Oh yes! And little things keep popping up in my mind regarding that visit, but now I have the tools to handle them properly...and into the trash bin they go, straight away and without hesitation! It's SO much better that way.
Y'know, I've been doing that with my home, too. I used to keep magazines and newspapers and junk mail and old papers and so on. In cleaning and clearing out, I've found unopened mail from 2004 and earlier!! In fact, there were piles of it around here before I began cleaning my home, but now I toss them out as soon as I get them, maybe with a quick look-thru, but then EL DUMPO!!! And the same with my countertops: once clean, I like to keep them that way and move on to the next project...oh my! Mark Twain! He was SO wise!!
It's because I AM smiling! I was truly afraid to go visit with MD, fearful that she'd somehow figure a way to sabotage me and wrench this marvelous success I am having with this WOE away from me. I should have had no fear at all. She is an old, unhappy hag, simply "waiting to die" - her words, not mine. She is no longer the driven, pretty, and vivacious (and MANIACAL!) person she used to be. Her mind is slipping (I think! HOWEVER, when she used to feign stupidity, she'd call it "being dumb like a fox"!), and with her, I have NO TRUST at all! And if I approached her directly and honestly (which is MY way of doing things), she'd use that on me, batting her eyes, and say to anyone listening, "Why, I don't know what she's talking about. ME? Mean? Never!" and I would just roll my eyes and shake my head. My father would always side with her...ALWAYS!! ("We are a UNITED FRONT!", she'd snarl at me - and they were, with my father placed in the role of "enforcer", even if my father KNEW that it was WRONG what he was "enforcing"!!) And then she'd smirk at me, the "winner" again. He told me later (when I was 27) that he did it to "keep the peace". "I've got to live with her, Honey." VERBATIM! So I was the one thrown under the bus, so to speak. Right or wrong was never the issue. The ISSUE was WHO WAS GOING TO "WIN"! And I never did, never was allowed to. Hm...
But nowadays she is an old crone, NOT ambulatory (could walk, but now can't walk, claims to have had THREE strokes now, and DS and I agree that all her "claims" are probably to get dear brother's attention, which is NOT WORKING!), sitting all alone in a room watching Gunsmoke and game shows, desperately trying to think of ways to see and/or interact with my brother, yet now that he has her MONEY, he rarely comes to see her EXCEPT to balance her checkbook. How can I be afraid of THAT??! I may even feel sort of sorry for her, but not enough to jeopardize my own safety or success. She is something and someone that I NEED TO CONTINUE TO "LET GO". For my OWN sake. But I wish her no ill, either. It's how my dear Grandma would have handled it (except she may have also prayed about it).
Yes, I am. I see MD as a viperous snake, curled and ready to strike, and yet desperately needing to be loved and petted and needed (all to be fulfilled by my brother, NEVER me). Invariably, over the last 71 yrs. of experience with her, if I begin to feel sorry for her and try to be kind to and trust my own mother, she begins to scheme how to trip my feet, make me miserable and off-kilter, and to then sabotage me for my kindness to her. It's as simple as that. I have to decide now: Do I value my own successes by keeping myself safe from her venom that I KNOW is coming (hey! 71 yrs. of PROOF!) OR do I pet the snake and hope for the best outcome possible? I choose the former option now. It's common logic. I have come to the decision that although her enabler (my father, who she called a "wimp", bless him) is now gone and in an urn in her closet ( ), she still has fangs to bite me IF I come close enough! I don't even buy the "senility" routine! "Dumb like a FOX!" So my best bet is to just stay away, do my Keto and Intermittent Fasting, clean my house, mind my OWN business, and BE HAPPY - so that's just what I'm going to do!!
In fact, there's a whole yard out there right now on this 80ºF day! Thank you so much for your steadfast support through all of this upheaval in my life.
"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."
Honey