he gets services) - she's been a source of comfort, support thru this....
i dont understand myself sumtimes - i seem to have 'opposite' reaction to these kinda things. - i mean, it makes sense, in a really bass-ackwards kinda f'd up way.
im not makin sense, but i know y'all'll understand, & help to clarify what im feeling, work towards acceptance....
(ug!)
{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}
Last edited by Ashia on Thu Apr 12, 2018 7:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to ST for excessive use of profanity
Reason: Changed MT to ST for excessive use of profanity
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Fleur
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- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
Hello Reisha
Lovely to see your name, but so sad to know that life continues in the hotel and other stuff going on for you
Perhaps you'll be more able to attend the perfect fit group once you are back at your apartment? Public transport is useful but has limitations, as you've discovered
Yeah, Ts retire, move on, whatever ... I really hope you find a T with whom you can work very quickly
Hear you about help - I'm having several people suggesting home help in various guises - so far, resisting. Trust the 74 hours is truly a bonus for you to have support. Maybe you can be driven to places?
Agree about television programming being lame. As you say, a good distraction
May you enjoy peaceful times today
Soft caring hugs
Lovely to see your name, but so sad to know that life continues in the hotel and other stuff going on for you
Perhaps you'll be more able to attend the perfect fit group once you are back at your apartment? Public transport is useful but has limitations, as you've discovered
Yeah, Ts retire, move on, whatever ... I really hope you find a T with whom you can work very quickly
Hear you about help - I'm having several people suggesting home help in various guises - so far, resisting. Trust the 74 hours is truly a bonus for you to have support. Maybe you can be driven to places?
Agree about television programming being lame. As you say, a good distraction
May you enjoy peaceful times today
Soft caring hugs
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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Harmony
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- Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
Thought of you today when someone quoted the Grateful Dead
hope you are okay
Harmony
hope you are okay
Harmony
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there
- Member
- Posts: 9795
- Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
Hi, reisha 
Since Harmony posted, I'm thinking of you, too.
Sending gentle support, bubbles, purple ponies, and pink polka-dotted tricorns. (Three-horned horses)
Since Harmony posted, I'm thinking of you, too.
Sending gentle support, bubbles, purple ponies, and pink polka-dotted tricorns. (Three-horned horses)
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
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reisha
- Member
- Posts: 2017
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:00 pm
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
oh, {{{THANK YA!!!}}} fluer, harmony, there - the purple ponies & triacorns are gratefully, laughingly needed!!!!
i dunno ..... (much!) ..... why im findin it so difficult to come here, to post, or even just read others posts. kinda afeared to look too deep at it.
still nuthin done on apt - went by last wk - torn apart appliances in mid-a (non) floor, my ulitity bill for last month was $7. which tells me they dinna even go in to turn on lites to look at it.....
probs w/ PM not payin for my ex-ex-ex-extended stay - the care coordinator went to her supe about it, who then went to pm supe & they finally puller head outta ass & im paid up thru MAY 22nd ..... <tick tock, tick> <-- THIIIIIPHT!!!!
havna done any-a my blood tests yet, or much on my dr/health front - im now 't-free' - have been for lil over a month now - while im enjoyin the freedom, i also know its not too good/smart to go w/out for much longer - 'posedly, new pcp/group will address that.
feel .... lost, or 'on hold' - kindqa directionless. not real interested in much, excuse is the damn (loopyass) 3 bus rides/transfers to get anywhere.
oh! - got shot down on slop w/ new ins - pouting, & debatin if ~worth it~ to appeal ...... i want my 'obamacare/special needs' plan back, damnitalltopoopsville&back!!!!
got 3 twirly skirts - all diff shades of blue @ 3 diff thrift shops & just strung string thru the waistbands so they fit me & discovered that one ISNA a skirt, but really cool, really pretty pair-a midi lenth pants - in ruffled gauzy tourquoise blue - they kinda look like a cross tween haram pants & steampunk capri's.
plunk has been extra snuggly & kinda needful - i worry so about him, wobbly & vision impaired old man that he is. goo, otoh is drivin me batshit w/ her 'inner kitten' antics ( at all hrs of day & nite) - jeeze! she's 14 y/o - does she HAFTA chase the invisible bugs under & over & AllOverEverywhere @ oh-f'!-thrity a.m.?!?!?!!! - w/ a runnin commentary to boot? <cats~>
theres more, of this 'nuthin report', but this is enuff for now. thanks for readin
{{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}}
i dunno ..... (much!) ..... why im findin it so difficult to come here, to post, or even just read others posts. kinda afeared to look too deep at it.
still nuthin done on apt - went by last wk - torn apart appliances in mid-a (non) floor, my ulitity bill for last month was $7. which tells me they dinna even go in to turn on lites to look at it.....
probs w/ PM not payin for my ex-ex-ex-extended stay - the care coordinator went to her supe about it, who then went to pm supe & they finally puller head outta ass & im paid up thru MAY 22nd ..... <tick tock, tick> <-- THIIIIIPHT!!!!
havna done any-a my blood tests yet, or much on my dr/health front - im now 't-free' - have been for lil over a month now - while im enjoyin the freedom, i also know its not too good/smart to go w/out for much longer - 'posedly, new pcp/group will address that.
feel .... lost, or 'on hold' - kindqa directionless. not real interested in much, excuse is the damn (loopyass) 3 bus rides/transfers to get anywhere.
oh! - got shot down on slop w/ new ins - pouting, & debatin if ~worth it~ to appeal ...... i want my 'obamacare/special needs' plan back, damnitalltopoopsville&back!!!!
got 3 twirly skirts - all diff shades of blue @ 3 diff thrift shops & just strung string thru the waistbands so they fit me & discovered that one ISNA a skirt, but really cool, really pretty pair-a midi lenth pants - in ruffled gauzy tourquoise blue - they kinda look like a cross tween haram pants & steampunk capri's.
plunk has been extra snuggly & kinda needful - i worry so about him, wobbly & vision impaired old man that he is. goo, otoh is drivin me batshit w/ her 'inner kitten' antics ( at all hrs of day & nite) - jeeze! she's 14 y/o - does she HAFTA chase the invisible bugs under & over & AllOverEverywhere @ oh-f'!-thrity a.m.?!?!?!!! - w/ a runnin commentary to boot? <cats~>
theres more, of this 'nuthin report', but this is enuff for now. thanks for readin
{{{{ISURVIVE!!!}}}}
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Fleur
- Member
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- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
Dearest Reisha
Really appreciate your dropping in. Very surprised that your apt is still in a mess. Glad about extension of payment for current room until 22 May - sending positive vibes for complete revamp of apt by then, so you and kitty cats can return safely home
Your op shop/thrift shop purchases sound great. Like the idea of adjustable waist, whether as a skirt or trousers - my waist is in and out, so I'm never sure which clothes will fit, need a belt. Think sizing is crazy - I have size 16 trousers that fit OK, others are too big and size 14 where they are needing a belt. Am thinking to get size 12, but have to try, therefore need the bus to get me to stores
Agree with you about buses being a pain - either insufficient services or timetable finishes too soon. Then there's the co-ordination of different routes ...
Trains here are great to travel to some centres - I haven't stopped being grateful for availability from early AM until midnight
I smiled at Goo's antics. Soxy has gradually increased playing, including when I'm asleep. There's an occasional rustling which has both cat and me baffled - is it inside, in wall or roof cavity or just on top of the roof????
I trust you'll soon sort out health services as desirable to suit your budget and health status - although seeing a T is a tie, and can be upsetting, may you find a really supportive helpful therapist who totally gets how thoughts, feelings, affect us physically and psychologically - whether they stem from yesterday or long ago experiences
May you enjoy warmer weather in your springtime - and may you be able to move with freedom
Soft caring hugs
Really appreciate your dropping in. Very surprised that your apt is still in a mess. Glad about extension of payment for current room until 22 May - sending positive vibes for complete revamp of apt by then, so you and kitty cats can return safely home
Your op shop/thrift shop purchases sound great. Like the idea of adjustable waist, whether as a skirt or trousers - my waist is in and out, so I'm never sure which clothes will fit, need a belt. Think sizing is crazy - I have size 16 trousers that fit OK, others are too big and size 14 where they are needing a belt. Am thinking to get size 12, but have to try, therefore need the bus to get me to stores
Agree with you about buses being a pain - either insufficient services or timetable finishes too soon. Then there's the co-ordination of different routes ...
Trains here are great to travel to some centres - I haven't stopped being grateful for availability from early AM until midnight
I smiled at Goo's antics. Soxy has gradually increased playing, including when I'm asleep. There's an occasional rustling which has both cat and me baffled - is it inside, in wall or roof cavity or just on top of the roof????
I trust you'll soon sort out health services as desirable to suit your budget and health status - although seeing a T is a tie, and can be upsetting, may you find a really supportive helpful therapist who totally gets how thoughts, feelings, affect us physically and psychologically - whether they stem from yesterday or long ago experiences
May you enjoy warmer weather in your springtime - and may you be able to move with freedom
Soft caring hugs
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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Jitterbug
- Member
- Posts: 1411
- Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2013 2:51 pm
Re: reisha's 2018 thread
Hello reisha,
So good to read your post, but never feel under any pressure. It's always all about what's right for you, for all of us.
I so understand your feeling lost and a bit directionless. While you are managing to get some things moving forwards, (which in itself is incredible, given all that is/has gone on) it must be quite a wrench being t-less. I am at the moment too and it has taken me months to find some place of equilibrium. Not sure where I'm headed next either. My t finishing coincided with some other major stresses for me too & I think being out of your apt so long must be so disruptive. You are doing an amazing job keeping everything afloat for yourself while the structure of your home is being put back together (slowly!). Hang on in there, dear friend.
I'm imagining your stifled creativity bursting out when you do get back in there and I've got everything crossed that things start moving fast for you with that. It's a lovely image, if that's OK to say?
Warm hugs,
jitterbug
So good to read your post, but never feel under any pressure. It's always all about what's right for you, for all of us.
I so understand your feeling lost and a bit directionless. While you are managing to get some things moving forwards, (which in itself is incredible, given all that is/has gone on) it must be quite a wrench being t-less. I am at the moment too and it has taken me months to find some place of equilibrium. Not sure where I'm headed next either. My t finishing coincided with some other major stresses for me too & I think being out of your apt so long must be so disruptive. You are doing an amazing job keeping everything afloat for yourself while the structure of your home is being put back together (slowly!). Hang on in there, dear friend.
I'm imagining your stifled creativity bursting out when you do get back in there and I've got everything crossed that things start moving fast for you with that. It's a lovely image, if that's OK to say?
Warm hugs,
jitterbug