How grateful I am to have this place to
DUMP THE GARBAGE and renew myself by
LETTING GO, once and for all! Today is such a day...
My 28 yr. old grandson is getting married. He was born here, and as soon as he was born, my son and his girlfriend came to live with me. When he was 4 months old, the other side of the family kidnapped him without my son's knowledge or approval and sent him out of state to his great uncle on the other side of the family "who wanted to adopt", and these monsters figured that they had a right to do that!
"Oh, this will solve everything!", they thought. These people had already been turned down by every adoption agency for SOME reason (?), but if they could just snatch him away, who would be the wiser? (
I WOULD!!!!! BECAUSE HE IS
MY GRANDSON!! Not just "a kid to adopt"!!! HE IS
FAMILY TO ME!!!) I contacted the district attorney who forced them to bring him back down here immediately, and they did grudgingly. We went to court and got custody for my son (since
no one had legal custody of my GS until that time - and when in court "bio-mom" said that she wanted nothing to do with my GS) and so he lived with us for the next 2½ yrs. He even called me "Mom" half the time since my other kids did (DS 3yrs. difference, DD 13 yrs. difference in age). And he was my "cuddle bug".
He was like my own.
But the monsters did NOT just give up easily. They were backed with BIG MONEY from the matriarch of the family (
bio-"GREAT GM"), whose late husband WAS a pedophile
and child abuser of both
son, the potential adopter of my GRANDSON!!
AND the
daughter, the BIO-GM! She, in turn, physically abused my GS's bio-mom in the most horrific ways imaginable, leaving her with deep scars on her arms from boiling water burns and other things too horrible to repeat! (The entire family is just one big tale of terrible and disgusting abuse!!)
The
bio-"GREAT GF" had left the widow with a pile of cash in the millions from excellent liquidated real estate deals. Me? I was about 5 yrs. on the job, clawing my way up from welfare through hard work while still living in a barrio (Mexican ghetto), but
determined to keep my GS in the family and keep us all united!!
They had an attorney who was related to the judge; I had just me, and no attorney. I still managed to keep them at bay for 2½ yrs!
So many court appointed 'so-and-sos', even psychological testing for me AND my GS. But the other side had million$ behind them, 2 jobs, were presented as a married couple, and were homeowners (which I became, too, but not for 7 more yrs.), but they were not a HAPPILY married couple, so who was "in the best interest" of my GS?? Of course, that was NEVER brought up during the MANY court proceedings, nor did the "couple" ever show up at even ONE court hearing!! No, that was the matriarch!! (SO EVIL, that woman!!!) During that time, I used to burst into tears as I drove my bus and tried mightily to hide from my passengers that I was sobbing!
I loved my grandson to the ends of the earth and was more than willing to fight for him!!!!!
But I finally saw the need to hire my
own attorney, and that attorney gave me a "Sophie's Choice" - choose my GS and keep fighting, although I was assured by him, my OWN attorney, that I would end up losing,
OR choose to continue to care for my own children who needed me and who I was bound to protect and support. He even told me how they'd do it: they'd keep me missing work (into bankruptcy and the loss of my job if needs be!!) by consistently asking for "continuances" and then CANCELLING THEM, one after another, and another, until I hollered "uncle" and quit fighting. CHECKMATE!! I could even lose my OWN children in the process!! And I wept bitterly in his office because I could see that he was right, but that was not the worst of it. They then forced me to be the one who delivered my grandson into the hands of these ruthless monsters at the airport, with me knowing that he'd be gone forever, but not him; he had NO IDEA of the transfer that was happening. His adoption "mom" met us there (she FINALLY showed up in our area) and cooed to him, "Would YOU like to go to [their state]??" And he nodded happily and said, "Uh-huh!" But it was like she was saying, "Would you like to go to Disneyland?" or "Go pet the goats?" But I knew how
final it would be, and she took his hand and left as I fought the tears from showing. Then I fell apart, awash in tears, right at the airport!
She'd given me a small gift-wrapped box in my hand as she left with my little beloved "cuddle bug" in tow. I unwrapped it in the car. It was a tiny gold charm for a pendant, and it said "
#1 GRANDMA". OMG!!!
WHAT???? I
PROMPTLY threw it out the window of my moving car, never to be seen again!!!
Besides,
MY name was
Grammy, NOT "GRANDMA"!! Idiots!! And it wasn't much of a "trade" in my opinion!!!!!
(My grandson for their trinket!)
Well, they "got" their "child" to raise. And I lost my grandchild...well, kinda. I am tenacious, if nothing else!
We (DD, DS, and I) would make the 12 hr. drive/pilgramage and go up to see him periodically, even spending the night at their house (the promised "open adoption"). But I never felt welcome, and I felt that they wished I would just go away and allow them their fantasy of being "mom and dad". I could
see that they were ill-prepared to raise as strong a personality as my GS! They got him braces for his teeth and a diamond earring for his ear, but whenever he would slightly "buck", they would rush him to first the T, and then to the local psychiatric ward!!!
THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY RAMBUNCTIOUS GS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The "parents" would allow him to
HIT THEM whenever he wanted to, but then complain that he was "violent" and/or "out of control"! (When he was about 8 [with the earring in place already!
], he attempted to hit me
ONCE and DD
ONCE when we were seated at a restaurant, and we each warned him
STRONGLY to
NEVER EVER EVER do that again! That it was
NOT ALLOWED!!! And he never even
attempted it again!!!)
As a teenager, he attempted suicide
several times, and his "mom" eventually reached out to me to help him, but he had already been locked up in a psych ward (for the umpteenth time!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and was not allowed outside input. I was a nobody. They constantly gave him strong drugs all through his childhood and adulthood. It was a mess. He was like a rudderless ship!! Then he called me on the phone (YAY GS!!!!
) AND informed me that he'd found his way through the Catholic church! OK. Whatever floats your boat. AND he was planning to become a
CLOISTERED MONK in {location removed}, I think. "Are you
sure, Sweetie?" He said he was, but I had my doubts. Before he could go, however, ♥♥he met a girl♥♥.
And she's VERY nice (he brought her here last summer), and he loves her, AND they're both Catholic and VERY into the church. They will be married in the Catholic church in July and he sounds SO HAPPY!!
OH HAPPY DAY!!!! As is so often the case, life has brought us FULL CIRCLE!!
My DGS is happy again! And he is a BIG boy now! And he wants us at the wedding! Nothing could hold me back!!!
I was invited to the wedding (AND reception!
) as an honored guest (HIS GRAMMY!!!), as is my oldest son (my GS's bio-dad) and his wife (who I refused to see last summer, BUT felt bad about it afterwards and look forward to having the chance to correct that), the old crone that fought me tooth and nail for custody of my GS, and even the bio-mom who repeatedly abandoned him. It's precisely why I'm dumping it here and now and LEAVING IT ALONE after this! If I need to gripe, I'll just re-read this and LET IT GO AGAIN until it's all gone!!
I don't need to carry this around anymore.
GS is happy and content with his new bride-to-be, and isn't that the bottom line? Besides, I promised him, "No fist fights at the wedding!"
(And if I see one break out, I'm tippy-toeing towards the door...
FAST!!
)
GS and fiance called this morning to ask for my oldest son's address and phone number so he could also be invited, too. I hope to hell that oldest son goes to the wedding! But even if it was a totally empty church except for the rotten ADOPTION CREW, I'd still go...
and behave myself! Dearest GS deserves it! I'll be a proper lady. And at least MD won't be there!
One down, many to go!
My DS will be going, too, and no one loves me like he does or is more protective of me!! So I have some backup. This will be tense...or maybe not. Who knows? I'll be needing an entire outfit to wear, from the shoes up, and to do something with my hair. You guys don't know what a big deal that will be for me! And how difficult! Even sleeping somewhere other than my own bed! But GS asked that we get a hotel NOW due to some big sports deal up there on that weekend. So I did, booked it, and THEN found a room cheaper, bigger, and with a river view and balcony, but that one is NOT refundable IF we book it! I'll wait until DS wakes up and then ask him what to do. OH! And since her family is VEGAN and WE are Keto, and others the Standard American Diet (SAD), they have decided to have a buffet! BRILLIANT!! I'll fast in the morning (with maybe a swig of HWC or bacon and eggs at Denny's or something) and select meats and veggies at the buffet! Then make the drive home in the dark (and cool - it's going to be July, after all!! 100ºF MINIMUM in the daytime!!!) Planned right and viewed right, this could actually be FUN!
I have to keep telling myself: this is the BRIDE'S day, not mine!!!! How I look
doesn't matter; no one will care if
I'm a fashion plate or not! Well groomed is good enough. (And comfortable counts, too!
) I am Grammy, coming to my GS's wedding. He will be happy if I am just there...and cause no fist fights.
(I won't!)
I'd better get some sleep now. My new raspberries (yellow and red) and two kinds of blueberries have arrived along with an Asian pear tree (a Hosui - Japanese) plus I have some bamboo shoot chopping to do. I may also plant some tomatoes tomorrow...and basil, too? All are waiting on me to get them planted, so...I'm off to bed now.
♥ Thank you all ♥ for being here and listening!
It really helps to know you're there.
Honeybera