Anger

[cellochick22]

How do you cope/deal with the anger from your past? Recently found out new info. about my abuser and it has stirred a pot of anger up inside me. I just don't know how to deal with it. I really rather not take the anger out on others around me that don't deserve it. Anyone dealt with the same issue before? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[fightinback]

So relate

I can honestly say, I'd never been angry before. Throughout my past, I blamed everything on myself and internalised it..built high walls around me... pushed everyone away..... but never got angry. Didn't know how to.

Throughout therapy, boy has the anger hit me. Not just at my abusers, but at myself for putting 'me' through that for way too long.

The first time I felt it, I was in EMDR with my T. He told me to take it out on the cushions, the wall, the chair, scream.... whatever felt right. But I couldn't do it. I felt embarrassed. I didn't know how to handle it.

Maybe something like music might help. Go for a walk/run. Make some bread . I've even considered getting a 'girly' punchbag

Maybe write a letter to your abusers, without holding anything back(!). Then burn it to 'release' the anger within you.

There are lots of techniques to ground yourself. If you do a google search on 'grounding techniques', quite a lot comes up. I know there are also many other posts on here with ideas. Maybe search the forum for those threads.

In the long term.... I no longer allow the anger to get that bad. I can 'feel' differences within myself now, and recognise very quickly that something is wrong, then do something about it. I recognise that it is 'my' anger, and the only person who is getting hurt by it, is me.

Do you have a T? Ask them about mindfulness techniques. (In the UK) the NHS and Rethink run courses on mindfulness. There are probably many other places that do too, but these are the two who I am/have working with.

Keep talking here too. It helps. Get angry on here, just be mindful to change the trigger warning .

Just do whatever feels right.

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling right now, and this is probably little comfort, but it really does get easier. You've already recognised that you are angry, and stopped yourself from taking it out on those around you. This is such a major step already. Keep working at it. You will get there.

Keep strong.

Really hope this helps in some way, however small.

[Beachlady]

Hi Cellochick22,
There is a thread about anger in the PTSD / DID forum that you might find useful, and fightinback has given great ideas as well. There are lots of ways to deal with anger, and even rage, and the very fact that you are here asking this question is a huge positive step.
Beachlady

[Fleur]

Hello CelloChick

I used to go from being ok to enraged in a split second. Felt like the volcano stated from the centee of earth through my feet up out of my head

Got labelled angry personality

Only much later did I realise my anger was justified by the unawareness of childhood abuse, neglect and lack of safety. I was raging against a lot of issues that no person, let alone a small child, should ever experience

So ... I suggest that anger is an appropriate feeling

I am no longer legitimately labelled as angry, though my family does their best to provoke

There is much from which to choose in order to ease anger and rage

You shall find some suit you but others repulse - and what helps one day might not another

Some of my rage came out in sobs, some yelling, some with physical activity

You are so insightful - that you do not want to express anger indiscriminantly

Anger though can sneak out in tone of voice or body language. It might be appropriate to calmly explain that you have discovered anger and tell significant others that it is not directly due to them if you slip up. Apologising kater does not hace the same benefit. You do not have to say why you are enraged. If people are made aware of your vulnerability, generally they do tgeir besst to co-operate, especially younger children who are often terrified of parebtal disapproval

Don'tknow if this post helps

Hopefully you soon will find safe ways of releasing pressure

Remember that a soda drink froths and fizzes out of the bottle but is ok when lid is slowly moved back and forth to pour out

Similar with strong emotions - easier to manage in tiny outbursts rather than full onslaught

Kind regards

[cellochick22]

Thanks Fleur, Beachlady, and fightingback. For the great insights, suggestions, ideas, and where else i might could find answers.

[nelson]

I am sorry CC. Nelson

[fightinback]

((((((cellochick22))))))

You're very welcome. Keep writing/talking. It really does help.

It WILL get better.

[Fleur]

One further suggestion - write the stuff that causes your anger with crayons, or similar, using non dominant hand (opposite one from usual)

Somehow this helps tap into both sides of the brain

Leave the list for a day or longer, then go back and ask what about x makes me upset/angry. What rights does it impact. How am I going to.best deal with this issue - and is it in past or also now?

Some people like to draw or dance during this process. Gentle favourite music might also help


This was first done with therapist assistance. Now, I can manage on my own and share with T as I feel able

As always, wish you well - be kind to self.(((ChelloChick)))

[Fleur]

Oops - apologies for misspelling your name (((Cellochick)))

[Xanthia]

Hi cellichick22,

Anger is as legitimate as any other emotion, a feeling or response to circumstances. It could be about our past, something in the media, present day communications. And so on. How we choose to handle anger can have different outcomes. I trust you have discovered what assists you.

Noticed today is your birthday, so I'm taking this opportunity to wish you a very happy start of your personal new year. May you celebrate just how you want.

Sent with whatever you would most appreciate for your life's journey.

With care,