My Story of Abuse

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei

1000miles
Member
Posts: 450
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:19 am

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by 1000miles »

Hi juliewr,

So sorry to hear of what happened to you. Echoing others in saying that there is no way any child could ever deserve such treatment. It's a crime to treat a child that way. I agree with you in thinking that the punishment itself counts as sexual abuse. I just want to be another voice telling you that this was not your fault, in case it helps to hear it from a lot of people. Your story makes me feel sad for you and anger toward your parents.

So sorry to hear about your niece's abuse. There's nothing at all positive about that, but I'm glad she has a safe haven with you. Have you considered intervention, such as perhaps reporting your niece's abuse to authorities who might be able to step in and help prevent it from going further? Obviously I don't know the whole situation--just a thought, in case it's useful.

Wishing you peace and healing.

1000miles
Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 16128
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Jonesy »

Hi juliewr

I am sorry to read that your niece is currently being abused by her mother and grandparents. I urge you to step up and report this for the safety and wellbeing of that child. Please email me if there is anything I can do to help.
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
Xanthia
Member
Posts: 3094
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:20 am

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia »

Hi juliewr,

Welcome to iSurvive.

Thank you for sharing such painful memories.

Please, do your best to have 3D assistance for both yourself and your niece.

What you describe is NOT what I'd call loving discipline by any means. Abuse definitely occurred and is happening in your family.

May you have the strength to help your niece as well as the self caring to seek counselling for yourself.

Warm regards,
Xanthia
juliewr
Member
Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by juliewr »

Where it gets hard with my niece is that, well, it involves her butt. I don't even know if this makes sense, but it is awkward to talk about with her in any way. My sister, her mom, was spanked harshly just like me growing up. It is all she knows because she has yet to leave my parents house. I didn't know that all kids and teenagers weren't beaten that way until I left my parents house. My nice knows nothing different either.

So, here is a situation and I don't know the right thing to do. A few weeks ago my niece went with my kids to the pool. We had a great day. At some point when she got out of the water I happened to be looking in that direction while her bathing suit bottom happened to "ride up". In the second it took her to adjust it I saw what I know from my own experience is a fading bruise from the belt. One other time only, when she was maybe 8 or 9, she changed clothes in the same room I was in and I saw some marks on her butt. What do I do with that? I don't want to tell her to show me her butt, that would be awkward. I know when I was her age, 11 now, I would have died inside if anybody asked me about spankings. I know they happen because my sister and parents talk about giving them to her.

I just don't know what to do for her in that regard.

Thank you all for your support. I know that it is an odd situation, not many families seemed to spank to the extend mine did to in the late teens like mine did. I have dozens of "memories" built up inside of them and I just am not sure the right outlet.
1000miles
Member
Posts: 450
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:19 am

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by 1000miles »

Hi juliewr,

Understanding that the circumstances are complicated and awkward. I have to guess that it would be better for your niece in the long run to go through the awkwardness of talking about the abuse, rather than to keep suffering it for years. Turning it around in childhood, if possible, would give her a chance to live out the remainder of her formative years in a safe environment. That's incredibly valuable for her long-term health. Adults should protect her in any way possible.

One idea might be to talk to the child/family services people--whoever the "authorities" are in your area--and share your concerns with them. I mean tell them you want to avoid causing embarrassment and shame for your niece, but you also want to protect her from being abused. They may be able to offer some specific advice or help. Perhaps they'd talk with you on anonymous terms at first, so you wouldn't have to commit until you had a plan you felt comfortable with.

1000miles
Harmony
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 7561
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Harmony »

Dear julie,

If it were me I'd call and ask to remain anonymous and report the bruise to child protection services. This is nothing to fool around. You were profoundly hurt by these people and they haven't stopped. If you can gain niece's confidence maybe you can get her to disclose to you what is going on. Please feel free to stop in and talk here for support for yourself. I will sit and listen no matter what you chose to do. This is your life and your family. You get to make your own moves now as an adult.

I hop you feel supported and cared about here. You matter to us here on this site. Lots of folks are pulling for you.

with care,
Harmony
juliewr
Member
Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 10:24 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by juliewr »

My niece is staying with is this weekend while my sister works and my parents are away. I am hoping to have the courage to talk to her.
Last edited by Jonesy on Mon Sep 11, 2017 9:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT
Xanthia
Member
Posts: 3094
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:20 am

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Xanthia »

Hi juliewr,

Sounds positive. Yes, you're right, it will take courage .... And patience, understanding and gentle loving. May you have everything necessary both within you and supportive people around.

If your niece attends school, I wonder whether students discuss matters of private nature? If so, that could be a useful starting point in that classmates probably don't all have similar home experience.

School could also be an ally in that abuse needs to be addressed by educational institutions. There might be resources such as DVDs or articles to explain the difference between friendly family banter and abuse for example.

How is your relationship with your sister? I understand she is apparently unconcerned.

I really hope that it all works out positively for everyone involved. Please take support from iSurvive with you.
Xanthia
1000miles
Member
Posts: 450
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:19 am

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by 1000miles »

Hi juliewr,

Pulling for you and your niece.

1000miles
Harmony
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 7561
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: My Story of Abuse

Post by Harmony »

Dear juliewr,

Probably the best things you can do for openers are to remain calm, gentle and supportive. If you can offer her a listening ear and a safe place to talk that would be a great start. I think anything confrontational would backfire. She needs to know you are a safe person. Think how much you needed one. I bet you know exactly how she feels. Start from your heart not your head. You can do this courageous step.

cheering you on,
Harmony
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