Lost time

[johnram]

I find the fact i have lost so much time, initially through addictions and avoidant behaviour, and laterly through depression and battling through recovery that it makes me sad and angry often. Just the lost opportunity, the lost potential and the lost chances of normalcy.

however i do feel like i have learnt more, and feel i am a more wise than others through all this but apart from say in our community i dont know how this plays out in society etc, people dont generally relate or understand, and this makes me feel behind / have missed milestones and that normal life

e.g. wish i had the courage to be more adventurious, but with my still highly active flight or fight response, this isnt likely to happen anytime soon

anyway, its a bit of a rant, but i am keen to hear how others have come to terms with this aspect, as i feel it sometimes slows me down and my progress

thank you all and best wishes

[coconuts]

I feel angry at myself for the lost time sometimes. But then i have found that it doesn't help. What helps the most is just validating all the feelings. It's okay I denied it for years. Because a part of me was trying to protect myself. She was doing her job. And I understand better it's time to address things.

I read a study once it takes on average 16 years for females and longer for males to disclose abuse. And then for some of them even is they disclose they don't work on it. They've learned so many coping strategies ( as unhealthy as they are) that they don't ever go after the root of the problem.

So pat yourself on the back because you have validated that you are worth it to yourself. That's a huge step toward healing

[EasyStreet]

I think the time i have left is enough to expand my consciousness beyond the abuse I suffered over many years from various other damaged people. I hope so, anyway. Death is just a heartbeat away, be i young or old. Now is what I have to confront reality with.

For me, trying to become other than my mask is the opportunity of my lifetime. So I try to focus on each blessed day in thanks for it. Falls apart many days but comes together sometimes too.

EasyStreet

[johnram]

I feel angry at myself for the lost time sometimes. But then i have found that it doesn't help. What helps the most is just validating all the feelings. It's okay I denied it for years. Because a part of me was trying to protect myself. She was doing her job. And I understand better it's time to address things.

I read a study once it takes on average 16 years for females and longer for males to disclose abuse. And then for some of them even is they disclose they don't work on it. They've learned so many coping strategies ( as unhealthy as they are) that they don't ever go after the root of the problem.

So pat yourself on the back because you have validated that you are worth it to yourself. That's a huge step toward healing

i really like what you said here, its very true and although i feel i am appreciating these things late, better to act and amend now rather than not and grind myself into the ground which i was doing ignorantly for years

[EasyStreet]

Johnram: “better to act and amend now rather than not and grind myself into the ground which i was doing ignorantly for years”

I can totally relate!

EasyStreet

Edited to change trigger warning.