Letting go

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Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur »

Hello Honeybera


Thank you so much for sharing the bread made with almond flour ... I'll look online for the recipe, as it sounds so yummy

Kudos to your son for staying with the WOE . He must be very pleased with progress to forego the burger, etc, that he would have previously consumed

I have problems getting arms to back, so I've always done up a bra at the front, then moved it around to fit properly. It was great to read of your changes - to get your hands behind you is wonderful

Seems the pecking order has changed very quietly in your doggie world. Trust you'll get them vaccinated easily with help from your son

Here's to good sleeping patterns for us both


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hey Fleur and there! :mrgreen:
there wrote: Tue Feb 27, 2018 1:42 am Please tell me what 'NSVs" are?
NSV = Non Scale Victories. :mrgreen: aka Keto lingo. :lol: On this WOE, oftentimes you don't need a scale to determine if you're losing weight. You can SEE it or FEEL it to judge your success. My belly (and my son's, too) is shrinking noticeably AND the fat pad on my upper thigh is going away quickly. I can really see these differences in the shower. Clothes are fitting better, and once WAY too small clothing now fits (and son as well). I noticed the other day that I can reach both arms comfortably behind my back, which equals NO MORE UGLY FRONT CLOSING BRAS! YAY!! And every time I look in the mirror, I can SEE a new face looking back at me and I have to smile. :mrgreen: I sometimes pinch my MUCH smaller cheeks with joy. The fat on my face is apparently leaving, too, as is my upper arm fat. And each of these NSVs lighten my heart, and bring me happiness and confidence in my ability to change my own life. This is one of the best and most supportive things that has ever happened to me and I never want to mess it up...EVER!

So...those are examples of NSVs. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not afraid that I'll "go too far" IF I don't constantly weigh myself and become anorexic by accidentally slipping past the "ideal weight" in lbs. (or stones) for me and getting "too skinny". (FAT CHANCE! :lol: ) So no scale obsessing for me. And the NSVs satisfy the often overwhelming desire to know "if it's working". I can assure you: IT'S WORKING! And it becomes a trust issue eventually: do I trust this WOE or not? Sometimes it's difficult to trust without knowing for sure; plateaus are reached, weights can fluctuate even from different times during the day. So instead I embrace the NSVs with a gusto and remind myself that this is not a sprint, but a marathon!!

And so far, so good in running the first part of this marathon. :mrgreen:
there wrote: Tue Feb 27, 2018 1:42 am Great that your mayo do over came through!
I cannot tell you how important that was for me to overcome! ♥I LOVE MAYO!♥ It's the main ingredient in salads, tuna fish, deviled eggs, over broccoli and asparagus, in faux potato salad (made with cauliflower instead of potatoes)...can't live without it. Best Foods was always my favorite brand UNTIL ol' Butter Bob Briggs did a youtube video on it. :o It seems that ALL salad dressing contain the dreaded processed SOY products. He was right! And either soy or corn in some form is in EVERYTHING we eat! I even had trouble last night trying to find some FISH OIL capsules that didn't contain SOY!! I finally found ONE brand that specified NO SOY.

So due to all this kerfuffle, Best Foods is no longer something that I wish to use in my kitchen. So I watched Butter Bob's homemade mayo video where he made HIS mayo with light olive oil and lemon juice with Dijon mustard with his hand blender, and it looked so easy that I decided to make my own mayo, and found that it was SO EASY to do!! And the taste is out of this world! Two batches went perfectly, but on the third, I couldn't get it to be anything but soupy and oily. So, frustrated and dejected, I stuck it into the fridge (actually the very best thing to do to "fix" a broken mayo) and DS later offered to try his luck with it. It instantly whipped up into creamy wonderful mayonnaise! :|

OK, so after we ate all that mayo up, I tried, tried again! And guess what? Nothing but an oily MESS. AGAIN! So back into the fridge it went and I ran for my computer and LEARNED what the heck I was doing wrong! :roll: Come to find out, it was my TECHNIQUE that was all wrong. First you dump in the egg (whole or just the yolk, it doesn't matter), the lemon juice or ACV (apple cider vinegar), the Dijon mustard, a bit of water (opt), a pinch of salt (also opt), and then the olive oil on top, plunge that stick blender all the way down into this filled container that just fits the head of your stick/hand blender (wide mouth pint or quart canning jar?), leaving it securely at the bottom, and give it a whir without moving it up from the bottom and leave it there until you see it begin to turn white and mayo-like, then tip it gently, slowly incorporating the white mayo into the oil on top! (Also, the "bottom" ingredients - egg, lemon juice or ACV, mustard - should touch the blades of your stick blender - VERY IMPORTANT! If it doesn't, double the recipe.) Within seconds, you will have the yummiest mayonnaise EVER!! So my hard-won knowledge of this process of how mayo is CORRECTLY made should never dissuade me from making mayo again! :lol: ♥GOD BLESS THE INTERNET!!♥
Fleur wrote: Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:45 am Thank you so much for sharing the bread made with almond flour ... I'll look online for the recipe, as it sounds so yummy
Just look up Keto Fathead Dough and low carb MIMs. I'm trying an almond flour biscuit tonight: (Google: HomemadeHealthy youtube - cut and paste for the recipe) by Lisa Magary, one of my favorites. Do let me know what you try and if you like it.

I forgot to tell you all about one of my favorite NSVs, too: MY ARTHRITIS PAIN IN MY SHOULDER AND LOWER BACK IS GONE!!! And I believe that I did mention about how I can walk/stride like I did when I was younger! And my heart failure symptoms are gone, too! No more shortness of breath when I walk, no more wheezing. It's so amazing!!

One of the things that Butter Bob says is to Keep It Simple. I could not figure that out for some time, but it means simply that. Eat whole foods (meat, fish, poultry, veggies, nuts). Fry in lard, use butter, olive oil, but NO PROCESSED OILS, like CORN, canola, safflower, SOY, "vegetable", and so on. So a fried pork chop, steak, or piece of chicken is great! Make herb butters to melt on the meat or veggies. Oh YUM! I'm in love with this new Garlic Ghee I'm using on darned near everything, and I love my double cream and mayo. What's not to like on this WOE???

I remember the "old days" when food didn't have all these additives and GMOs. I remember when cake mixes came out after WWII and many other "just add water" foods and TV dinners, along with dishwashers, washer/dryers, refrigerator/freezers, and TVs. Soups in cans, Crisco (soy) and oleo (margarine), Jell-O, and so on. Now all that we eat is processed TO DEATH. Once thought to be "modern", I believe that we're seeing the end results of that "modernization". I was fed formula, but not the soy based stuff that's on the shelves now. I had a mixture of canned Carnation milk and Karo corn syrup as sweetener. I have pictures of myself on my grandmother's lap at about 18 mos. with huge rolls of fat on me. I mean HUGE! But back in the day, "a fat baby was a healthy baby". I've seen the ideas change. I was actually on Atkin's in 1974 when it was cutting edge, but only for a couple of weeks. I heard that "ketosis" was bad, VERY bad, and that sort of panic was urged on politically by the huge food and grain industries here in the US to discredit Dr. Atkins, who was SO on the right track. Then we all went "low fat", and look where that has gotten us!

And I now realize that there is a HUGE difference between "ketosis" (good) and "ketoacidosis" (VERY bad!). I now understand Insulin Resistance and how it is imperative that I keep my insulin levels low for weight loss and overall good health. And how can I do that? With a fatty broiled steak with added Garlic Ghee and a crisp avocado salad with the works!! AND an almond flour biscuit. I am not ever hungry. That fat "floats" in my stomach, giving me the sensation of satiety. I wish they had not silenced Dr. Atkins in the old days by ridicule and fake news. Now the Atkins business is just that, a business out to make money just like the rest of them, and their products are CRAP. I know. I've tried them all. They do taste good, but are full of empty calories and have little to no good whole foods in them at all.

Home cooking is my answer, along with my garden. And now I have the time to do it. HUZZAH!!

One troubling thing though...DS mentioned the other day that when he finishes losing his weight, he'd like to go see his GM, aka MD!! :o :? I talked to him about it later and asked him to NOT EVER do that, but I still felt frightened by it. I DO NOT NOT NOT WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I AM DOING THIS FOR MYSELF!!! I bring this to you, my dear isurvive.org friends, and lay it at your feet. He says he wants to do this like a self-pride thing: "See what I've done!" But I know that snake in the grass!! She'd determine to find out if I'd done it, too, and then she'd try to sabotage both me and my DS!! (My brother is her "flying monkey", that is, her willing spy.) I want no part of that scenario!!! She's been on my case re: fat since I can remember. Although I was a HUGELY fat baby, I grew out of it, and was never a chubby child. I did have a small pot belly, which I now know came from too much cortisol, the stress hormone controlling "fight or flight" due to the physical and mental abuse, which triggers insulin, the fat storage hormone. I was doomed from the start. :roll:

One last thing: I sampled the bone broth that I had made on Monday afternoon. I scooped it out of the jar in the fridge. It looked sort of weird, like yellow gelatin (which is exactly what it is). I'd heard people rave about this stuff, but I'd never eaten it myself. I put it into a cup and nuked it for one minute --- and this heavenly, rich, meaty aroma hit me, like the best chicken soup on the planet! YUM! And it tasted even better!! I added a pinch of Celtic Sea salt to it (making it absolutely PERFECT!!) and sipped it and had a bowl of low carb hot cereal (dried ground nuts) and cream for breakfast - DOUBLE YUM! In fact, having another cuppa bone broth sounds delicious right now. I can have this broth at any time without breaking my fast, and it's easy to make, too, in the Instant Pot pressure cooker. Only takes 3½ hrs. instead of 24-48 hours in a crock pot and it sort of "refills" any micronutrients lost while losing weight and soothes the gut. I'm not using grass fed bones yet, but I am definitely looking for some because I am definitely a bone broth convert!! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote: Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:45 am Here's to good sleeping patterns for us both
From your mouth to God's ear! I'm about to get some well deserved shut-eye right now, after my broth. Who would've guessed that I'd be so wild about broth? :lol:

========================================================

OMG! That broth is GOOD! Had a choc/choc chip muffin with it and some broccoli with garlic ghee + coconut (MCT) oil and applewood smoked salt. SO GOOD! I also had a few scrambled eggs with sauteed spinach, topped with shredded cheese. I'm a happy camper! As DS said to me a month ago and before his 10 lb. loss, "This is a diet??!" Why, yes it is! :mrgreen:

Honeybera
Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur »

Hello Honeybera


Remember when "diet" merely meant what we ate? I think your WOE is just that - what you routinely consume

Great that you are noticing various health improvements as you slim and eat well

Can understand your son wanting to visit his grandmother, and also your point of view about that potential meeting. Perhaps he will see her, but maybe not. I think it is his choice, but you might be needed to assist him should he go to her. If you are anything like me regarding toxic family members, you can almost hear the conversation already, word by word, blow by blow. As his mother, you want to spare him any angst

I haven't found any recipes I can manage without a microwave and I need to work out how to light gas oven. I'm using an electric mini oven at present. Thanks for your suggestions

May all be well in your household today


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hey there, Fleur!
Fleur wrote: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:23 pm Remember when "diet" merely meant what we ate? I think your WOE is just that - what you routinely consume
Exactly! You got it! :mrgreen: I woke up after 7 hrs. of sound sleep at 1am, got up at 4am after watching some TV and showered, and now it's nearly 6am and I'm just waiting to run to the store once it opens at 7am to get some avocados, more produce, and more meat. My belly is shrinking a tiny bit, day by day, but steadily, and I can really see it. I'm also seeing it in my face, arms, and legs. I'm FEELING it, too! And mentally it is giving me a tremendous boost in mood and thought clarity. What's not to like? I've never been more at peace, and honestly, that aspect is to me more valuable than the weight loss.

This morning my stomach began growling at about 5am, but doing intermittent fasting, I ignored it and had a good drink of ice water. Well, that didn't do it, and I began to ponder what it was that I was needing, when it came to me!! :idea: :mrgreen: I HAVE HOMEMADE BONE BROTH in the fridge. Bone broth is zero carbs and really a free drink even while fasting. It also has the added plus of being incredibly satisfying and tasty when homemade. And it's SO EASY to make (with an Instant Pot Pressure Cooker). I have to admit: I was quite unconvinced about this "bone broth" business. I'm not a big fan of canned broth or even Better Than Bouillon, but this stuff is everything that the Keto Community has been raving about!! I'm also finding that, once chilled, a rich meltable gelatinous substance forms underneath a thick fat layer. The fat layer (actually tallow) is prized for being a great way to fry veggies and is scooped off the top and saved, and the gelatin (melted in the microwave) with an added dash of Celtic Sea Salt is a very satisfying cuppa. Pure heaven! I'm also fixing myself a nice cuppa Bulletproof coffee (coffee + heavy whipping cream [double cream] + butter + ½-1T. coconut MCT oil + a couple drops of liquid monk fruit and/or stevia or DaVinci SF syrup, any flavor). Drinking this is very filling, yet does not count against my fast OR start the clock ticking on my "eating window".
Fleur wrote: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:23 pm Great that you are noticing various health improvements as you slim and eat well
I am just thrilled with this WOE! It's not only easy to do, but it works, too! If it didn't work or I wasn't seeing such great results, I wouldn't have lasted for these last four months. Wow. FOUR MONTHS! I'm naturally not exactly Twiggy yet, but I am SO much better than I was.

On the myriad YouTube videos on these subjects that I have watched, they keep reminding me to "keep it simple", and I'm beginning to really get that mindset. I could happily live forever on a simple diet of fried pork chops (or steak or chicken or fish) with an avocado-tomato-etc salad and a fried side veggie prepped in the pork chop drippings or tallow. It was like they knew me and exactly what I'd like to eat...and then they tell me I can LOSE WEIGHT and eliminate my diabetes, arthritis, leaky gut, and so on, and even reduce my chances of getting Alzheimer's disease...well, sign me up!!! :mrgreen: And FRY ME A STEAK with herb-garlic butter slathered on it! Oh, and a cuppa bone broth with that! And fry some cruciferous veggie in the tallow! I CAN DO THIS!!!

But me being me, I also would like an occasional "legal" muffin or "fat bomb" (SO GOOD!! Like legal candy! But just ONE piece or two) or a piece or two of toasted "bread". These culinary geniuses who write their Keto websites and blog pages FULL of scrumptious Keto recipes made with almond and/or coconut flour and cream cheese and other cheeses, and lots of eggs, all have my attention and my eternal gratitude! I made a cheesy 90-second Almond Meal Bread (done by Headbanger, a marvelous keto chef living in India and all over YouTube!), nuked it and let it cool, sliced it into 4 slices, and toasted it until it was crispy on the outside, bready on the inside. OMG GOOD!!! Shared some of it with DS, who really liked it. It almost has the consistency of corn bread, and although I cannot have CORN of any kind, I do have some oil drops of VERY STRONG "sweet corn" flavoring, so next time that I am craving corn bread, this is my recipe! Or I could slice up some hot dogs or sausage and drop them into the "corn bread" batter before microwaving it, cool, slice, and pan-fry or toast. Or make it with or without corn flavorings and add SF maple syrup (homemade) over a buttery pan-fried piece of bread - my mind reels with the possibilities! :lol:

I found it hard to believe that eating this much butter and meats and saturated fat would "make my pants fall off", as Butter Bob claims (he lost 150 lbs. in 14 months!), but my own observations are that they DO just that! So I'm sticking with it. ;)
Fleur wrote: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:23 pm Can understand your son wanting to visit his grandmother, and also your point of view about that potential meeting. Perhaps he will see her, but maybe not. I think it is his choice, but you might be needed to assist him should he go to her. If you are anything like me regarding toxic family members, you can almost hear the conversation already, word by word, blow by blow. As his mother, you want to spare him any angst
I hear you. We are first off not there yet with our weight, and he's now claiming (strongly!) that he was "only kidding". Ok. But the more I think about this, the more I agree with you. IF HE WANT'S TO GO and risk the nasty and snide comments that she might make, I would want to be there for him. I, like you, know just how caustic and painful her comments can be. And yes, I would want to spare him as much of that as possible. I'm sorry to know that your family is the same. How much harm they can do with their words to their "loved ones". How sad for them! {{{{Fleur}}}} :|
Fleur wrote: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:23 pm I haven't found any recipes I can manage without a microwave and I need to work out how to light gas oven. I'm using an electric mini oven at present. Thanks for your suggestions
I've got a Breville Toaster Oven that I've never used. Bought it for the RV at work. When I brought it here and we tried it out, it was SO POWERFUL that it dimmed the lights in my kitchen each time we'd turn on the power! :lol: Solid brand, that Breville. Aren't they an Australian company? My food processor is also a Breville. MIGHTY products from that company!! Mighty!! :lol: I am even sort of afraid of using my food processor...more like intimidated by its FORCEFULNESS. And combine that with a strange recipe to me re: Fathead dough (EQUALLY as IMPORTANT to my success on a ketogenic diet as the MAYO DEBACLE was) and the old "learned helplessness" feelings come roaring back! Fathead dough (and all the things I can make with it!!) + the fear of failure + the might of the Food Proc. that I've chosen to buy but have not yet conquered = me "putting off" making that dough for the first time IN CASE that I'll fail. Oh my! This is an old INCORRECT lesson learned early on that I've GOT TO LET GO OF!!

=======================================================(9am - Friday)

I FINALLY found grass-fed beef and free range chicken products here locally!! HUZZAH!! They're out of the beef bones ATM, but will be getting them in about a week, just about the time that I will be running out of my current bone broth. They also have ALL cuts of grass fed beef and all sorts of chicken products, even whole chickens. This is a big deal for me! This is all at the Sprouts grocery store. I also found grass fed hamburger at a local grocery store down the street about a mile away. (I called around to both and found out.)

======================================================(11am - Sat.)

Just got up. Had a GREAT sleep from 3pm (Fri.)-1am, one rare sleep aid at approx. 4am - 8am, still fasting, and just now a cuppa hot Bulletproof coffee...YUM! Drinking a nice cuppa is so beneficial; it "fills me up" without stopping the fasting. I'll eat "breakfast" at approx. 2pm today. SLOWLY my stomach is receding and is not nearly so much in my way. For this I am eternally grateful to those brave people who are bucking the system with the TRUTH about diabetes, heart attack, arthritis, stroke, gout, Alzheimer's, and all the rest. There are tests that CAN be run that will alert people to what they have ATM and even are prone to have in the future YEARS in advance, but that we are not privy to unless we ask for them! AND they are NOT covered by insurance! The reason? What happens to our medical profession if we all got healthy all of a sudden?? No money, no funny! Think Big Pharma to start, and how much $$$ they'd be losing. And the US gov. (and other govs?) are backing them! Diabetes is BIG BUSINESS in this country and is now spreading all over the world as more and more people eat an American or western diet. So is heart disease! These folks (our "medical professionals") have a lot to lose if we all lose weight and get healthy. The people giving these lectures are also doctors and scientists, and they're showing study after study to PROVE what they're saying. I was a Nursing major in college (30+ yrs. ago) and took many scientific courses, so I can follow along with their thinking, and what I'm seeing is shocking, to say the least!!

This is worse than my fight with MD, more insidious than even she was. I am thrilled that I have the internet! And now, with my smart TV allowing me to access the myriad of youtube videos, I am watching more and more doctors and scientists risking the rebuffs and shaming from the threatened BIG BUSINESS. Who will buy their pills if we don't NEED them anymore, who will fill their hospital beds or have their feet amputated or need assistant due to diabetic blindness?? Well, NOBODY if we all get healthy! And BIG BUSINESS can't have that! In fact, this morning I watched a video from Ivor Cummins, a bioengineer, VERY SMART INDEED, who said that they presented resultant information to a hospital who had requested a study done, and when the results were given to the hospital and it showed that people could be made healthier with a simple dietary solution, the team was thanked for their time and dismissed!! I wholeheartedly believe that they simply do NOT want the public to know just how dangerous INSULIN RESISTANCE is and how EASILY we can make it disappear! And I (and my son!) have insulin resistance in SPADES! And blessedly, as his mother, I have given him the KNOWLEDGE of what this is and what it's doing to us. He's a VERY bright boy!

No one, no doctor or nurse or ANYONE, has ever TOLD ME about what is going on with my body AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. In fact, most of them don't understand it either! My new doctor is a very old endocrinologist. Last time I was in there, raving about my new Ketogenic diet, he told me, "You're doing everything right." REALLY? There may be hope for him. But he also seemed ready to have the BIG PHARMA police come bursting through the door to silence him. I'm sure that those folks keep him well supplied with samples and prescription pads and a hefty "appreciation" payoff. IN CASH. After all, he is a doctor and that's how the system works.

I've also noticed the FOOD ADS on TV. Burger King, McDonald's, Jack-in-the-Box, and so on. And all sorts of restaurants. I don't know about Australia, but here in the US, the television ads for cigarettes were PULLED off the air and made illegal. Those food ads are MADE TO BE APPEALING/TEMPTING, so naturally, they ARE. But to a person like myself, they are as poisonous as cigarettes themselves! Food (high carb) and cigarettes, both of my personal addictions. Not drugs or other addictive behaviors. No, food and cigarettes were my tempters, my solace, my "relief" from stress. Why am I protected from seeing someone smoking a Camel, but still have to be tempted with a poisonous Big Mac (and now a BIGGER Big Mac with "more meat") slowly revolving on my TV screen?? What sense does that make?? The current numbers indicate the 67% of us in the US are DIABETIC, for Pete's sake!!! Whenever DS sees that sort of thing, his mom (me) has a freezer stocked with nice zero carb hamburger patties and zero carb cheese slices for him to fry up quickly and eat! I really need to have a few Keto Fathead buns in a bag for him to grab and pop into the microwave for his completed hamburger. He also has the homemade mayo, and mustard is always ok. I even have bacon to fry before the patties so he can make it a BACON cheeseburger on a bun (his favorite!). Fear or no fear, I absolutely have to get used to making the Fathead dough!!! If a doctor can buck the system, SO CAN I!! The doctors could lose their income and reputation (due to the incessant shaming and subsequently the revoking of substantial money in an effort to get them to SHUT UP and GO AWAY), but we can lose our lives! Both good incentives!! :roll:

I have a kitchen to clean and some Fathead dough to make!

Have a wonderful day! Thanks for reading my rant. I had to dump it out or else I might carry it all day, and I have better and more productive things to do.

Happy thoughts, my dear! :mrgreen:

Honeybera
Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur »

Hello Honeybera


Cleaning kitchen is a good idea for me as well. May you enjoy today. You might "cook up a storm" so to speak with your new recipe ideas

Wishing you and son very well in all respects


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Not such good news today. I am in a BAD mood! DS came in here to my room last night and began to complain about EVERYTHING I DID, SAID, OR THOUGHT! Since he's my only f2f contact, that is very impacting for me. Then he apparently doesn't want to pick up the dog poop anymore and it was all up and down the hallway, along with the pee pads, making me tip-toe around it. Then I got up at about 3am to cut up some chicken that amazingly was still ok in the fridge when I got some bad cramps in my abdomen that were so strong that I doubled over, and that's when I saw T walk into my kitchen, squat down, and pee a big spot on my floor! :x I covered it with some paper towels and hobbled into my bathroom (tiptoeing around the hallway poop) and began my bout with diarrhea. :roll: I tiptoed back into the kitchen, still in quite a bit of pain, and found that T had left me a huge poop right where I'd been cutting up the chicken. EEWWWW!!! So, if I wanted to finish cutting up the chicken, I had to bend down, pick up the poop, spray the floor with bleach water, wipe that up and let it dry, and then THOROUGHLY wash my hands before continuing with my original task.

Now I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive, but all this negativity has really gotten to me!! DS and I have a deal, similar to the deal re: the dishwasher (I load it, he puts it away) regarding the dogs: I buy the food and feed them the canned food, he cleans up the poop/pee since he can bend down to do that MUCH more easily than I can. I guess with T in all night it's getting to be a bit much for him as well?? All the other dogs are outside or in their inside pen. They always potty in the yard. DS hefts the 25 lb. bags of dry food for their hopper and their 5 gallon jug of water (once every 2-4 wks. as it's used up). I put out the fancy canned food on a daily basis.

He was "right". I was "wrong". Every time I opened my mouth, he'd yell at me or act disgusted with me and just turn me off. If I want that kind of treatment, I'll call Mommy Dearest. She's always up for that kind of treatment of me! The thing is that that kind of treatment used to just make me cry and withdraw, but not anymore. Instead my hurt feelings only served to make me damned ANGRY! Like I was better than deserving that kind of treatment from anyone! WHOA! Did I just say "better than"?? I did, and I AM!! I have been taking care of my family for the last 5 decades as a single parent!!! I've gotten a lot of blame, but not too many kudos!

Also, at this moment, N is on his way to [location removed] somewhere to stay with his friend "the other N" (they have the same name) while he finds himself another job. The ON is on the east coast while I am N's friend on the west coast. All his important documents are here at my home at his request. It is another bone of contention for me. Three times N begged me to come here: "I've lost Job again! Can I come and stay with you while I search for Job?" He said he'd be here on Feb. 1st, then Feb. 12th, then he was staying at the naughty commune until "the end of the month", then he said he was staying there for yet another month (after another $1500 was paid to them so he could stay), but on March 2nd, he texted me that they'd refunded his money and that he was coming here...again. And then, in a subsequent text, he informed me that he was on his way to the ON's house! Not even a phone call. Just a frigging text. But I can continue to hold his stuff for him. Really makes me feel like his patsy more that his friend!!
Definition of patsy

: a person who is easily manipulated or victimized : pushover
So...the dogs refuse to be housebroken, DS won't do his share and pick up the poo/pee (OR clean out the dishwasher) plus nothing I say, think, or do is right with him, and my "bestie" N, although he doesn't want to mess up his solid storage site for his important things and mailing address and "residence" on his driver's license, he'd prefer to be staying anywhere but here as he searches for yet another job! Wow. No kidding! I can't even walk away from my kitchen with stomach cramps before T poops right where I was standing! AND I HAD TO CLEAN THAT UP, TOO, WHILE STILL IN PAIN!! :x I honestly believe that this treatment by all who are close to me would get to anybody! What are my rights? Do I have the right to be angry about this, too? I feel very discounted by everyone around me. A while back, DS said to me that I was HIS BFF and that I could be trusted. N has left his most valued paperwork here with me. And I am always kind and loving with my dogs. But honestly, at this moment, I could chuck them all!! Is that being too uppity?? Am I allowed to feel like this?

I am deeply angered by this treatment of me, but the treatment is nothing new. It's been happening for years, with DS, the dogs, and N! In fact, it is the story of my life! I was raised by a MONSTER who was supported in all she did, right or wrong (usually WRONG!), by a weak man whose only concern was that he never rocked her boat (which would rock his boat, as well). So no protection was given to the MONSTER'S victim (me) and I was taught "learned helplessness". But that's not the case anymore. Despite my upbringing and over 25yrs. on Welfare and utter dependence, I overcame it all and worked as a union transit bus driver for an additional 25 yrs. and earned myself a nice hefty pension which should sustain me for life! :P

So here's what I'm thinking of doing: if T can't control herself in the house, I can make her a nice bed in the garage, warm and cozy, for she won't poop in her bed. I can open the door to the outside to my garden, still feed her and the other dogs daily on my back step, just as it has been. The rain is almost gone and the temps are warming up. NO MORE DOGS IN THE HOUSE! And that should settle that. I can clean my kitchen floor thoroughly with bleach water and not feel so icky when I walk down my hallway! And DS won't have to be begged to pick up the poop!

I need to talk to DS, too. Dr. Phil says, "You teach people how to treat you." Point taken! Last year I put $7000 worth of quality dental work into my DS's mouth, and the dentist's parting shot was that for another $3000, they'll take care of that front tooth, too. OK. I can do that. BUT...not until April or May. I got in a bit too deep with that initial $7000 and it fried my FICO score a bit. But it's all paid off now and I want to pay cash next time around. So I'm saving up for it. DS also came back from the convention (driving MY CAR that I bought for his use and also insure it) with a large dent in the front by the headlight. Hm. He says that he and his friend will fix it, but nothing has happened in over a month and a half. He just got some new underwear and a $60 wallet plus he eats very well on a keto diet. His room is totaled, his carpet in there is beyond repair and disgusting, and the junk is knee deep. He even has his own mini-fridge in there! Can we say spoiled rotten?

He does come in to fix my computer as needed. Helpful. He does take out the garbage once a week. And once every two to four weeks, he fetches the dog's water jug and/or fills the hopper. He offloads the dishwasher...with a LOT of reminding! And he makes sure that I'm still alive by occasionally coming to my room, sometimes once a day, sometimes not at all. He's supposed to help me out in the garden roll up those whippy weeds and help me in the garage clean up by lifting those heavy mystery boxes down from the shelves so I can sort them out and get rid of them, but nothing has been done yet. I sort of have to catch him in the proper mood to beg him out there. And in all fairness, I have to be out there, too. :oops: He's also my shelf assembler (self standing wire shelves I have purchased from Amazon already, but which are unassembled)...AND THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF HIS LASHING OUT AT ME the other night. "WHY DO YOU NEED MORE SHELVES??" :x That means: "I don't want to ASSEMBLE them!!!" :x :x :x He has decided that I don't "need them" now. Oy. And then it was downhill from there...

I can't tell you how UN-appreciated I feel at this time!! Dogs are crapping on me, son is complaining about everything I say or do or even attempt to do, and N is treating me like a combo of a postal stop and a flop house for his pleasure without need for a reservation!! I've done nothing to deserve this as far as I can see. And I believe that anyone else would have screamed bloody murder LONG before this! But there's this little voice in my head that whispers: "ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT??", and I'm not.

Your level headed opinion would be very welcome right now.

Honeybera

PS - I just went into the kitchen and the dishes were put away. Without "reminding". :mrgreen: So I guess that there's hope. I still need to talk to him, about the shelves, about how fragile my recovery is, and how much I need to get some help and an "attagirl" every so often. I am also going to tell him about how I'm going to shelter poor old T comfortably in the garage for the time being to avoid me seizing up in my attempts to live a better life. I run up against some things sometimes, and while they may appear to be little things to others, to me they will stop me cold. And criticism, especially refusal of help due to an opposing opinion from mine, is a HUGE trigger for me! So putting the dishes away without even being told to was a really positive thing that I really needed. :mrgreen:
Last edited by Ashia on Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed NT to ST, removed location to protect privacy as per guidelines
Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur »

Hello Honeybera


Sending gentle hugs

Hopefully your son was just in a foul mood, and will apologise for his word choices. Nice to know he emptied dishwasher without prompt

N/ON - do you really need or want these guys in your life? You seem to be saying they are using the convenience of having your address, etc, but not very caring interaction. I think you are more than a doormat so to speak - you've had a long journey with lots of ups, downs, side tracks, etc - I would much prefer that you found some new people with whom you might choose to have a two way friendship. I know it is very difficult to actively attend social activities (I'm the greatest at not attending functions, smile) but IMO we both need positive/neutral human interaction, not the rubbish that happened when we were much younger

Great to know you have plans to solve the dog mess in house - that alone will make things easier for you and son

I hope you can praise your son for all the nice stuff, yet also firmly state you are not his verbal punching bag

Perhaps you can share about men who tell a tree or other plant their woes, in order to be more "present" with their family. There are a few sad but true tales / feel good stories on the Web from people of both genders finding ways to be positive at home after stress filled days; some are highly creative

May you and son find workable communication and behaviour parameters. Even if it feels structured and unreal, having some basic decency tenets in place could be helpful?

Sending positive vibes for you and your household


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hello Dearest Fleur!
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am Sending gentle hugs
Thank you so very much! I really needed those!
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am Hopefully your son was just in a foul mood, and will apologise for his word choices. Nice to know he emptied dishwasher without prompt
Yes, we are fine now. We had a nice quiet talk and aired it all out pleasantly. My great panic was that he'd get mad and move out and then what would I do?? I would be all alone. I really do need some help here, but we worked it out and all is well.
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am I hope you can praise your son for all the nice stuff, yet also firmly state you are not his verbal punching bag
That's exactly what I did...and he did, too. He had some complaints as well. And that's ok. And even understandable. And now he's agreed to assemble the 2 black 7' high shelves for the Computer Room (we have to stop calling it that since there's no computer in there anymore! :lol: ) and I can begin cleaning it up in there. It's really not that "dirty", but a lot of stuff needs to be stored on those shelves and the shelves in the garage. Lots of work, but I can do it! DS says he'll help me, but not to overwhelm him. I shan't. I don't want that kind of kerfuffle again between us! :?
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am N/ON - do you really need or want these guys in your life?
I must have given the wrong impression. Poor old ON is as much of a victim of N as I am. ON is N's childhood school friend from the old country and has maintained his friendship with N since immigrating here. But NO, I really don't need N in my life anymore. I hate to lose a friend, but ever since he joined his sex cult, he's been horrible. Even before, really, but now he's like a different person. I don't even know him anymore; even his physique is different, for now, instead of normal weight, he's really skinny, even anorexic, and he acts differently, too, like smarmy.
Smarmy
: revealing or marked by a smug, ingratiating, or false earnestness

a tone of smarmy self-satisfaction —New Yorker

2 : of low sleazy taste or quality

smarmy eroticism
Yes, that definition sums it up. :x It makes me sad, but feeling sad is better than feeling like a chump or a patsy. Your suggestion about having other friends is not falling on deaf ears.
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am Great to know you have plans to solve the dog mess in house - that alone will make things easier for you and son
Poor old T is so confused that she probably won't even notice the difference. As long as she is warm and comfy in the garage, she should be ok. I can bring her in from time to time for a short visit and pet and maybe a treat. She's not incontinent. But when she has to go, her first instinct is to squat and do her business wherever she is instead of going to the door to be let out. So this will settle that. I then want to steam clean the carpets and thoroughly wash the throw rugs, and then everyone will be happy. DS is in agreement with this plan, too. :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am from people of both genders finding ways to be positive at home after stress filled days
Happily, one of the ways of coping was NOT to overeat over it! I did break my fast a bit early [12:12 rather than the normal 20:4 that I've chosen for myself], but only for one day and only with ketogenic foods, so I did extremely well coping with my very sad and frightening feelings! I also wrote it all out on here (THANK YOU, isurvive.org!!!), and as usual, that helped!

====================================================30 min. later

I just took an impromptu walk outside in the GORGEOUS 70ºF WEATHER to check on my Eversweet strawberries, just meandering about, walked over to pull a couple of OLD weeds (sticks, really) and then went to check on my trees. My good old faithful TREES! And OMG!! ALL ARE ALIVE except ones that I already knew were dead! They've all sprung back to LIFE! I don't even have to replace my Bacon Avocado!! It has tiny little leaves poking up through the very top of it! Wow!!! :lol: And my new bare roots are vibrant in their temporary container! But I need to PRUNE THEM ALL, the entire yard. Bravely! Wow wow wow!!!! I am amazed! And those Eversweet strawberries? 2-3 big healthy leaves on each plant already!!

Oh, and while watching my YouTube videos, I came upon some information regarding a ketogenic diet and tinnitus (ringing in the ears) which my brother has. Although DS and I weren't going to say anything about our new WOE to brother or MD, my heart said to anyway, so I did for brother's sake. Come to find out brother is on it already for the last month, although nowhere near as dedicated or strict as I am. I gave him all the info on it, including where to find some excellent YouTube videos. He'd never heard of intermittent fasting. What he does with this info is up to him. I wish him the best.

In addition, after I got off the phone with him, it came to me that the $700,000 was never MY money in the first place. It would have been nice to have had a portion of that, especially to pay off my house, but that's not ever going to happen. I am better off forgiving that terrible slight and moving on; that kindness will never come my way, BUT... He's my only sibling and I am not starving or on Welfare anymore. I also found out that he's having fits with his prostate and his feet. I would not wish such troubles on him or anyone. I have my answers to what ails me, and now so does he. I am happy with that. It would have been mean and unfair to not share the important keto/fasting/and insulin resistance info with him, and it would not have been worth it in the long run to keep it to myself.

I'm going to get dressed and go to the nursery and get my new Monterey and Albion varieties of strawberries. I may yet get some Tributes, too, but we'll see; they have to be ordered bare root by mail. I have PLENTY to do out there first! Then I'm going to our local Sprouts market for some grass fed beef bones for bone broth, etc, and over to the less expensive grocery for lots of veggies, which I'm out of, and then HOME. I have much to do here! Happily!!! My tomatoes are now 6-7" tall and READY to plant, so I may set them outside for today to bask in the lovely sunshine (so they "harden"). Life is good. :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:37 am Sending positive vibes for you and your household
:mrgreen: We got 'em!! And thank you!! It helps to know you're there. {{{{{{{Fleur and all}}}}}}}

Honeybera
Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur »

Hello Honeybera


Really lovely to know life with you and son is greatly improved

Thanks for further talking about ON. You're right. I was confused

Seems like your garden is doing very well

Lady gave me some home grown produce earlier this week. Tastes so different from shop bought items

You'll enjoy eating well from your plantings in due season

Wishing you and son a glorious sunshiny day


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Hey Fleur!! I've been really busy with my garden and diet and lots of YouTube videos talking about both. :lol:
Fleur wrote: Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:44 am Really lovely to know life with you and son is greatly improved
Oh my, it certainly has!! He even helped me in the garden yesterday, lifting those huge bales of garden soil so I could fill the new planters and prep them for 18 new strawberry plants (Monterey, Albion, and Eversweet this year). I'm hoping for a bumper crop!! I have plans to freeze them in gallon-sized Ziploc bags as I begin to pick them and if there are just too many. As usual, I bought "too many" :lol: ,but I also have a "plan" for them. And if that doesn't work, I'll go to Plan B: sell them to the health food store. A real treat for them, too, but I have a feeling that I won't be forced to do that.

Sitting here, a tri-tip on the rotisserie, a nice hot cuppa garlic ghee (1 t. ) in salted bone broth at my side, and my WOW open today, listening to the rain fall outside (OMG, make that a HEAVY rainfall, and heaven knows we need it!) = SO VERY NICE!! :mrgreen: After realizing the health benefits of gardening for me because of the 5 hrs. I spent out there yesterday with the strawberries, as soon as I got up at 9am, I slipped on my shoes to ready outside for this rain that's been promised for some time now. As always, once out there, I got busy. :lol: I eventually came back in and got my gardening hat and my elbow-high "rose" gloves on (the better to keep the creepy-crawlies away, my dear) ;) and plunged ahead with my trusty scissors, cutting the old support tapes off the skeletal tomato plants from last year, freeing their supports for use by my upcoming crop and disassembling the old plants. I was able to fill yet another garbage can with the remains of those old tomato plants! But then after some time, it began to rain, so...
Fleur wrote: Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:44 am Seems like your garden is doing very well
I'm just beginning to understand the relationship between my garden (an OVERWHELMING task when taken on and viewed in its entirety) and the "small manageable tasks" recommended by that dear heart, Mark Twain on "getting ahead". Such a wise man!! The same goes for the rest of the tasks around here: one little bite at a time, and when that's complete, and if I still have the energy and the desire to do it, I can forge on. There is no one here any longer who will attempt to SHAME ME or call me names, like "lazy". :x If I'm tired, I'm tired. If I clear 3 ft. or 30 ft. of garden space, either one is acceptable. Apparently, I'm not just getting fresh organic food from my garden, but a deeper insight of who the heck I am and how to handle myself to get the best from me! :lol: :mrgreen:

Too bad MD never really understood that. Love, patience, understanding, and tenderness and praise, THOSE were what was needed to get me to thrive. But I can give those to MYSELF now; no need to bother her in her own misery. Her aim was never to see me thrive anyway. :roll: :( It must be horrible to live like that, so hateful. But I now have the golden opportunity to live out the rest of my life happy in my own skin! So there! :P :lol: And I'm certainly worth it!!! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote: Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:44 am Wishing you and son a glorious sunshiny day
Thank you, Fleur! Even in the rain, it should be a lovely drive. But the rain has stopped for now, our dinner is ready, and we have about an hour to eat (and be full during our 5-6 hour trip away from home into the sugar/flour-filled fast food world) and get gone. I'm going to get my new prescription and eye exam for some new glasses (mostly for reading), needed since the cataract surgery. I should have them in hand by month's end. But I'd better scoot now - and that tri-tip smells SO GOOD!

{{{{{Fleur and Soxy and DS!!}}}}}}

Honeybera
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