Congratulations honeybera for delivering donations and going to dump solo. You must be pleased with yourself
Wishing you success in your garden to prepare for next week's predicted rain
Much caring
Letting go
Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei
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Fleur
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- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: Letting go
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
Thank you so much for your replies. I am up at 4am and in PAIN again. It's my back this time, that same old nagging ache or pain in my right upper quadrant making it difficult or impossible to sleep, only now it's one of those strong intermittent sessions. It's not my heart. That's on the left. This is right in the liver or kidney area and nearer my right side/flank/deep lung than the left. I've been trying to get the OTHER doctor to address this since last year at this time. I see my former doctor in a couple of days. 
I PRAY that I haven't waited too long. Actually I had no choice in the matter. Only now do I have a medical insurance that my doctor accepts, but before then I was stuck with the OTHER doctor for the last two years since my former doctor's group stopped taking Medicare in any way. Back in May 2018, they began to take a new insurance that I can get, but I had to drop my current insurance during the enrollment period and then wait until the first of the year to dump the OTHER doctor.
After several office visits in 2018 with him, he diagnosed this awful pain as "a muscle strain" from gardening (which I objected to, but to the back of his white lab coat as he scooted out the door, his pronouncement having been made), then "pneumonia" (having given to me a prescription medicine for pneumonia as he scooted out the door yet again, even though he claimed he found no "sounds" of pneumonia during a brief exam), and later "pleurisy" (and a battery of blood tests, chest X-ray, and an ultrasound in OCTOBER which he never gave me the results of because his office kept calling me and cancelling b/c "doctor is busy that day")!! Well, DOCTOR, I have this nagging PAIN IN MY SIDE...WHY????? OMG, he's such a lousy "doctor". And he charges $371.00 per "25 MIN." visit, even though he only takes about 5-10 min. and SPLITS for the next money-maker for him to misdiagnose!! WORTHLESS!!!
But blessedly, I'm NO LONGER HIS PATIENT! (THANK GOD!!!) Today is the first day (HAPPILY!!) that I am back with my former doctor (that is, my new insurance card is good as of today). No, make that MY DOCTOR! I can hardly wait to see him and find out what this pain is! The gout is gone, arthritis gone, but this sometimes dull, sometimes sharp, pain has got to GO.
Also, Ms. T is doing very badly. So it's a tough time for me. Her back legs no longer cooperate with what she wants to do. Sometimes she's fairly ok, but other times it's sad to watch her. She was once so proud and...well, mighty actually. A tough little Rat Terrier. My yard had no gophers, no mice or rats in it. Between her and Butterbutt, nothing came in here uninvited or unannounced. If it was underground, they acted as a team to root it out. Ms. T even caught a bird in mid-air brilliantly as it realized what a mistake it was to land and attempted to flee, but T was alert then and nailed it. Spot was my neurotic one, shy and a back-biter; Dot was my athlete, easily teased with the invitation to chase HER ball, leaping high into the air to catch it on the bounce so Butterbutt could not snag it and bring it to me first. But T, our mama dog, was the undisputed leader, the head dog of the pack.
Now I find her confused, walking in circles, falling off the porch as she tries to eat or get a drink of water. This "porch" is a slab of cement only 2" high and is where I feed the dogs their "wet" food. I see her stagger onto the porch trying to steady herself and eat or drink the water left there, but it seems to be too much for her and she falls, her legs are flailing as she tumbles off. She tries to steady herself, but to no avail. Sometimes either DS or I hold her back legs for her so she can eat. Or we just hold her and pet her and give her love. We bring her in at night since the temp outside is around the freezing mark, it being the coldest time of the year.
Tonight I found her as the sun set, laying in the dog's yard, shivering in the damp grass, limp and on her side. I picked her up and held her close to me and petted her for a while. Then I put her into the dog's pen inside where it's nice and warm. I know that she will pass soon. But it's so hard to watch my little warrior die, day after day.
===============================
I found out that it's T that is yelping tonight. Once we put them outside into the yard after it gets warmer out there, I am going to clean the inside pen up completely. The shipment from Chewy dot com just came in with the nice new dog beds in them. The one that is in their pen right now is one that I bought for $100.00 when N was here once, and it fit all 4 dogs at the time. I think it was for a Great Dane or some other huge dog, but it fit my needs just fine. But now it's just gross, and I can't lift it by myself, even to just toss it out into the garbage, so I'll have DS do that today between his naps. He has worked from midnight until 8am, and then again tonight from 6pm until 2am! So whatever help I can get from him today will be very appreciated!!
I bought the new beds smaller than the beast that we now have (one bed 30" long and one only 22" long, probably where T can sleep...or whatever) so that I can lift them up and shake them off and throw them into the washer with some bleach when they get foul. That puts me more in charge. And I like that. The smallest bed is flat (no "cushion" around the outside for T to have to step over). I need the old stinky bed out into the empty trash can and for DS to show me what to do with the pressure washer.
============================
I've made some great strides towards meeting the needs of T and in cleaning the pen up. The dog beds came in and now the pen is clean(er) and the nasty old bed is GONE. Even DS had a hard time lifting it, but it's out in the trash can outside now. (THANK HEAVENS!! P-U!!) I still need to do the walls, but the floor is CLEAN. Bleach water clean!! T can no longer use her back legs well, so we've put her into a towel lined cardboard box (which is disposable! = brilliant!) after DS gave her a much needed bath. She had quit eating and was very dehydrated, but yesterday she began to drink her water ravenously, so every couple of hours or so I'll hold her on my lap as she licks up the water and she is responding very well. I also began lacing the water with a bit of heavy (double) cream (God knows we have plenty of that!) and about a teaspoon of Pedialyte in it. She seems to love it. Once it gets a bit warmer outside (below freezing last night!!), I'll set her out in the dog's yard in the sunlight after she eats her dog food (which she wolfed down yesterday). She has difficulty eating it from the bowl, so I dumped it out onto the step itself and she ate it up readily! YAY! I also make it a point to give her lots of pets and love, too.
I saw my T yesterday as well. She's right: I'm dealing with a lot of loss and grief lately. Butterbutt in June and now T and even MD hitting 90 in April. We did discuss the WHY of why I even wanted to go see MD, and I think it's because I'm longing for a MOMMY, but I have to recognize and grieve that I've never had one and never will. And that's sad...and sad-making (ie, depression). Add to that holding my beloved Ms. T as she drinks her milk/water because her back legs are semi-paralyzed - and I'm not surprised that this is a difficult time for me. It's a lot to process. A lot to FEEL. DS said that if I want to go see her, he'll go with me. That made me feel a lot better about it. Whether I go or whether I do NOT go, I'll decide later. I need to really ask myself before I go just whyI wish to go. And I need to continue to allow the ancient, old resentments to dissolve, whether I go or not. And I think that that's an inside job, AND is not depending on going to see some old withered up person in a nursing home. It has everything to do with a vicious, ornery, and mean girl 17 yr. old with a newborn infant that she'd like to return, but can't, and that's a far cry from the person that I'd be visiting. FOR SURE!!! And that person is my Inner Critic and the one I really need to deal with and let go of.
Yes, this T is good! We don't even talk about stuff like this, but later on it pops up and makes total sense to me.
I'm going to see my dear Dr. B in about 4 more hours. I'm about to end a nice fast and I just got a recipe last night for an easy keto Chicken Taco Soup made in the Instant Pot in 30 min. That really sounds good! Picture the Mexican flavors in this soup with shredded chicken breast and then add in some cream cheese for creaminess and top it all off with sour cream and cheese and green onions! OMG. Yes, that's on the menu today!
I'd better go make it. Sorry I didn't send this before. I kept writing it out and then not sending it. So I'm sending it now...
Honeybera
I PRAY that I haven't waited too long. Actually I had no choice in the matter. Only now do I have a medical insurance that my doctor accepts, but before then I was stuck with the OTHER doctor for the last two years since my former doctor's group stopped taking Medicare in any way. Back in May 2018, they began to take a new insurance that I can get, but I had to drop my current insurance during the enrollment period and then wait until the first of the year to dump the OTHER doctor. After several office visits in 2018 with him, he diagnosed this awful pain as "a muscle strain" from gardening (which I objected to, but to the back of his white lab coat as he scooted out the door, his pronouncement having been made), then "pneumonia" (having given to me a prescription medicine for pneumonia as he scooted out the door yet again, even though he claimed he found no "sounds" of pneumonia during a brief exam), and later "pleurisy" (and a battery of blood tests, chest X-ray, and an ultrasound in OCTOBER which he never gave me the results of because his office kept calling me and cancelling b/c "doctor is busy that day")!! Well, DOCTOR, I have this nagging PAIN IN MY SIDE...WHY????? OMG, he's such a lousy "doctor". And he charges $371.00 per "25 MIN." visit, even though he only takes about 5-10 min. and SPLITS for the next money-maker for him to misdiagnose!! WORTHLESS!!!
But blessedly, I'm NO LONGER HIS PATIENT! (THANK GOD!!!) Today is the first day (HAPPILY!!) that I am back with my former doctor (that is, my new insurance card is good as of today). No, make that MY DOCTOR! I can hardly wait to see him and find out what this pain is! The gout is gone, arthritis gone, but this sometimes dull, sometimes sharp, pain has got to GO.
Also, Ms. T is doing very badly. So it's a tough time for me. Her back legs no longer cooperate with what she wants to do. Sometimes she's fairly ok, but other times it's sad to watch her. She was once so proud and...well, mighty actually. A tough little Rat Terrier. My yard had no gophers, no mice or rats in it. Between her and Butterbutt, nothing came in here uninvited or unannounced. If it was underground, they acted as a team to root it out. Ms. T even caught a bird in mid-air brilliantly as it realized what a mistake it was to land and attempted to flee, but T was alert then and nailed it. Spot was my neurotic one, shy and a back-biter; Dot was my athlete, easily teased with the invitation to chase HER ball, leaping high into the air to catch it on the bounce so Butterbutt could not snag it and bring it to me first. But T, our mama dog, was the undisputed leader, the head dog of the pack.
Now I find her confused, walking in circles, falling off the porch as she tries to eat or get a drink of water. This "porch" is a slab of cement only 2" high and is where I feed the dogs their "wet" food. I see her stagger onto the porch trying to steady herself and eat or drink the water left there, but it seems to be too much for her and she falls, her legs are flailing as she tumbles off. She tries to steady herself, but to no avail. Sometimes either DS or I hold her back legs for her so she can eat. Or we just hold her and pet her and give her love. We bring her in at night since the temp outside is around the freezing mark, it being the coldest time of the year.
Tonight I found her as the sun set, laying in the dog's yard, shivering in the damp grass, limp and on her side. I picked her up and held her close to me and petted her for a while. Then I put her into the dog's pen inside where it's nice and warm. I know that she will pass soon. But it's so hard to watch my little warrior die, day after day.
===============================
I found out that it's T that is yelping tonight. Once we put them outside into the yard after it gets warmer out there, I am going to clean the inside pen up completely. The shipment from Chewy dot com just came in with the nice new dog beds in them. The one that is in their pen right now is one that I bought for $100.00 when N was here once, and it fit all 4 dogs at the time. I think it was for a Great Dane or some other huge dog, but it fit my needs just fine. But now it's just gross, and I can't lift it by myself, even to just toss it out into the garbage, so I'll have DS do that today between his naps. He has worked from midnight until 8am, and then again tonight from 6pm until 2am! So whatever help I can get from him today will be very appreciated!!
I bought the new beds smaller than the beast that we now have (one bed 30" long and one only 22" long, probably where T can sleep...or whatever) so that I can lift them up and shake them off and throw them into the washer with some bleach when they get foul. That puts me more in charge. And I like that.
The smallest bed is flat (no "cushion" around the outside for T to have to step over). I need the old stinky bed out into the empty trash can and for DS to show me what to do with the pressure washer.============================
I've made some great strides towards meeting the needs of T and in cleaning the pen up. The dog beds came in and now the pen is clean(er) and the nasty old bed is GONE. Even DS had a hard time lifting it, but it's out in the trash can outside now. (THANK HEAVENS!! P-U!!) I still need to do the walls, but the floor is CLEAN. Bleach water clean!! T can no longer use her back legs well, so we've put her into a towel lined cardboard box (which is disposable! = brilliant!) after DS gave her a much needed bath. She had quit eating and was very dehydrated, but yesterday she began to drink her water ravenously, so every couple of hours or so I'll hold her on my lap as she licks up the water and she is responding very well. I also began lacing the water with a bit of heavy (double) cream (God knows we have plenty of that!) and about a teaspoon of Pedialyte in it. She seems to love it. Once it gets a bit warmer outside (below freezing last night!!), I'll set her out in the dog's yard in the sunlight after she eats her dog food (which she wolfed down yesterday). She has difficulty eating it from the bowl, so I dumped it out onto the step itself and she ate it up readily! YAY! I also make it a point to give her lots of pets and love, too.
I saw my T yesterday as well. She's right: I'm dealing with a lot of loss and grief lately. Butterbutt in June and now T and even MD hitting 90 in April. We did discuss the WHY of why I even wanted to go see MD, and I think it's because I'm longing for a MOMMY, but I have to recognize and grieve that I've never had one and never will. And that's sad...and sad-making (ie, depression). Add to that holding my beloved Ms. T as she drinks her milk/water because her back legs are semi-paralyzed - and I'm not surprised that this is a difficult time for me. It's a lot to process. A lot to FEEL. DS said that if I want to go see her, he'll go with me. That made me feel a lot better about it. Whether I go or whether I do NOT go, I'll decide later. I need to really ask myself before I go just whyI wish to go. And I need to continue to allow the ancient, old resentments to dissolve, whether I go or not. And I think that that's an inside job, AND is not depending on going to see some old withered up person in a nursing home. It has everything to do with a vicious, ornery, and mean girl 17 yr. old with a newborn infant that she'd like to return, but can't, and that's a far cry from the person that I'd be visiting. FOR SURE!!! And that person is my Inner Critic and the one I really need to deal with and let go of.
Yes, this T is good!
We don't even talk about stuff like this, but later on it pops up and makes total sense to me. I'm going to see my dear Dr. B in about 4 more hours. I'm about to end a nice fast and I just got a recipe last night for an easy keto Chicken Taco Soup made in the Instant Pot in 30 min. That really sounds good! Picture the Mexican flavors in this soup with shredded chicken breast and then add in some cream cheese for creaminess and top it all off with sour cream and cheese and green onions! OMG. Yes, that's on the menu today!
I'd better go make it. Sorry I didn't send this before. I kept writing it out and then not sending it. So I'm sending it now...
Honeybera
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Fleur
- Member
- Posts: 13378
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: Letting go
Hello honeybera
Once again, you are taking charge, accomplishing much
Those are long hours for your son to work. Being on call means nothing might happen some days/nights; other times, busy busy busy. May he get enough rest, stay alert, do his paid job well - and do his share at home
It would be surprising to me if you weren't feeling distressed as you watch Ms T decline. The pain in your back might be nothing of significance but you want answers, and I hope your new-old Dr can diagnose you accurately
As I read your thoughts around MD, I realised yet again that I am yearning for my Dad to be a good enough parent of my younger self. I'm hoping you and I can process without needing to visit - unless we choose to do so for valid adult reason
May you continue tidying, cleaning and gardening as you are able
Much caring
Once again, you are taking charge, accomplishing much
Those are long hours for your son to work. Being on call means nothing might happen some days/nights; other times, busy busy busy. May he get enough rest, stay alert, do his paid job well - and do his share at home
It would be surprising to me if you weren't feeling distressed as you watch Ms T decline. The pain in your back might be nothing of significance but you want answers, and I hope your new-old Dr can diagnose you accurately
As I read your thoughts around MD, I realised yet again that I am yearning for my Dad to be a good enough parent of my younger self. I'm hoping you and I can process without needing to visit - unless we choose to do so for valid adult reason
May you continue tidying, cleaning and gardening as you are able
Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
-
honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
OMG, I am so exhausted, but wanted to say a bit about my day.
It was great to see Dr. B again! He's so nice and his patients all love him and his bedside manner. He welcomed us like an old friend. He said he'd like to work with us on the keto front...but his last words to me were, "It's all about calories in - calories out. Just eat less and move around a little more and I'm sure you'll lose the weight." OMG. NO! It's the exact opposite! But he's a good doctor (as doctors go), so I'm going to keep him BUT...I'm also going to give up about $40/month and join up with the Dr. Jason Fung website so I can be in with a more pro-keto AND intermittent fasting group. Dr. B did agree (enthusiastically!) to run a battery of tests on me to see how I'm doing inside, including a CAT scan, and to find out what my tests in October 2018 had to say. I am VERY curious, too! He says that nagging pain is NOT my kidneys, and that's a relief, but he's already talking about removing my gall bladder, and that's a BIG no-no with me. Just tell me that I haven't got nonalcoholic fatty liver problems and I'll be just fine, thank you!
He's right about the exercise though. One doesn't need as much exercise on keto, but I need all the help I can get really, and besides, I'll benefit from eating all my organic peppers and tomatoes and herbs and squash and all the other lovely things that I grow out there. So getting out there and moving around is a big goal for me. So is cleaning out that garage - one step at a time. And of course, moving around my kitchen cooking new things on keto. AND eating them once a day! Dr. B is all for me fasting. So that's one barrier down. YAY!
But as I said, I'm just exhausted from the big day (plus I went grocery shopping for a couple of hours before coming home), but all the stuff is put away and now it's time for B-E-D!!!
Honeybera
ZZzzzz
It was great to see Dr. B again! He's so nice and his patients all love him and his bedside manner. He welcomed us like an old friend. He said he'd like to work with us on the keto front...but his last words to me were, "It's all about calories in - calories out. Just eat less and move around a little more and I'm sure you'll lose the weight." OMG. NO! It's the exact opposite! But he's a good doctor (as doctors go), so I'm going to keep him BUT...I'm also going to give up about $40/month and join up with the Dr. Jason Fung website so I can be in with a more pro-keto AND intermittent fasting group. Dr. B did agree (enthusiastically!) to run a battery of tests on me to see how I'm doing inside, including a CAT scan, and to find out what my tests in October 2018 had to say. I am VERY curious, too! He says that nagging pain is NOT my kidneys, and that's a relief, but he's already talking about removing my gall bladder, and that's a BIG no-no with me. Just tell me that I haven't got nonalcoholic fatty liver problems and I'll be just fine, thank you!
He's right about the exercise though. One doesn't need as much exercise on keto, but I need all the help I can get really, and besides, I'll benefit from eating all my organic peppers and tomatoes and herbs and squash and all the other lovely things that I grow out there. So getting out there and moving around is a big goal for me. So is cleaning out that garage - one step at a time. And of course, moving around my kitchen cooking new things on keto. AND eating them once a day! Dr. B is all for me fasting. So that's one barrier down. YAY!
But as I said, I'm just exhausted from the big day (plus I went grocery shopping for a couple of hours before coming home), but all the stuff is put away and now it's time for B-E-D!!!
Honeybera
ZZzzzz-
honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
Ms. T is rallying...again! I don't believe that she will ever be the same as she was, but she is at least trying to walk. DS and I are working together to keep her as comfy as possible. She's sleeping happily in my room at the moment in a large cardboard box lined with a towel with the whole thing sitting on a throw rug (all washable and/or disposable). She's eating and drinking, too, and trying to wait to potty outside. (That's a BIG improvement!)
I'm also exhausted again at 6pm!
It is taking care of a (non-human) Alzheimer's patient 24/7 and that can be wearying, believe me! We take our victories happily and wherever we find them. 
How long we will be blessed with her presence is beyond me, but I'll take whatever time we have gratefully.
But as for right now, I'm hitting the hay! Very tired tonight. At least I'm getting more exercise these days chasing our old Ms. T as she wobbles out onto the front lawn, staggering towards the street or under the cars when I take her out for a potty break and/or exercise.
I sometimes wonder who's getting more exercise, her or me? 
Nighty night...
Honeybera
I don't believe that she will ever be the same as she was, but she is at least trying to walk. DS and I are working together to keep her as comfy as possible. She's sleeping happily in my room at the moment in a large cardboard box lined with a towel with the whole thing sitting on a throw rug (all washable and/or disposable). She's eating and drinking, too, and trying to wait to potty outside. (That's a BIG improvement!)I'm also exhausted again at 6pm!
It is taking care of a (non-human) Alzheimer's patient 24/7 and that can be wearying, believe me! We take our victories happily and wherever we find them. How long we will be blessed with her presence is beyond me, but I'll take whatever time we have gratefully. But as for right now, I'm hitting the hay! Very tired tonight. At least I'm getting more exercise these days chasing our old Ms. T as she wobbles out onto the front lawn, staggering towards the street or under the cars when I take her out for a potty break and/or exercise.
I sometimes wonder who's getting more exercise, her or me? Nighty night...
Honeybera
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honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
At the risk of depressing anyone (other than myself), Ms. T is not doing well at all. I know I've said that before, but...! She is a tough little dog and has always been a fighter, hence her name (not "Mr. T", but Ms. T). It is incredibly difficult to care for her, day after day, watching her decline steadily. I love her so much. 
=================================
My order from Chewy dot com came in...finally! It usually only takes about a day, two at the most, to arrive. Their free shipping is GREAT! But this time, due to inclement weather, it has taken 3 full days to arrive. Figures! Snow has fallen east of here and it's probably why this order was so darned slow in getting here, but it was diapers (disposable and washable) and washable pee mats for our Ms. T. We FINALLY got them, though. We have had so many accidents on our carpets trying to feed her or give her drinks. We have to hold her. She cannot stand at all, much less walk and so we have spills. Lots of spills.
================================
DS just bathed her after a nice (assisted) meal and water/cream mixture on the side. But DS got a call in to work for 7 hrs., so he'll be going soon. I found that Ms. T has a decubitus ulcer (bedsore) on her now bony hip area. I was a nursing assistant and then nursing student in the now long forgotten past and recognized it immediately. So we're treating it now and it looks better already.
I'm also beginning to show signs of Peripheral Artery Disease (PAD), having pain when I walk. It's from sitting on my a-- too long, so I'm going to try walking more (garden) and standing more (planting seedlings in the hobby room) and resting lying down to watch TV. I'm also going to hold 10 lb. Ms. T whenever I want to SIT in my chair and binge watch something for an hour or more. I can tell that it comforts old Ms.T to be held by the way she nuzzles her head into me and then relaxes and drifts off to sleep. These are precious last moments with my special old pup, and I would not miss them for the world.
The trouble has been that she's incontinent, too, and just lets go of her bowels or bladder without warning and has totally soaked my carpet and muumuu. So those pads that I got a few days ago I reordered. We have lots of terry cloth bath sheets at the ready for her daily bath and bedding, plus the pee pads (the diapers were a fiasco!! but the pee pads are great!), so I ordered more pee pads, both washable and disposable. I can now wrap her up in a nice warm towel fresh from the dryer with a pee pad underneath on my lap and hold her lovingly as we watch Deal or No Deal or Dr. Phil or whatever. It comforts us both I think. Her passing will be a blessing that we've seen coming for some time now, but it won't be the TOTAL SHOCK of Butterbutt's passing. Stupid vet!! That loss still burns me and troubles me. So sad!
So the long saying goodbye to Ms. T is helpful to me in coping with her eventual loss. But I have to let go of my mourning and get busy with my own health! Otherwise, if I don't, I'm going to be stuck in a wheelchair (like MD!!!) and then feel SO SORRY for what I've done to myself, and that's just not what I want at all!! I do this to me sometimes, allow myself to teeter precariously on the brink of disaster, and then pull myself away just in time to avoid whatever disaster would have befallen me. I did this with smoking cigarettes (ages 12-40), finally quitting in 1990. Now it's time for the weight reduction, but (as far as I know) I have gained 13½ lbs. over the last year of dieting! My blood sugars have dramatically improved, my arthritis is gone, and heaven knows, this is working for DS!! But now it's the PAD - HOWEVER...I believe I have the answer to that, too. I need to MOVE MORE. I've been saying that I'm gardening up a storm, and that truly is my intent, but I never do it. Instead I just sink into more and more debilitating depression and watch TV or read or something.
So now I'm getting pains in my left leg whenever I have to walk AND in my tailbone whenever I sit too long. That and a few other symptoms have me convinced that it's PAD. Just the beginning, but it's been coming on for a long time now and is getting pretty intense. And what I NEED TO DO is staring at me right outside my WOW (Window on the World aka my sliding glass door in my bedroom). I think it's pretty much up to me as to whether I end up in a wheelchair, STARING out my WOW and wishing that I'd done something about it NOW, or just get busy doing the "therapy" that I totally enjoy doing, gardening and cooking! I can still watch TV while holding T, but just not all-day-long binge watching. We successfully watched TV last night, she enjoyed it, I enjoyed it, and my lap did NOT get wet since we were covered by a warm, clean towel and a pee pad underneath! I also may lay her out in the sunlight in the backyard with her "pups" (Spot and Dot) while I work in the yard myself (to maintain my own health). WORKS FOR ME!!! Hey, if I don't take care of me, who is supposed to?? And besides, the biggest kick I get out of my garden is not the food (which I have to admit is VERY tasty!), but rather the renewing of life once dormant in a seed.
And with that said, I'm ready for today's duties (and that means up and out of this chair)!
♥Honeybera♥
=================================
My order from Chewy dot com came in...finally! It usually only takes about a day, two at the most, to arrive. Their free shipping is GREAT! But this time, due to inclement weather, it has taken 3 full days to arrive.
Figures! Snow has fallen east of here and it's probably why this order was so darned slow in getting here, but it was diapers (disposable and washable) and washable pee mats for our Ms. T. We FINALLY got them, though. We have had so many accidents on our carpets trying to feed her or give her drinks. We have to hold her. She cannot stand at all, much less walk and so we have spills. Lots of spills. ================================
DS just bathed her after a nice (assisted) meal and water/cream mixture on the side. But DS got a call in to work for 7 hrs., so he'll be going soon. I found that Ms. T has a decubitus ulcer (bedsore) on her now bony hip area. I was a nursing assistant and then nursing student in the now long forgotten past and recognized it immediately. So we're treating it now and it looks better already.
I'm also beginning to show signs of Peripheral Artery Disease (PAD), having pain when I walk. It's from sitting on my a-- too long, so I'm going to try walking more (garden) and standing more (planting seedlings in the hobby room) and resting lying down to watch TV. I'm also going to hold 10 lb. Ms. T whenever I want to SIT in my chair and binge watch something for an hour or more. I can tell that it comforts old Ms.T to be held by the way she nuzzles her head into me and then relaxes and drifts off to sleep. These are precious last moments with my special old pup, and I would not miss them for the world.
The trouble has been that she's incontinent, too, and just lets go of her bowels or bladder without warning and has totally soaked my carpet and muumuu. So those pads that I got a few days ago I reordered. We have lots of terry cloth bath sheets at the ready for her daily bath and bedding, plus the pee pads (the diapers were a fiasco!! but the pee pads are great!), so I ordered more pee pads, both washable and disposable. I can now wrap her up in a nice warm towel fresh from the dryer with a pee pad underneath on my lap and hold her lovingly as we watch Deal or No Deal or Dr. Phil or whatever. It comforts us both I think. Her passing will be a blessing that we've seen coming for some time now, but it won't be the TOTAL SHOCK of Butterbutt's passing. Stupid vet!! That loss still burns me and troubles me. So sad!
So the long saying goodbye to Ms. T is helpful to me in coping with her eventual loss. But I have to let go of my mourning and get busy with my own health! Otherwise, if I don't, I'm going to be stuck in a wheelchair (like MD!!!) and then feel SO SORRY for what I've done to myself, and that's just not what I want at all!! I do this to me sometimes, allow myself to teeter precariously on the brink of disaster, and then pull myself away just in time to avoid whatever disaster would have befallen me. I did this with smoking cigarettes (ages 12-40), finally quitting in 1990. Now it's time for the weight reduction, but (as far as I know) I have gained 13½ lbs. over the last year of dieting! My blood sugars have dramatically improved, my arthritis is gone, and heaven knows, this is working for DS!! But now it's the PAD - HOWEVER...I believe I have the answer to that, too. I need to MOVE MORE. I've been saying that I'm gardening up a storm, and that truly is my intent, but I never do it. Instead I just sink into more and more debilitating depression and watch TV or read or something.
So now I'm getting pains in my left leg whenever I have to walk AND in my tailbone whenever I sit too long. That and a few other symptoms have me convinced that it's PAD. Just the beginning, but it's been coming on for a long time now and is getting pretty intense. And what I NEED TO DO is staring at me right outside my WOW (Window on the World aka my sliding glass door in my bedroom). I think it's pretty much up to me as to whether I end up in a wheelchair, STARING out my WOW and wishing that I'd done something about it NOW, or just get busy doing the "therapy" that I totally enjoy doing, gardening and cooking! I can still watch TV while holding T, but just not all-day-long binge watching. We successfully watched TV last night, she enjoyed it, I enjoyed it, and my lap did NOT get wet since we were covered by a warm, clean towel and a pee pad underneath! I also may lay her out in the sunlight in the backyard with her "pups" (Spot and Dot) while I work in the yard myself (to maintain my own health). WORKS FOR ME!!!
Hey, if I don't take care of me, who is supposed to?? And besides, the biggest kick I get out of my garden is not the food (which I have to admit is VERY tasty!), but rather the renewing of life once dormant in a seed. And with that said, I'm ready for today's duties (and that means up and out of this chair)!
♥Honeybera♥
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Fleur
- Member
- Posts: 13378
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am
Re: Letting go
Hello honeybera
Ah, I hadn't understood that saying you'll be busy in the garden didn't always translate into being in your yard, doing tasks
I agree with you that your health is in looking after yourself. You've altered much of your lifestyle to become healthier. Hopefully seeing your "new old" Dr will contribute to your well-being. Here's to a revitalised you in 2019
When Ms T declines into her final sleep, you shall know that you and your son did all you could for her to make life as pleasant for her as you possibly could
Much caring
Ah, I hadn't understood that saying you'll be busy in the garden didn't always translate into being in your yard, doing tasks
I agree with you that your health is in looking after yourself. You've altered much of your lifestyle to become healthier. Hopefully seeing your "new old" Dr will contribute to your well-being. Here's to a revitalised you in 2019
When Ms T declines into her final sleep, you shall know that you and your son did all you could for her to make life as pleasant for her as you possibly could
Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur
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honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
Oh my, no, dear Fleur!!
Only believe the words "I DID IT!", which indicates that I've actually gotten up and done it! 
What you're reading is me trying to give myself a pep talk and not allow MD or my own depression to hurt me anymore! It's like me listing my goals for the day.I did accomplish this yesterday and was going to post, but I'm back to a MUCH better sleeping schedule (and without help last night
) and I turned in early-ish. I now go climb into bed whenever tired, which is a real improvement. That PAD scare sort of got my attention: Use it or lose it! So I pulled up some weeds that are deeply rooted, but are also rain-soaked, so the pulling and tugging on them was a bit easier. DS took out everything in the garbage last night. I have more to do today, and have already half-filled one 54 gallon trash can again. My leg is still somewhat painful, but not like it was, and I need to just keep at it. I've also made another "rule" for myself: if my butt's in the chair (at my computer and/or TV), I need to be holding and petting Ms. T. Comforts the both of us. But this morning she seems to be improving...a LOT! (YAY!!!!!!!!!) Maybe it's the cuddling? I hope so! I went into the kitchen and got her from her cardboard box, brought her into my room (with a pee-pee pad on my lap just in case) and fed her some water/cream which she lapped up happily. Then I fed her some freeze-dried beef which she gobbled up out of my hand. Yesterday I had allowed her out into the yard. She ate by herself and drank water and did ok out there. It's the dead of winter here right now, but that means it's in the 60ºFs as a high and about 45ºF for the cold. She can handle the 60s now, and so can I. Very mild winters here. I'm looking out my WOW at blue skies. Nice! T is out in the yard since she became her wiggly and non-snuggly old self, almost insisting to be let up and out, and she's doing a kind of wobbly trot all over the yard. THIS THRILLS ME! She's over in the sunshine, drinking it all in. Renews my hope! She's on her feet and walking! Staggering, but walking! Hey, I'll take improvement where I can get it!
DS has been after me to do this, too. I need to get my yard prepped for the coming Spring and it is exercise and is FREE, so why not? I think my problem is that the last time I had a proper garden, I was a mere 27 yrs. old and full of energy! I'm no spring chicken anymore and I have to accept that, but not to the point of "giving up". I just need to make my tasks smaller and more manageable, and then appreciate what tasks that I've done for the day. I'll get more done that way! This is a BIG yard and I have many tasks to do. I just need to be a better and more forgiving manager to myself.
<sigh!> I wish that were true. I am so terribly disappointed in him. But there's another Dr. in his group that may be supportive. I plan to try her out and see what she has to say. If she pipes up, "CALORIES IN - CALORIES OUT!" like he did, I'll be searching further. Perhaps DS's doctor. She seems to be "neutral" as he puts it. My "old new" doctor actually scolded me and shamed me, saying that I was "eating too much". Lordy! I eat one or two SMALL meals a day until "just satisfied" (as is recommended) and then happily fast the other 20 or 24 hours! He just doesn't get it!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!
So I've decided to just move on until I find a supportive doctor that fits! Hey, I like my T! (Not referring to Ms. T this time, but to my counselor.) You are so right!
OMG, I was just thinking: "She's right. We do love T!" just as T stumbled up onto the step outside and into her water dish and spilled it. My thought? "Oh, I need to refill that for her." And then it came to me: for this tiny, aged dog, I have unconditional love. So does DS. And I know where that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE was learned. From my grandparents (ADOPTED OR NOT!!!) - MY GRANDPARENTS! I took care of them, too, when they were old and decidedly senile and MD and my Aunt M. did not. And you are right that when they passed I KNEW that I'd done my best for them. I bathed them and fed them and cleaned up my GF's soiled sheets and lifted him up and put him into his wheelchair. Later I insisted that we get a live-in so I could get some respite care for them, but it was an uphill battle with MD. Hm, she's now in a nursing home, a nice one, but it's not my brother taking care of her. Hm...funny how things work out.
I believe that T is enjoying her afternoon outside in her yard with all the familiar smells and places to walk. I need to eat my meal of the day. Right after I refill her water for her. Life does go on.
Honeybera
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honeybera
- Member
- Posts: 1327
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am
Re: Letting go
Saturday: I just sent the post I made yesterday. T is doing MUCH better! Her bedsore is healed up, and right now she is eating out in the yard! I found this freeze-dried "topping" food (100% beef or turkey) on chewy dot com and ordered it when I ordered lots of pee pads, thinking that the pads were the important thing. I was apparently wrong. (Not the first time, probably not the last either.) This new food is a HIT with the dogs!! I mix it in with their regular food and for some reason the regular food becomes incredibly enticing! I let Spot and Dot eat their fill first and then put T out there and she gobbled it up, too. Now she's out wandering about the yard (to my JOY!) and just being all the dog she can be. She was even standing up in her cardboard box in the kitchen when I went to get her. This is a MUCH easier situation to cope up with!
I just saw her walk by my WOW with the other dogs. That sight brings tears to my eyes, tears of happiness! I know that this is only a reprieve, but it's a happy circumstance anyway.
======================== (Sunday evening)
Ms. T ate well and I fed her twice today. She's walking MUCH MUCH better now (barely limping or wobbling at all), and I'm feeding her dog food first thing in the morning (with a cream/water chaser) and then putting her out into the backyard until it's dark. Then a cuddle, another meal and drink, and back out into the enclosed dog's yard (so I can find her easily in the dark and she can do her business). She's got a favorite spot where she stands with her head poked into a little alcove in the "good neighbor's fence" waiting for me to come and get her. I've spent the last few hours holding her and petting her on my lap as she slept. It's a routine that I can live with happily.
I also found the time to weedeat the east side of our front lawn and tidy up out there a bit with the blower. I also began to tidy up the garage (since T was out there several weeks ago) by making a pathway for us to walk through. There were rakes and shovels and brushes on long handles galore! All on the floor and tangled up. Not any more! And I finally threw away the old hose and did a final buzz-cut of the west lawn as well. Hauled in the garbage cans from the street, too...(DS's job, but that's ok. It's done now.)
Next: I need to begin washing the FILTHY garage floor where T made quite a mess (she is incontinent and she spilled a lot of dog food and water and now it's dried...UGH!). I'm thinking a bucket of bleach water and an old mop to begin with. It's supposed to rain for the next 4-5 days, but cleaning up the garage is a great place to "work in the rain", but "indoors".
DS also is showing some great interest in "doing the tapes"...QUICKLY! (Yes, I'm all for that!!) Box them up and out the door they go!! Then a new carpet in the front room only - OR POSSIBLY vinyl plank flooring installed (EASY cleanup!!) with a purchased accent carpet underneath. And then DS will build/assemble the huge dining room table for him and his D&D group (which is why I bought this table several years ago).
================================(Monday morning)
OMG! That was such a brilliant idea (vinyl plank flooring with a large accent rug) that I stopped writing to you all and began to research that fabulous idea. Then I presented it to DS (sent him pics at work) and he likes it, too. I have an "old" (really new, but unused) rug of that description and size being stored in the computer room. MD gave it to me. (I guess dear brother didn't want it.) Once DS and I get rid of those tapes clogging up our front room, we can clear the rest of the room (temporarily) and have them pull out that old permanently-cat-pee-stained carpet that's in there and lay down nice new vinyl planking. YES YES YES!!! SO easy to clean!! Put the old-new carpet down on top of the vinyl planks, have DS assemble his "gaming table", and we're off to the races! We can have people over again if we want to! DS definitely does.
One of the couches is an old hand-me-down from MD (after Brother Dearest didn't want it anymore), but it's in good shape. One is from my dd and has cat scratch marks all down the front of it, but it's functional and good enough. Eventually I'll get new furniture for in there, but not yet. Just the new flooring should jazz it up quite nicely and make it look presentable. Why this easy-to-clean option had never occurred to me before is beyond me. It's the perfect answer! Maybe having carpets is just old-fashioned thinking, but I'm gung-ho for the change to vinyl now!!
I think that one of the things that MD "accomplished" with me in her campaign to "break my spirit" was that I became shier and not as outgoing or opinionated, sort of unsure of myself or my choices, which to her were "always wrong". If I wanted "A", then she wanted "A" and would then give me "B"...or maybe even "C", "D", or even "Z"...or nothing at all. I would be punished in some belittling way, physically or mentally or even emotionally, like the sad song singing when I was little (under 5 yrs. old) until I cried. I see those commercials that urge parents of very small children to "♫♪talk, read, sing; it changes everything!♫♪" and I can assure you, IT DOES when the songs are happy children's songs! But the songs MD sang to me were SO SAD that they were more of a punishment or just plain cruelty. The entire point was to upset me and to get me to cry so she could slap my face and scream out her rage at me "until I stopped crying". At that age, it was really difficult!
Since I've been avoiding her, I am free to have ideas re: fixing up my house, losing my weight, and so on. I'm actually enjoying this!
====================================(Monday afternoon)
I just fetched Ms. T out of the backyard since it began to rain. The other dogs can just use the doggie door to escape the rain to the inside, but T can't. She's forgotten how quite a while ago, so it's up to me to give her her "backyard time" whenever it's not too cold or wet. SHE IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER!!! YAY! She's walking again and she's gaining weight! I'm giving her the best food possible + a (doggie) fish oil chew + a combo pill for senior dogs with resveratrol (same thing as I take except in dog pill form). She gets that last one wrapped up in a piece of cheese and wolfs it down! And she's eating like a 16 yr. old boy!! Her ribs don't protrude nearly as much and her hips are filling out, too. She's out in the backyard walking around most of the day. What an amazing and tough old dog!
I have a big dish of water out there near my WOW so I can tell if it's raining. Her cardboard box "pen" in the warm kitchen is lined with a washable pee pad + a terrycloth bath sheet (where she's at right now). It's nice and clean and warm and I have LOTS of clean towels and other things at the ready. But she much prefers it outdoors. I'll hold her later tonight in my lap and watch TV. I don't know how long we have together, and I don't know what happened to her to bring her so close to the end, but I'm grateful for every moment I have left with her. In the evening, I bring in my other two dogs and they get in their bed in my room (aka an old throw rug under my nightstand) and I give them their "treats" and nice pets so no one feels left out. ♥Love my pups!♥
DS is out running errands already (and he worked all night last night)! I need to go put on a ham to bake that I bought online from the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas and had it shipped to me. I hope it's good! I've got sorting to do, too, and a dinner to eat...soonish. (My "Once-A-Day meal".) Maybe a cuppa to tide me over right now. Love you all!!
Honeybera
This new food is a HIT with the dogs!! I mix it in with their regular food and for some reason the regular food becomes incredibly enticing! I let Spot and Dot eat their fill first and then put T out there and she gobbled it up, too. Now she's out wandering about the yard (to my JOY!) and just being all the dog she can be. She was even standing up in her cardboard box in the kitchen when I went to get her. This is a MUCH easier situation to cope up with!I just saw her walk by my WOW with the other dogs. That sight brings tears to my eyes, tears of happiness! I know that this is only a reprieve, but it's a happy circumstance anyway.
======================== (Sunday evening)
Ms. T ate well and I fed her twice today. She's walking MUCH MUCH better now (barely limping or wobbling at all), and I'm feeding her dog food first thing in the morning (with a cream/water chaser) and then putting her out into the backyard until it's dark. Then a cuddle, another meal and drink, and back out into the enclosed dog's yard (so I can find her easily in the dark and she can do her business). She's got a favorite spot where she stands with her head poked into a little alcove in the "good neighbor's fence" waiting for me to come and get her. I've spent the last few hours holding her and petting her on my lap as she slept. It's a routine that I can live with happily.
I also found the time to weedeat the east side of our front lawn and tidy up out there a bit with the blower. I also began to tidy up the garage (since T was out there several weeks ago) by making a pathway for us to walk through. There were rakes and shovels and brushes on long handles galore! All on the floor and tangled up. Not any more! And I finally threw away the old hose and did a final buzz-cut of the west lawn as well. Hauled in the garbage cans from the street, too...(DS's job, but that's ok. It's done now.)
Next: I need to begin washing the FILTHY garage floor where T made quite a mess (she is incontinent and she spilled a lot of dog food and water and now it's dried...UGH!). I'm thinking a bucket of bleach water and an old mop to begin with. It's supposed to rain for the next 4-5 days, but cleaning up the garage is a great place to "work in the rain", but "indoors".
DS also is showing some great interest in "doing the tapes"...QUICKLY! (Yes, I'm all for that!!) Box them up and out the door they go!! Then a new carpet in the front room only - OR POSSIBLY vinyl plank flooring installed (EASY cleanup!!) with a purchased accent carpet underneath. And then DS will build/assemble the huge dining room table for him and his D&D group (which is why I bought this table several years ago).
================================(Monday morning)
OMG! That was such a brilliant idea (vinyl plank flooring with a large accent rug) that I stopped writing to you all and began to research that fabulous idea. Then I presented it to DS (sent him pics at work) and he likes it, too. I have an "old" (really new, but unused) rug of that description and size being stored in the computer room. MD gave it to me. (I guess dear brother didn't want it.)
Once DS and I get rid of those tapes clogging up our front room, we can clear the rest of the room (temporarily) and have them pull out that old permanently-cat-pee-stained carpet that's in there and lay down nice new vinyl planking. YES YES YES!!! SO easy to clean!! Put the old-new carpet down on top of the vinyl planks, have DS assemble his "gaming table", and we're off to the races! We can have people over again if we want to! DS definitely does. One of the couches is an old hand-me-down from MD (after Brother Dearest didn't want it anymore), but it's in good shape. One is from my dd and has cat scratch marks all down the front of it, but it's functional and good enough. Eventually I'll get new furniture for in there, but not yet. Just the new flooring should jazz it up quite nicely and make it look presentable.
Why this easy-to-clean option had never occurred to me before is beyond me. It's the perfect answer! Maybe having carpets is just old-fashioned thinking, but I'm gung-ho for the change to vinyl now!!I think that one of the things that MD "accomplished" with me in her campaign to "break my spirit" was that I became shier and not as outgoing or opinionated, sort of unsure of myself or my choices, which to her were "always wrong". If I wanted "A", then she wanted "A" and would then give me "B"...or maybe even "C", "D", or even "Z"...or nothing at all. I would be punished in some belittling way, physically or mentally or even emotionally, like the sad song singing when I was little (under 5 yrs. old) until I cried. I see those commercials that urge parents of very small children to "♫♪talk, read, sing; it changes everything!♫♪" and I can assure you, IT DOES when the songs are happy children's songs! But the songs MD sang to me were SO SAD that they were more of a punishment or just plain cruelty. The entire point was to upset me and to get me to cry so she could slap my face and scream out her rage at me "until I stopped crying". At that age, it was really difficult!
Since I've been avoiding her, I am free to have ideas re: fixing up my house, losing my weight, and so on. I'm actually enjoying this!
====================================(Monday afternoon)
I just fetched Ms. T out of the backyard since it began to rain. The other dogs can just use the doggie door to escape the rain to the inside, but T can't. She's forgotten how quite a while ago, so it's up to me to give her her "backyard time" whenever it's not too cold or wet. SHE IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER!!! YAY!
She's walking again and she's gaining weight! I'm giving her the best food possible + a (doggie) fish oil chew + a combo pill for senior dogs with resveratrol (same thing as I take except in dog pill form). She gets that last one wrapped up in a piece of cheese and wolfs it down! And she's eating like a 16 yr. old boy!! Her ribs don't protrude nearly as much and her hips are filling out, too. She's out in the backyard walking around most of the day. What an amazing and tough old dog! I have a big dish of water out there near my WOW so I can tell if it's raining. Her cardboard box "pen" in the warm kitchen is lined with a washable pee pad + a terrycloth bath sheet (where she's at right now). It's nice and clean and warm and I have LOTS of clean towels and other things at the ready. But she much prefers it outdoors. I'll hold her later tonight in my lap and watch TV. I don't know how long we have together, and I don't know what happened to her to bring her so close to the end, but I'm grateful for every moment I have left with her. In the evening, I bring in my other two dogs and they get in their bed in my room (aka an old throw rug under my nightstand) and I give them their "treats" and nice pets so no one feels left out. ♥Love my pups!♥
DS is out running errands already (and he worked all night last night)!
I need to go put on a ham to bake that I bought online from the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas and had it shipped to me. I hope it's good! I've got sorting to do, too, and a dinner to eat...soonish. (My "Once-A-Day meal".) Maybe a cuppa to tide me over right now. Love you all!!Honeybera
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dancingfish
- Member
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm
Re: Letting go
That's such good news about Mrs T., glad to hear she's doing a lot better! Sounds like you've been getting all sorts of home planning, tidying, yard clearing and cleaning done too. You do realise just how much you accomplish every week, yes? :D
Hope your re-working of the front room goes nicely, that vinyl floor covering sounds like an excellent idea too! Reading along with you honeybera, even if I'm not always posting. :)
Oh, I've "invented" (combined some recipes for other things) into a breakfast I'm finding sets me up for the day quite well. It's a mix of some almond flour, coconut flour, baking powder, erythritol (the version of Swerve I can find here ;) ), then a spoon of milk and an egg. Whisk it up, microwave it for 2 mins (@800W), and it forms a sort of healthy pancake in a bowl. I'm eating it with fruit and yoghurt mostly, but thought I'd tell you as it was more than a bit inspired by your healthier eating. :)
I have definitely found that even if I'm eating well, I need to move too though for fitness/weight loss - trying to put at least half hour walks into my day. An errand maybe, or a wander to local shop, or just around the neighbourhood. Tend to pass a lot of dog walkers, wondered if that's something you might be able to do sometimes? Just an idea though, I know you're happy with your house and garden/yard work too. :)
Take care honeybera! Much caring being sent your way. :)
Hope your re-working of the front room goes nicely, that vinyl floor covering sounds like an excellent idea too! Reading along with you honeybera, even if I'm not always posting. :)
Oh, I've "invented" (combined some recipes for other things) into a breakfast I'm finding sets me up for the day quite well. It's a mix of some almond flour, coconut flour, baking powder, erythritol (the version of Swerve I can find here ;) ), then a spoon of milk and an egg. Whisk it up, microwave it for 2 mins (@800W), and it forms a sort of healthy pancake in a bowl. I'm eating it with fruit and yoghurt mostly, but thought I'd tell you as it was more than a bit inspired by your healthier eating. :)
I have definitely found that even if I'm eating well, I need to move too though for fitness/weight loss - trying to put at least half hour walks into my day. An errand maybe, or a wander to local shop, or just around the neighbourhood. Tend to pass a lot of dog walkers, wondered if that's something you might be able to do sometimes? Just an idea though, I know you're happy with your house and garden/yard work too. :)
Take care honeybera! Much caring being sent your way. :)