Letting go
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Re: Letting go
Hello Honeybera
Thank you for sharing some background to your mother - makes some kind of warped sense of her behaviour, but which is inexcusable for how she treated you
Really great to know how your WOE is changing many aspects positively
Reparenting a la your Grandparents is wonderful for your whole being
May you and son enjoy this Easter weekend
Much caring
Thank you for sharing some background to your mother - makes some kind of warped sense of her behaviour, but which is inexcusable for how she treated you
Really great to know how your WOE is changing many aspects positively
Reparenting a la your Grandparents is wonderful for your whole being
May you and son enjoy this Easter weekend
Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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Re: Letting go
Hey Fleur! Yes, that's the decision I've come to as well. What she did was absolutely inexcusable, but it's water under the bridge now, and for me to continue to relive it doesn't do me any good. It's resolved as well as it can be, and now it's time to MOVE ON!! It may be a bit late in the game for me, but better late than never. I've been dealing with this for some 7 decades! I'm slowly turning away from what happened to me in the past and how unfair it was (and it WAS!) and how I've suffered (and I HAVE!), but I have a pretty wonderful life now, and why (I ask myself) am I still wasting my time and my life dwelling on ancient history that will not and cannot change?? I still need to do a nip and tuck whenever one of those nasty "turds of memory" floats to the top of my punch bowl. To remove it, I usually turn here and share it with all of you and then LEAVE IT HERE - OR - as I did last night, turn to dear Pete Walker and his book (C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving) and read his wise and wonderful words and LET IT GO there!
I believe that the trick here is to (unbelievably!) FORGIVE. And not just MD, but the whole shebang, including myself! To do that, I had to figure out what it meant to forgive. I'm so glad that I named this thread Letting Go. To me, that is forgiveness. Just open up my hand and let it go! The tighter that I held on to the old pain and shame, the harder it was to forgive, both MD and myself. For me, what happens is that I'm getting into my own life now and enjoying the strides that I'm making rather than dwelling on what a sick individual like MD did to me. I happened to be assigned to such a mother, but I've somehow "risen above my raising", as Dr. Phil puts it. I am blessed with intelligence (no matter what MD thinks!) and a pension and the empowering knowledge of how to get out of this "chronic illness" situation. And my 31 strawberry plants are about to blossom (I even already have a few green strawberries!) and my citrus trees are FULL of buds about to burst open! My peach trees look great! How can I be depressed about ancient history now? All of you have the story. It's on the internet, for Pete's sake! So what should I do? Constantly mourn my sad and abusive childhood? Or revel in the joy of a blossoming garden?
My goal is happiness. I choose the garden!! And in fact, I'm about to go do that right now! I have some massive weedeating to do out there, especially in the dog's yard. Lots of dreaded foxtails are emerging with plump seed heads that the dogs are allergic to and that can dry out and then go up their noses - NOT good!! So I need to mow them down and mulch them with straw for the health and well-being and comfort of my precious pups!
Oh! Also going to get my lab tests done today (a fasting a1c for diabetes!!) because I have a doctor's appt. on Thursday!! We'll see just how well this WOE is working! I could not be more excited! I want to get OFF Metformin (diabetic medication) NOW! It may not spike my insulin levels, BUT it does cause an increase my heart attack risk by 61% and I want OFF of it!! I've never been so ready for a doctor's appt!! My blood sugars are at 146 this morning (fasting) - but that is NOT my insulin levels which is what counts when dealing with Insulin Resistance. That takes an entirely different test, and I'm going to discuss it with my doctor, who is a geriatric endocrinologist. PERFECT! If he doesn't "get this", I don't know who would.
And DS is building my "storage room" shelves. One is completely assembled and is in my hallway (too tall to fit into the room just yet - but we do have a solution). We are also going to the sporting goods store today to get him a stand for his body bag (that I bought for him YEARS ago - like maybe 10?) so he can assemble that (he's SO good at it!!), place his body bag on the stand out in the garage (encouraging us to clean it out) and use it for 'letting off steam' and practicing his martial arts. Great workout for him! He is thrilled!! We're finally doing it!!!!
OH! And I'm going to our local neighborhood Sprouts grocery store (whole foods/organic/etc) today (FIRST TIME EVER!) to buy some nice grass fed marrow soup bones to make a big pot of DEEEE-LICIOUS Bone Broth! I made it before with regular beef soup bones (+ veggies and spices and salt + apple cider vinegar + a bay leaf for flavor), but since I'm rendering all the nutrients from the bones + gelatin, the whole point of doing that is to get healthy nutrients, not from contaminated beef that are grain fed and given antibiotics and who knows what, so I'm going GRASS FED! It's only $3.99 (NOT on sale), so it's affordable. I make the Bone Broth in my Instant Pot pressure cooker. It's quick and easy to do, and it tastes great. I got the recipe online by googling it. I was really surprised! I'm a believer! It really cuts the appetite! I will probably start having a cuppa in the evening. It's extremely low carb, zero I think. And YUMMY!
Well, I'd better get at those horrible weeds now. My dogs are counting on me!
Honeybera
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Re: Letting go
Hey Everybody! I just thought that I'd share my day with you...it was something!
The weather is STELLAR out here today. I went to get my a1c et al, but the phlebotomist was HORRIBLE!! She tried to poke my arm near my elbow - no luck, but LOTS of digging around and pain. So I offered my hand (the usual spot with my amount of weight), but again: NO LUCK. Barely a trickle! And she needed 6 vials! So she got her supervisor, who was *finally* able to do it. (They seemed to BLAME *ME*!! "Your veins are flat! Are you staying hydrated??!")
It was weird, but invigorating being up that early (7am) - AND being up in the first place at that hour, dressed in something other than a muu-muu, and in the car and going places, but I sure did. It's 1pm now and I'm just getting home. My first stop was the lab at the doctor's offices. The parking is horrifying!! And that was the case this morning at 8am when I got there. There were HUGE oversized pickups and Urban Assault Vehicles (those BIG BIG BIG SUVs!!), and they were parked in the handicap spaces (with NO placards!), taking two of the spaces for each vehicle, and they parked in the "compact cars" spaces as well! There's never any parking there...EVER. It's just awful! When I came out from the lab, some car had moved WAY over from the monster pickup that was parked next to him and that made the space between our cars only a 10-11" clearance for me to open my door and get into my car! I had this happen before, and I just had to wait for the offender to come out and MOVE his car so I could get in! I tried and tried to get into my car, but couldn't because I was just too big in the belly back then.
Well, today was ALL DIFFERENT! At first, thinking that it was just too small a space for me to get into the driver's side, I got into the passenger's side, thinking I could manage to crawl over the center divide, but I'm still either too old of too fat to do that at this time. In frustration, I decided to at least try the driver's side entrance, SQUEEEEEEZED my body sideways past the door and into my seat, feeling my stomach give way in the process (no pain, it just folded!), and I WAS IN!!! I said out loud, "OH MY GOD! I CAN'T WAIT TO SHARE THIS MIRACLE WITH EVERYONE ON isurvive!!"
Then I went to our local whole foods store. I got some grass fed beef bones for some yummy bone broth that I'll make tonight, and I had the butcher make me some custom ground pork with extra fat (the butcher put a little smiley face on it!) to make homemade SUGAR FREE sausage patties because all breakfast sausage has sugar and preservatives in it , and a pound of nice *fresh* lovely pecan halves (to make "candied" SF pecans as a treat or muffin topper) and some SF Dutch chocolate powder. Happy times!!! I'm getting some really positive results from all this ketogenic WOE and fasting. And now the doctor will have today's test results on Thursday. Oh, BTW, my blood sugars were 134 last night. WOWEE!!!
Anyway, after I got back into my car, I FINALLY made the adjustment of my steering wheel, which was blocking my vision of the road somewhat (I'm so darned short! but was so fat before that I had to block it somewhat because of my stomach), AND THAT WORKED, TOO! NSV #2!!! Nice clear view of the road now! And no cutting into my stomach or having my stomach make turning difficult. Nope, I've got some clearance now, about an inch!! YAY!!!
I drove (happily and safely!) over to get those 8 untrimmed tri-tips (DS's favorite so far, except for frozen burgers with cheese and bacon on them) since the store ran out of tri-tips last night when we went over and got the avocados, salads, and so on. The tri-tips were only $2.25/lb. Gotta love that store! I also found some ZERO CARB string cheese (2 flavors: cheddar and mozzarella, good for slicing into cubes for salads or pizza and/or topping off dinner for extra calories to avoid hunger later).
Then I went to the hardware/gardening store...for some rosemary and more fish emulsion. BUT I ended up getting my birdbath (FINALLY!! Had my eye on it for years now.) to fill with birdseed. The birds are used to the water birdbath already, but I'm putting the seeds on the ground ATM and it panics them every time the dogs walk by...naturally. This was the last birdbath of this kind that they had and it had a little tiny bit of dings on it, but it's very deep and wide, GREAT for putting wild bird seed in it! I asked the manager for a discount, and she gave me $30 off the original $109.00 price! So $79.00!!! OMG, YES!! I'll take it! love So DS and I are about to take the pickup and go over to pick up his new body bag stand and then go pick up my new birdbath (can't use the car for that)!! WHOOPEE!!!
I also got some peppers (purple, green, pepperoncini [100 to 500 Scoville heat units] and jalapeño peppers), one orange tomato and one Beefmaster (? I think...), cucumbers (burpless and non-GMO), tarragon, thyme, and 2 lovely fushias for underneath the new "seed" birdbath in pots in the quiet shade and right next to my WOW. How pleasant is that!? I even got some marigolds (mixed colors! so pretty!) to go into the pots with the tomatoes in them. But I still need some rosemary since they were out ATM.
I'm going to just CLEAR the sideboard in my Hobby Room directly in front of my Food Saver so I can put away those 8 tri-tips, all nicely vacuum sealed. I need DS to FINALLY put back in my shelves (some broke when I was working and living at the RV most of the time), but that was years ago. It's a part of the house that needs organization that I have not done in the last 17 yrs. since moving here. But it is all slowly taking shape, one chore at a time.
I'd better get moving now. I have LOTS to do! (At least I'm never bored!) Listening to all the videos on Keto/IF I'm finding out that I don't have to exercise or move much, but just doing normal day-to-day tasks and chores (and gardening!) will suffice! And as an extra bonus, I'll have a really nice yard to view out my WOW! And veggies and berries to eat! Perfect! I am so blessed! And how nice to feel thusly and be able to deeply experience my many blessings without that old nagging fear of reprisal.
For all the troubles from my childhood, if this is how my story ends up, I AM SATISFIED! It's all in my own hands now to make the choice to be happy or to dwell on the sadness, and that is SO empowering for me! MD is losing her power over me by the day!! I have all the control, and I had to allow myself to do that by first forgiving myself, then MD (NOT saying what she did to me was right NOR did I say to myself that she was deserving forgiveness - I forgave her for MYSELF, NOT HER!!!), and then came the POWER over my own life. I could not have done this without "letting go" on this site!
{{{{{{{♥ALL OF YOU!!!!♥}}}}}}}}
Honeybera
The weather is STELLAR out here today. I went to get my a1c et al, but the phlebotomist was HORRIBLE!! She tried to poke my arm near my elbow - no luck, but LOTS of digging around and pain. So I offered my hand (the usual spot with my amount of weight), but again: NO LUCK. Barely a trickle! And she needed 6 vials! So she got her supervisor, who was *finally* able to do it. (They seemed to BLAME *ME*!! "Your veins are flat! Are you staying hydrated??!")
It was weird, but invigorating being up that early (7am) - AND being up in the first place at that hour, dressed in something other than a muu-muu, and in the car and going places, but I sure did. It's 1pm now and I'm just getting home. My first stop was the lab at the doctor's offices. The parking is horrifying!! And that was the case this morning at 8am when I got there. There were HUGE oversized pickups and Urban Assault Vehicles (those BIG BIG BIG SUVs!!), and they were parked in the handicap spaces (with NO placards!), taking two of the spaces for each vehicle, and they parked in the "compact cars" spaces as well! There's never any parking there...EVER. It's just awful! When I came out from the lab, some car had moved WAY over from the monster pickup that was parked next to him and that made the space between our cars only a 10-11" clearance for me to open my door and get into my car! I had this happen before, and I just had to wait for the offender to come out and MOVE his car so I could get in! I tried and tried to get into my car, but couldn't because I was just too big in the belly back then.
Well, today was ALL DIFFERENT! At first, thinking that it was just too small a space for me to get into the driver's side, I got into the passenger's side, thinking I could manage to crawl over the center divide, but I'm still either too old of too fat to do that at this time. In frustration, I decided to at least try the driver's side entrance, SQUEEEEEEZED my body sideways past the door and into my seat, feeling my stomach give way in the process (no pain, it just folded!), and I WAS IN!!! I said out loud, "OH MY GOD! I CAN'T WAIT TO SHARE THIS MIRACLE WITH EVERYONE ON isurvive!!"
Then I went to our local whole foods store. I got some grass fed beef bones for some yummy bone broth that I'll make tonight, and I had the butcher make me some custom ground pork with extra fat (the butcher put a little smiley face on it!) to make homemade SUGAR FREE sausage patties because all breakfast sausage has sugar and preservatives in it , and a pound of nice *fresh* lovely pecan halves (to make "candied" SF pecans as a treat or muffin topper) and some SF Dutch chocolate powder. Happy times!!! I'm getting some really positive results from all this ketogenic WOE and fasting. And now the doctor will have today's test results on Thursday. Oh, BTW, my blood sugars were 134 last night. WOWEE!!!
Anyway, after I got back into my car, I FINALLY made the adjustment of my steering wheel, which was blocking my vision of the road somewhat (I'm so darned short! but was so fat before that I had to block it somewhat because of my stomach), AND THAT WORKED, TOO! NSV #2!!! Nice clear view of the road now! And no cutting into my stomach or having my stomach make turning difficult. Nope, I've got some clearance now, about an inch!! YAY!!!
I drove (happily and safely!) over to get those 8 untrimmed tri-tips (DS's favorite so far, except for frozen burgers with cheese and bacon on them) since the store ran out of tri-tips last night when we went over and got the avocados, salads, and so on. The tri-tips were only $2.25/lb. Gotta love that store! I also found some ZERO CARB string cheese (2 flavors: cheddar and mozzarella, good for slicing into cubes for salads or pizza and/or topping off dinner for extra calories to avoid hunger later).
Then I went to the hardware/gardening store...for some rosemary and more fish emulsion. BUT I ended up getting my birdbath (FINALLY!! Had my eye on it for years now.) to fill with birdseed. The birds are used to the water birdbath already, but I'm putting the seeds on the ground ATM and it panics them every time the dogs walk by...naturally. This was the last birdbath of this kind that they had and it had a little tiny bit of dings on it, but it's very deep and wide, GREAT for putting wild bird seed in it! I asked the manager for a discount, and she gave me $30 off the original $109.00 price! So $79.00!!! OMG, YES!! I'll take it! love So DS and I are about to take the pickup and go over to pick up his new body bag stand and then go pick up my new birdbath (can't use the car for that)!! WHOOPEE!!!
I also got some peppers (purple, green, pepperoncini [100 to 500 Scoville heat units] and jalapeño peppers), one orange tomato and one Beefmaster (? I think...), cucumbers (burpless and non-GMO), tarragon, thyme, and 2 lovely fushias for underneath the new "seed" birdbath in pots in the quiet shade and right next to my WOW. How pleasant is that!? I even got some marigolds (mixed colors! so pretty!) to go into the pots with the tomatoes in them. But I still need some rosemary since they were out ATM.
I'm going to just CLEAR the sideboard in my Hobby Room directly in front of my Food Saver so I can put away those 8 tri-tips, all nicely vacuum sealed. I need DS to FINALLY put back in my shelves (some broke when I was working and living at the RV most of the time), but that was years ago. It's a part of the house that needs organization that I have not done in the last 17 yrs. since moving here. But it is all slowly taking shape, one chore at a time.
I'd better get moving now. I have LOTS to do! (At least I'm never bored!) Listening to all the videos on Keto/IF I'm finding out that I don't have to exercise or move much, but just doing normal day-to-day tasks and chores (and gardening!) will suffice! And as an extra bonus, I'll have a really nice yard to view out my WOW! And veggies and berries to eat! Perfect! I am so blessed! And how nice to feel thusly and be able to deeply experience my many blessings without that old nagging fear of reprisal.
For all the troubles from my childhood, if this is how my story ends up, I AM SATISFIED! It's all in my own hands now to make the choice to be happy or to dwell on the sadness, and that is SO empowering for me! MD is losing her power over me by the day!! I have all the control, and I had to allow myself to do that by first forgiving myself, then MD (NOT saying what she did to me was right NOR did I say to myself that she was deserving forgiveness - I forgave her for MYSELF, NOT HER!!!), and then came the POWER over my own life. I could not have done this without "letting go" on this site!
{{{{{{{♥ALL OF YOU!!!!♥}}}}}}}}
Honeybera
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Re: Letting go
A truly wonderfully positive post to read Honeybera. Thank you for sharing.
Much caring
Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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Re: Letting go
It's from my heart. And thank you. So nice to have praise. It's how I really feel these days. It's like the "brain fog" is clearing. I had no idea that a slight change in my diet would bring on such a change in me and my thinking.
Tonight's menu: rotisseried tri-tip with a nice spicy rub, all prepared by my DS (he's getting really good at it!) and a cauliflower and triple cheese casserole topped with a ½ lb. of bacon (by me). It's in the oven now, so I'm having an avocado-tomato-havarti-cheese-cube salad right now while waiting to "break my fast" before my actual dinner. I haven't eaten all day yet. My first 24 hour fast! Hunger level? "I could eat." Wow. How I love this WOE!! I'm actually beginning to BELIEVE that I'll finally be done with the harsh stigma of obesity. Thirty years ago I used to be a smoker, too, and this is how the beginning of that felt. Tomorrow is my doctor's appt. I hope that is all positive, too. (Fingers crossed!!) I know it has to be sort of good because my belly is shrinking and so are my arms and legs and butt and back. So that must account for some pounds, right? And I can sit in the driver's seat with room to spare (not much, but some - and that never was the case before). I've got to learn to have faith in this WOE. If it doesn't work, what will I do??
Wish me luck!
Honeybera
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Re: Letting go
I do wish you luck Honeybera, but I doubt you'll need it, as you are making your own luck and good fortune
Day by day, you are noticing differences in what you can or cannot manage, as well as making changes to your property both inside and out
May your Dr choose to reduce or omit metformin (however the beastly med is spelt!) Due to ongoing within normal levels from pathology results. I suppose you shall show Dr the evidence of your daily log?
Great that your son is learning healthier cooking styles - such a basic to life accomplishment yet not everyone knows how to put together meals from "scratch"
How are the birds liking the new style of eating - or isn't the bird feeder set up at the moment?
Wishing you, your son and dogs a lovely day
Much caring
Day by day, you are noticing differences in what you can or cannot manage, as well as making changes to your property both inside and out
May your Dr choose to reduce or omit metformin (however the beastly med is spelt!) Due to ongoing within normal levels from pathology results. I suppose you shall show Dr the evidence of your daily log?
Great that your son is learning healthier cooking styles - such a basic to life accomplishment yet not everyone knows how to put together meals from "scratch"
How are the birds liking the new style of eating - or isn't the bird feeder set up at the moment?
Wishing you, your son and dogs a lovely day
Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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Re: Letting go
hb,
reading your latest.
Your determination and commitment are really paying off!
Thanks for inspiring those in me.
reading your latest.
Your determination and commitment are really paying off!
Thanks for inspiring those in me.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
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Re: Letting go
Wow! Coming here, sharing with you, I know that I am among friends! Bless you for that! It brings tears to my eyes to hear your kind and inspiring comments! Thank you for being here! You make such a difference, you really do.
I am trying to not make this a recipe-giving, Keto/IF WOE-exclusive dialog, but it has become such an important part of my life and is indeed life-saving in my case. Day by day, I am able to let go of my food since the high fat diet completely lets me fast without hunger. It's amazing! Also amazing is my weight loss - and my doctor's visit went VERY well! I've gone from an a1c of 7.1 to 6.8!!! At 6.5 I'd be considered NOT diabetic (only PRE-diabetic!) AND I've lost 10 more pounds!!!! I can't argue with results like that!!
Then I'll plant this stuff that I've been buying, everything from chives to basil to salvia (for the hummingbirds and bees) to my TOMATOES and peppers, and I may even poke a squash seed or two into a SmartPot. On their way as of yesterday, I even have 2 varieties of blueberries (both from the Bushel and Berry Company, "Pink Icing" and "Peach Sorbet" - don't those sound delicious?), and raspberries that are YELLOW (yes, yellow! - called "Anne") and RED (named "Raspberry Shortcake" YUM!), and one more Asian Pear tree ("Hoisu") which is like an apple-pear mix. ALL (but the tree, natch) will be planted in tubs and moved around the yard as needed until they appear to be happy, and then they will stay put.
And if delighting in my yard and using it as "exercise" and then eating a healthy meal of pan-fried meats and veggies and a homemade nut flour muffin causes me to lose weight and regain my health, well hell, even I can do that!! They keep saying to me on the videos: "Keep It Simple!" And it is. Super simple and downright FUN! So why the heck not?! It's healing me from the inside out!! YAY AND HUZZAH!!!
He apparently assumes that I have some sort of predisposition to diabetes, but at one point, I was up to 306.4 lbs. at least (in 2007)! Now I'm down to 261 lbs. and my numbers are falling! What makes that good is that I now have the answer (for me) as to how to REVERSE my weight down to something acceptable, so I will be able to keep it like that by following this WOE indefinitely. No problems with that! Fat on the meat, skin on the chicken, and even Fathead pizza made only with nuts, eggs, and cheese (but it tastes like the real thing! As do so many of my recipes!!!). I just want to make sure that my old Dr. is in my corner in this fight of and for my life before abandoning the new Dr. It's a big decision.
(BTW, I can't just spray it inside the garage because we have T in there at night for the time being. So tomorrow I'm going to open up the garage door and shut the door out to the garden area, locking T outside on a lovely 80ºF day and allowing the new bird bath to dry after spraying it without her being exposed to the fumes. T is outside on most days anyway. Food and water are at my WOW so I can make sure she's eating and drinking. She's hanging in there, but is having small strokes, I think. I give her "pets" often. We are doing our best to make her last times good for her. She walks constantly, or more like mindless plodding along. But we are blessed to have her still with us, confused or not. ♥Love my old dog!!♥)
My only concern in feeding the birds is that, at night, the rats from next door come under the fence and eat the bird seed! I've seen them do it, but with it up so high and if I cover it at night, plus my dogs have access to my garden area now, I doubt that the rats will find it too appealing...I HOPE! But the jury is out, so...we'll see.
Good grief! It's 9:30pm and I have to eat! It's been a 24 hr. fast for me today. I'm not all that hungry, but I could eat something I guess. I have an avocado/tomato/onion salad made up already but got distracted by saying hello to you today. Maybe bacon and eggs with it? Or I might try a burger like DS has (with cheese, bacon, and my freshly made mayo)? Or mix them together. (YUM!!) And a muffin! So simple!!
Honeybera
I am trying to not make this a recipe-giving, Keto/IF WOE-exclusive dialog, but it has become such an important part of my life and is indeed life-saving in my case. Day by day, I am able to let go of my food since the high fat diet completely lets me fast without hunger. It's amazing! Also amazing is my weight loss - and my doctor's visit went VERY well! I've gone from an a1c of 7.1 to 6.8!!! At 6.5 I'd be considered NOT diabetic (only PRE-diabetic!) AND I've lost 10 more pounds!!!! I can't argue with results like that!!
Have I inspired you? WONDERFUL! I know that I'm feeling much more centered these days. If you can get anything out of what I'm writing, more power to you! You are welcomed to anything I say. I could not be more pleased that your determination and commitment are paying off for you, too. Keep it up, Kiddo!!
Oh, my dear old friend, thank you! It's like I've spewed out all the old toxic anger and angst and a new, fresh, cleansing breeze is wafting through me, healing me. This feels WAY BETTER than all the old MD garbage, but I needed to spew it out once and for all, and this is the place to do it, among friends.
That is true. Very true! There are things that I cannot change or manage, but for the things that I can change, I'm very willing to do so. I found out today that I need to be exercising more, not just jumping jacks or push-ups or a trip to the gym, but even gardening and taking one dog for a walk with me - so easy! And satisfying! I have been just sitting here in my computer chair and attempting to...THINK?!...my way through this. I realized today that my yard is not going to fix itself, no matter how much I stare at it and wish that it would! I also realized that I've been pondering this way for a long time, in fact, too long! So I got up and weed-ate (grammar?) my whole front yard for about an hour and a half, and I think I'll do the back yard in the morning. The weather is perfect out there and the foxtails are growing like...well, WEEDS!
Then I'll plant this stuff that I've been buying, everything from chives to basil to salvia (for the hummingbirds and bees) to my TOMATOES and peppers, and I may even poke a squash seed or two into a SmartPot. On their way as of yesterday, I even have 2 varieties of blueberries (both from the Bushel and Berry Company, "Pink Icing" and "Peach Sorbet" - don't those sound delicious?), and raspberries that are YELLOW (yes, yellow! - called "Anne") and RED (named "Raspberry Shortcake" YUM!), and one more Asian Pear tree ("Hoisu") which is like an apple-pear mix. ALL (but the tree, natch) will be planted in tubs and moved around the yard as needed until they appear to be happy, and then they will stay put.
And if delighting in my yard and using it as "exercise" and then eating a healthy meal of pan-fried meats and veggies and a homemade nut flour muffin causes me to lose weight and regain my health, well hell, even I can do that!! They keep saying to me on the videos: "Keep It Simple!" And it is. Super simple and downright FUN! So why the heck not?! It's healing me from the inside out!! YAY AND HUZZAH!!!
I may be able to go back to my old Dr. sometime in Sept. I do want to speak with him first and ask him some pointed questions re: my diabetes and meds, but I should go back and see him with an a1c of under 6.5 next time and I hope he'd be impressed by that and a weight loss from 285 down to 250? (Or more! I hope! ) I weighed in at 244 lbs. in 2010 when he took me off all diabetic meds, so maybe. I guess I am obviously determined, there, to reach my weight loss and "no more diabetes" goals. Current doctor's attitude: "You'll never be free of diabetes. Even if you lose weight, etc., if you gain it back, your diabetes WILL COME BACK. So give it a try if you really want to." Very lackluster attitude. Not too encouraging. And I already KNEW this. ANYONE who gets morbidly obese is running a HUGE risk of becoming diabetic - ANYONE!! Not just me!
He apparently assumes that I have some sort of predisposition to diabetes, but at one point, I was up to 306.4 lbs. at least (in 2007)! Now I'm down to 261 lbs. and my numbers are falling! What makes that good is that I now have the answer (for me) as to how to REVERSE my weight down to something acceptable, so I will be able to keep it like that by following this WOE indefinitely. No problems with that! Fat on the meat, skin on the chicken, and even Fathead pizza made only with nuts, eggs, and cheese (but it tastes like the real thing! As do so many of my recipes!!!). I just want to make sure that my old Dr. is in my corner in this fight of and for my life before abandoning the new Dr. It's a big decision.
He loves to cook both for himself and for me. Makes me happy! Just today he decided to do a slightly different WOE from mine, one that he's already doing (2 hamburger patties, fried, with two slices of zero carb cheese OR a fatty steak, tri-tip, or a pork chop). He's not a big supporter of veggies, whereas I love veggies (except kale...yet). So I heard of this new diet, the Carnivore Diet. It's really close to Keto, and he's interested in doing it that way with a bit of veggies of his choice thrown in on occasion. Ok. I'm good with that. I'm open to whatever way he wants to eat. Before this, he was VERY into the SAD diet (Standard American Diet) of soda pop, high fructose corn syrup , sugars of all kinds (huge bags of candy, GIANT tubs of ice cream or 6-8 individual Häagen-Dazs® bars or the equivalent per night, etc), all kinds of grains (ANYTHING made with wheat flour, corn, rice, you name it: cereal, cookies, and so on), fast food (as a regular meal, many times a day - most of his paychecks would go to this WOE!!!), so if he wants to eat Keto with me or vary it a little to only eat MEAT mainly but adding a little cauliflower, broccoli, and green beans with a homemade sugar free almond muffin made by Mom for dessert - well, heck YEAH!! Let's see how that goes for him. I'm finding that diet is very individual.
I'm going to be using a clear spray (used on aquariums and such) tomorrow morning to seal the slight damage on it that is just beginning to crack. No water will be put into it, so once dry, DS will heft it out to a spot just outside my Window on the World where I can easily view the birds eating happily. I'm leaving the other bird bath where it's at so I can see them drink as well. So nice. So pleasant. I'm being so good to myself. And to the birds!
(BTW, I can't just spray it inside the garage because we have T in there at night for the time being. So tomorrow I'm going to open up the garage door and shut the door out to the garden area, locking T outside on a lovely 80ºF day and allowing the new bird bath to dry after spraying it without her being exposed to the fumes. T is outside on most days anyway. Food and water are at my WOW so I can make sure she's eating and drinking. She's hanging in there, but is having small strokes, I think. I give her "pets" often. We are doing our best to make her last times good for her. She walks constantly, or more like mindless plodding along. But we are blessed to have her still with us, confused or not. ♥Love my old dog!!♥)
My only concern in feeding the birds is that, at night, the rats from next door come under the fence and eat the bird seed! I've seen them do it, but with it up so high and if I cover it at night, plus my dogs have access to my garden area now, I doubt that the rats will find it too appealing...I HOPE! But the jury is out, so...we'll see.
Good grief! It's 9:30pm and I have to eat! It's been a 24 hr. fast for me today. I'm not all that hungry, but I could eat something I guess. I have an avocado/tomato/onion salad made up already but got distracted by saying hello to you today. Maybe bacon and eggs with it? Or I might try a burger like DS has (with cheese, bacon, and my freshly made mayo)? Or mix them together. (YUM!!) And a muffin! So simple!!
Honeybera
Last edited by Ashia on Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed NT to MT for use of profanity
Reason: Changed NT to MT for use of profanity
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Re: Letting go
HB,
To me it looks like you're determined to take good care of yourself, of your living space and cherished garden. I'm working on growing parts of me who didn't get to develop in childhood. My inner child healing book has me plant something in a garden for every stage in the book I've completed.
My garden consists of a Zen sandbox approximately 12 by 6 inches. I "plant" pieces of collected beach glass, pretty little rocks I found, stickers, and more. And I'm inspired right now to move my 8 inch high birch tree to overlook a corner of the garden!
Okay, done! Tiny twinkle lights in the little birch tree have new batteries to run on! Oh, and there's little teddy bear who stays in the garden. It's a little 2 inch rhinestone teddy bear pendant. It was inspired by ...you!
My inner child plays with it. I'm rebuilding the border Wall of beach glass and stones with my little bear. Very New England!
Telling you about this give me such a warm feeling in my heart, HB.
To me it looks like you're determined to take good care of yourself, of your living space and cherished garden. I'm working on growing parts of me who didn't get to develop in childhood. My inner child healing book has me plant something in a garden for every stage in the book I've completed.
My garden consists of a Zen sandbox approximately 12 by 6 inches. I "plant" pieces of collected beach glass, pretty little rocks I found, stickers, and more. And I'm inspired right now to move my 8 inch high birch tree to overlook a corner of the garden!
Okay, done! Tiny twinkle lights in the little birch tree have new batteries to run on! Oh, and there's little teddy bear who stays in the garden. It's a little 2 inch rhinestone teddy bear pendant. It was inspired by ...you!
My inner child plays with it. I'm rebuilding the border Wall of beach glass and stones with my little bear. Very New England!
Telling you about this give me such a warm feeling in my heart, HB.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
I deserve better than survival.
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- Member
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Re: Letting go
So so so delighted for you, honeybera. As a morbidly obese woman with type 2 diabetes, I can relate to how horrible the struggle was every day. I am just so happy that you have found the thing that works for you and that you are in the right space to be able to move forward with this.
You go, Honeybera!!
With much warm support,
Jitterbug
You go, Honeybera!!
With much warm support,
Jitterbug